Mom to Mom

[ECBG]

@qvc chick,This is all part of normal growth.  It isn't always easy for the parents who love their children and enjoy hiving the energy in their home.  It's always hard to turn a corner, and many times we are hesitant to change from what has been comfortable to something untried.

You have reared this beautiful child to be who she is.  She needs to take that next growth step which is normal and healthy.

 It takes more strength from you to let her "walk" than to hold her back.

[sunshine45]

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@Liverbird1 wrote:

My daughter left home at age 18 , got engaged and moved states all at the same time .She started college , they had an apartment and got 2 dogs .She managed to do 4 yr pre law degree in 2 yrs and managed fine .

Now the relationship has ended and she is back living at home doing her law degree and now it is stressful for us as we got used to the quietness at our home and our dog is in shock too .She is still only 20 yrs now .

So my advice would be offer as much support as you can but let them live the lives they want 

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i have to agree with this statement.

my oldest daughter has a great head on her shoulders, is smart,  and works hard. she isnt in the field she wants to be in at this time, but hopefully she is happy and biding her time for her dream job. she still lives at home at the age of 24. we dont really get in each others way. she had gone away for four years for college and graduated  with honors in two majors. she knew she could come back here, find a job, and save a nest egg for herself before she found an apartment that would work for her.

we get along fine because i let her do her own thing and she lets me do mine......and sometimes we do it together.

[Carmie]

I got married and moved out when I was 19.  My father had a difficult time with it and always wanted me to move back home with my DH in tow.  He also was sad when my two sisters and 2 brothers moved out as well.  He came from a family of 11 children and always liked a big family,

I had a difficult time emotionally when my oldest son went into the military. ( age 18) He was so far away and we couldn't visit often.

When my daughter moved out, ( age 28) it was easier because she was closer and we could visit often.  She visits almost every day because I watch her daughter after school.

Ah, my youngest son lived at home until he was 35.  He was never home because he worked long hours and we just passed each other most of the time.  He purchased a nice big expensive home and is slowly furnishing it room by room with high end furniture.  He also owns more than one car ( he likes 50's - 60's vintage muscle cars).  His time at home paid off.

All of my children are different.  They all moved out at different ages and for different reasons.  It was difficult at first.  Looking back I realize letting your kids go is the hardest part of raising them.  

You're their mother, you're supposed to feel sad.,, that's normal.  But, think about it.  If your children are able to move out and live on their own,  you did a great job.  It also means your children are healthy.  There are many parents that will never see their children move out because of disabilities, etc.

 You are blessed.  Your daughter is not leaving you, she is just moving forward... and if she can't make it on her own, she'll be back.  Don't turn her room into an office just yet.

[Demitra1]

My daughter is my only child.  She just turned 39.  She went away to college and afterwards, moved to a large city 5 hours away. She spent her twenties and early thirties living life to the fullest with lots of great experiences and had/has a ton of good friends.

About four years ago she got married and within the year had my first grandchild.

All this back information to tell you that I had to MAKE MYSELF let her spread her wings starting with college.  Every step has been difficult for ME, but I temper it with HER happiness at each stage.  

We aren't as close as we once were and I attribute that to the distance between us. Her life is very busy and I try to blame those two factors, but I can have a pity party pretty easily, because things aren't like they used to be. However, it doesn't last long, because I remember in the end, I want her to be happy and content, which she is.  

And, I know there are other examples where the mom & daughter have remained extremely close despite distance, but that's just not been my experience.

Good luck.

Demitra

[lulu2]

Our son is an only child.  When he left for college it was our hope he'd graduate and be ready to face the world as an independent adult.  The thought never crossed my mind that he'd return home to live.

Let her go with your blessing.

Most of us probably struggled financially when we first lived on our own.  It's part of life.

[Zhills]

                      

[LTT1]

@qvc chick

Unless you have a reason to fear for her possibly having an issue with depression, you need to be glad that she feels ready to do this on her own.

[151949]

It isn't fair to your daughter to keep her at home because you will be lonely. Have you cosidered getting a room mate? At 23 she is probably more than ready to spread her wings.

[jubilant]

I think it's good she wants to leave the nest and try out her wings.  Now all the choices she makes she will have to live by....good and bad.  Hopefully, she will make good choices.  I think this is the age we learn that the choices we make chart the path of life we take. At some point it's out of our hands....as it should be. 

[janeec]

This is all part of the process of being a mom.  The labor you went through to bring her into this world wasn't easy, and neither is launching her into the real world on her own.  My mother always said that she gave us roots for a foundation and the wings to fly.  She isn't leaving you, just wanting to do it on her own.  Be glad that you raised a daughter who wants to grow up and prove herself.  She wants to be like you, an independent woman.  It is a compliment.