Mom to Mom

[RetRN]

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@qvc chick wrote:

I already have a pet.

And I am going thru some stress at the moment.  My feeling is why now, she could wait a few months for some things to settle down.  She is very impulse. I am not.  There is no reason why she couldn't wait a few months.  And start purchasing all the things she needs to furnish an apartment.

I am also a single parent, no husband

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You come across as being very selfish.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@qvc chick wrote:

I already have a pet.

And I am going thru some stress at the moment.  My feeling is why now, she could wait a few months for some things to settle down.  She is very impulse. I am not.  There is no reason why she couldn't wait a few months.  And start purchasing all the things she needs to furnish an apartment.

I am also a single parent, no husband

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If she waited a few months, you would come up with another excuse to keep her at home, just so she could keep you company.

It's time that she made new friends her own age, and for you to do the same, so that you won't be so dependant on your daughter for your happiness.

Plus, not everyone wants to be a homeowner.

Consider yourself lucky.

Some children move hundreds of miles away, if not clear across the country.

She is only going to be 30 minutes away. It's not like she's moving half way across the world, for crying out loud.

[CelticCrafter]

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@qvc chick wrote:

I never said I was planning on stopping her.  I just said I was sad about it.

The apartment that she likes is a half hour away.  I feel like we won't do as much together as we do now.  And FYI...I do have friends, and a full time job. 

But on the weekends most of my friends (they are married) are with their husbands.  I am single.  So sometimes I feel out of sorts on the weekends. 

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You may not be planning on stopping her but you are trying to talk her out of it by telling her to save for something she can own.

[happycat]

Our daughter moved out when she was 18, too. Only because she got a scholarship that included housing. Then she came back pretty often. Now, not only has she moved out, she has moved to what I call the big city. First to go to grad school, we had hopes that after graduation, she would come back here. But, no, she got a job at the hospital where she did an internship.

I wouldn't change it, she is happy and I am well aware the town in which we live has nothing to really offer a young person. She does come home some, we go see her some and we talk everyday.

In my opinion, her living with you and saving isn't a bad idea. My daughter has been looking at houses, and even with our help, she really can't afford what is decent and close to her job right now. Lots of kids do that, and regardless of what I've been reading here on the board, I've been hearing lots of talk the past few years of more adult kids living at home longer for various financial reasons.

[chrystaltree]

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@qvc chick wrote:

I never said I was planning on stopping her.  I just said I was sad about it.

The apartment that she likes is a half hour away.  I feel like we won't do as much together as we do now.  And FYI...I do have friends, and a full time job. 

But on the weekends most of my friends (they are married) are with their husbands.  I am single.  So sometimes I feel out of sorts on the weekends. 

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       That didn't help your case...lol   Go make a life yourself.  A job is not enough and if you find yourself lonely and "out of sorts" on the weends, you need  more experiences and more people in your life. 

[NYC Susan]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

I already have a pet.

And I am going thru some stress at the moment.  My feeling is why now, she could wait a few months for some things to settle down.  She is very impulse. I am not.  There is no reason why she couldn't wait a few months.  And start purchasing all the things she needs to furnish an apartment.

I am also a single parent, no husband

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If she waited a few months, you would come up with another excuse to keep her at home, just so she could keep you company.

It's time that she made new friends her own age, and for you to do the same, so that you won't be so dependant on your daughter for your happiness.

Plus, not everyone wants to be a homeowner.

Consider yourself lucky.

Some children move hundreds of miles away, if not clear across the country.

She is only going to be 30 minutes away. It's not like she's moving half way across the world, for crying out loud.

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I agree.  Of course the OP is sad.  That's understandable.  But it's part of being a parent, and some find the moving away process to be more difficult than others.  Believe me, I KNOW.   I loved having my kids home with me, and I was very emotional when they left.  I'm a single Mom too, and when the last one left I was alone.  It was tough, but I certainly didn't expect anyone to hang around to keep me company.

30 minutes is really nothing.  My brothers and sisters live all over the world - The closest is 4 states away.  One of my sons lives on the west coast, and I'm on the east.  30 minutes is local, IMO.  It's still completely possible to meet for dinner, hang out together for an afternoon, go shopping, make plans last minute, etc.

And yes, not everyone wants to be a homeowner.  I've owned and I've rented, and I far prefer renting.  Maybe the daughter will want to own a home at some point, and maybe she won't.  It also probably makes more sense for her to rent now since she hasn't yet lived on her own and will still be learning how to budget, etc.  Buying a home is a much larger commitment. 

The point, I think, is that our adult children deserve to find their own way in the world.  Not only should we be supportive of that, but it's our responsibililty to send them off not only with our blessing, but also free of guilt.  Their time to fly should be viewed as a positive time for everyone.

