Mom to Mom

[Kachina624]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment.  She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck. 

We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us.  We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.

I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.

I have to admit it will be very lonely without her.  I like her company.

Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!

Thanks

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@qvc chick

Let her go . . . she'll be back.

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Once my sister and I left to be on our own,  we would not have ever considered going back home.   We were taught to work out our problems and be independent.   Our parents would not have been happy to have us return,  although we were close to them.   To us,  it wasn't an option. 

[queendiva]

Single mom of two sons: 26 and 22. Both are college grads and lived on campus for four years.

Older son chose to live at home after graduating from college. to save for a home. So did his now-fiance. They bought a house last year and will be married later this year. Younger son is active duty military. Returned home following graduation in May for about two months. He now lives in his own place: on another continent!

Sit down with DD and listen to her financial plan for getting her own place. Roommate? Ask questions she may not have considered. Maybe you can jointly come up with a plan for a target date for the move. She is 23. Let her go if that's her choice.

Enjoy your new life as an empty nester. Get a pet if you like. I have met great friends at the local dog park with my pup!

[blackhole99]

Moving out is a badge of honor for the young, they feel they have arrived if they can afford their own place and don't have their parents to consider.

[tansy]

Make her moving out a fun event for both of you.  Go apartment hunting with her, if she's okay with that.  Go shopping together to buy the necessities for her new life.

[NYC Susan]

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@Zhills wrote:

                      

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Exactly!  That's how I was raised, and that's how I raised my kids.  My mom and I talk about roots & wings all the time.

It's not easy when they move away, but that's what's meant to happen.  Our goal as parents is suppposed to be to raise happy and independent children.  I miss my kids every day, but I wouldn't want them to hang around because of some need I have for them to be with me.  

Our children, when they become adults, should be making their own decisions (and yes, their own mistakes), and living their own lives.  I'm grateful that my parents didn't hold me back.  I knew they would always be there for me, andt they have been.  However, encouraging my independence is one of the greatest gifts they ever gave.

[KathyPet]

I would be more concerned about having a 23 year old who wanted to live at home with me for a undetermined amount of time then one who wanted to find their own place.  It does sound as if you are wanting her to stay at home to keep you company.  YOu need to find your own place in the world and let her find hers.

[CelticCrafter]

Our daughter is our only.

Her first job offer out of college was two states away and even though I knew it was going to be lonely, I wouldn't and didn't let her know that.

I never wanted to be the cause of her not doing something she wanted to do and have her resent me because of it.

[qvc chick]

I never said I was planning on stopping her.  I just said I was sad about it.

The apartment that she likes is a half hour away.  I feel like we won't do as much together as we do now.  And FYI...I do have friends, and a full time job. 

But on the weekends most of my friends (they are married) are with their husbands.  I am single.  So sometimes I feel out of sorts on the weekends. 

[dex]

@qvc chick I think that you should forgo your feelings and let your daughter begin her independence.She is an adult woman and it is time.I cried for many weeks when my son left but i have accepted our new lives.I joined a gym and started making friends and developing new interests for myself.I can honestly say that I am happy now and so very proud to watch his accomplishments.He isn't married but he bought a home and invited us to stay for Christmas. He bought a tree and decorated the house..even put up outdoor lights.We had a wonderful time at his home.I think he does Christmas better than I did.I just want you to know that you will be okay and so willl your daughter.It may be the end of her childhood but it is the beginning of her adult life and now you can sit back and just feel proud of her.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@qvc chick wrote:

I never said I was planning on stopping her.  I just said I was sad about it.

The apartment that she likes is a half hour away.  I feel like we won't do as much together as we do now.  And FYI...I do have friends, and a full time job. 

But on the weekends most of my friends (they are married) are with their husbands.  I am single.  So sometimes I feel out of sorts on the weekends. 

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You are making this all about you. 

Stop it.

It isn't the end of the world that she is moving out, and that you two won't see each other as often.

This is about HER life, and she is now an ADULT, and it's time that she started living her life as an adult.

Join a gym, go to fairs and shows that will be in your town over the weekend.

Don't just sit around and mope and feel sorry for yourself.

And no, you won't be spending every waking second together. 

You are clinging to your daughter and depending on her to make you happy, and that is not fair to her.  

You need to find happiness in other things.

Go for a walk, take in the beauty that is around you, volunteer somewhere.

But for goodness sakes, stop making this all about you.