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01-23-2017 11:34 AM
My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment. She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck.
We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us. We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.
I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.
I have to admit it will be very lonely without her. I like her company.
Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!
Thanks
01-23-2017 11:43 AM
@qvc chick Been there myself, I had the same suggestions for my daughter, stay at home, save some money before you venture out on your own, but she was strong willed and did not listen to a word of my advice, and in the end she did just fine!
Before she left, I just made it very clear that she was always welcome home for any reason, unconditionally, it is very painful to watch your babies (regardless of their age) leave home, but you have to let them fly and try out their wings, and remember you are still her Mom and she is always going to need you no matter what!
Your going to shed tears there is no doubt, but you will be fine, we all made it through one way or another, and in the end, I found that with my daughter and I, we still remained close but it changed my relationship with her, it was more of a mature relationship (if that makes any sense), and she opened up more to me than she did when she lived at home!
Hugs being sent your way!
01-23-2017 11:45 AM
It's time to let her spread her wings. You'll probably go through some empty nest feelings. But that's normal. Time for you to spread your wings also and expand your interests.
Its been 11 years since our daughter moved out on her own. I survived and learned to love my privacy and independence. Now she visits with the grand babies.
01-23-2017 11:47 AM
Get yourself a pet. You'll be just fine.
01-23-2017 12:01 PM
Although your reasoning makes sense from a financial standpoint, as hard as it is, you have to let her spread her wings, if that's what she wants to do.
I raised my DD (my only child) as a single parent from the age of 2 and we were extremely close. But the day she turned 18, she decided to move out with her BF, with NO warning.
I was devastated, but to my surprise and delight, we became even closer after she moved out and remain so to this day!
Without realizing it at the time, I think the 'space' from each other actually brought us closer together.
Whatever you do, try not to make her feel guilty about her choice to move out.
At first I couldn't help myself from doing that and she withdrew from me a bit because of it, as she later told me.
We still meet at least once a week on her day off, for a day of shopping, lunch and 'girl time' and she's 34 now!
01-23-2017 12:01 PM
I am not a mom but I am a daughter and I would encourage your daughter to leave. I stayed at home until I was 26 and regret that I didn't move out sooner. Buying a home is not for everyone especially at a young age when life can change.
01-23-2017 12:07 PM
My daughter left home at age 18 , got engaged and moved states all at the same time .She started college , they had an apartment and got 2 dogs .She managed to do 4 yr pre law degree in 2 yrs and managed fine .
Now the relationship has ended and she is back living at home doing her law degree and now it is stressful for us as we got used to the quietness at our home and our dog is in shock too .She is still only 20 yrs now .
So my advice would be offer as much support as you can but let them live the lives they want
01-23-2017 12:18 PM
If you can , try and remember what a thrill it was to have you own place.
01-23-2017 12:20 PM
I'm also a daughter, not a mother. Only child too. I think you should let her go. Speaking from experience, I stayed under my parents wings far too long. It's my biggest regret, that I didn't "live" more life. I never went away to college (I commuted), didn't even have my own apartment until I was 38! (I did live away for a few years, but that was a whole other foolish choice of mine). I'm a homeowner now, but honestly, that year on my own, in my tiny little efficiency apartment holds some of the fondest memories I have. Simple freedom to be my own person. I take owenership of the sometimes poor choices I made. My parents were all about me saving money too, staying at home, waiting for Mr. Right, or the perfect job. I lacked the confidence to go out on my own, so I just settled. Bravo to her for being brave enough to want to try. I also think you may find this brings you closer together too.
Best wishes no matter what she decides.
01-23-2017 12:24 PM
It will be ok and you both will be better for it, in the long run. A pet is a good idea, if you like animals
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