[qvc chick]

Listen, this thing has two sides to it....

First side, yes, I would like her to still live at home.  She paid cheap rent, had tons of money left over to buy whatever she wanted, and was company for me.  We do alot of things together, she is my only daughter.

Second side, her new apartment is costing almost $1300 a month, NOT including gas, electric, cable, water, cell phone, car insurance, homeowners insurance...etc.

She makes around $60K a year.  That doesn't seem nearly enough to pay for everything, she will pretty much have nothing left after the bills.  She loves the good life, eating out, taking trips, buy fancy clothes, gettting eyelash extensions, etc.

I suggested to her, staying at home until age 25 (year and half away), and putting all that extra income into savings account.  Then she would be well prepared when she leaves.

This is an impulse thing.  Not sure how it will work out.  There is no need to RUSH.  Do you get what I mean??

[Hayfield]

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@qvc chick wrote:

Listen, this thing has two sides to it....

First side, yes, I would like her to still live at home.  She paid cheap rent, had tons of money left over to buy whatever she wanted, and was company for me.  We do alot of things together, she is my only daughter.

Second side, her new apartment is costing almost $1300 a month, NOT including gas, electric, cable, water, cell phone, car insurance, homeowners insurance...etc.

She makes around $60K a year.  That doesn't seem nearly enough to pay for everything, she will pretty much have nothing left after the bills.  She loves the good life, eating out, taking trips, buy fancy clothes, gettting eyelash extensions, etc.

I suggested to her, staying at home until age 25 (year and half away), and putting all that extra income into savings account.  Then she would be well prepared when she leaves.

This is an impulse thing.  Not sure how it will work out.  There is no need to RUSH.  Do you get what I mean??

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I understand why you don't want her to rush out.  My DD graduated college in 2012 and was only making $35,000 for her first job.  She didn't want to live at home but she decided to stay, live at home, work full time, go to school at night full time to get her masters, which she did.  She moved out in January 2016 with no debt of any kind and a job that pays about $60k a year, what you stated that your DD is making.   She was living with 2 other girls her share of the rent was $700, not including utilites.  She decided she wanted to be on her own and just moved into her own 1 BR apartment.  Cost $1,200/month, not including utilities.  My DD is making 60k a year, 5k a month.  Her rent should not be more that 28% of her monthly income, which is $1,400, so my DD's rent is $200 under that.  Then her other debts should not be more than 8% of her monthly income which would be $400, that would mean car loans & school loans and any major credit cards, which my DD does not have, so she can afford to live on her own.  If you ask where I get the 28%/36%, it's from way back when DH and I went for our mortage back in 1987 for our home.  I also was a real estate appraiser for over 25 years.  Unless your DD has major school loans or car loans she should be able to move out and live on her own.  I don't personally know your DD and how she came upon her decision but for my DD I thought she made all the right decisions at the right time and I fully supported those decisions.  I don't always like what either of my two children do but they are adults and they never ask me for any money, so it's really none of my business.  I wish you and your DD all the best.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@qvc chick wrote:

Listen, this thing has two sides to it....

First side, yes, I would like her to still live at home.  She paid cheap rent, had tons of money left over to buy whatever she wanted, and was company for me.  We do alot of things together, she is my only daughter.

Second side, her new apartment is costing almost $1300 a month, NOT including gas, electric, cable, water, cell phone, car insurance, homeowners insurance...etc.

She makes around $60K a year.  That doesn't seem nearly enough to pay for everything, she will pretty much have nothing left after the bills.  She loves the good life, eating out, taking trips, buy fancy clothes, gettting eyelash extensions, etc.

I suggested to her, staying at home until age 25 (year and half away), and putting all that extra income into savings account.  Then she would be well prepared when she leaves.

This is an impulse thing.  Not sure how it will work out.  There is no need to RUSH.  Do you get what I mean??

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Living on her own, she will learn how to budget, and to make do, and to do without.

We all had to learn that.

You should embrace her wanting to venture out on her own. By holding her back, you are only stagnating her growth as a human being, and as an adult.

It is NOT up to you to decide if what she makes is "enough" or not.

That is HER decision to make as an ADULT.

Besides, some people commute for a lot longer than just thirty minutes just to get to their jobs.

Also, if she is renting, she does not need HOMEOWNERS insurance.

I rent, and I don't have it. There is one less "expense" right there.

[Plaid Pants2]

Let's do the math, shall we?

60,000 divided by 12 months = $5,000 per month.

Subtract $1,300 from the $5,000 = $3,700 left over.

One can learn to live off of that.