Mom to Mom

[LilacTree]

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@alicedee wrote:

I've never posted with you before, but often read your thoughtful posts.  I'm sorry you are going through a rough time...your idea of finding a therapist to talk to is excellent.  As I approach senior citizen status I find myself alone...divorced after a long marriage, with a somewhat fractured family as well.  What gives me peace is acceptance.  This isn't how I pictured this stage of my life....but that doesn't mean it can't be good.  I had to give up my image of The Waltons....guess my life is more like Roseanne!  But I realize I don't have the power to "fix" everything and everyone who is broken....just accept what I can't change, hope for the best, and love people "where they are at."  I try to love unconditionally without expectation....and find that love comes back to me not always from where I was hoping...but sometimes in surprising and unexpected ways.  

You will I'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you continue your journey, Lilac.  Remember many cyber friends are here for you.  

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@alicedee

You just described me to a tee.  I have always been "the fixer," and now that I can't do that as much, I feel I am no longer relevant.  I do have my one daughter with me because she has serious problems, both healthwise and financially.

Yesterday is proof of the sentence that I bolded and underlined.  My worry was unwarranted and unexpected.  It turned out to be a wonderful, loving surprise for me.

Thank you for your sweet post.

[LilacTree]

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@tends2dogs wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@tends2dogs wrote:

I am so sorry to read this.  It is good that you recognize that you can't handle this on your own and are acknowledging that you need help.  I will pray for you to find the strength to work through this or at least come to some sort of resolve about it.  I will also pray that you find the right person to help you achieve peace and happiness at this stage of your life.

You deserve it.

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@tends2dogs

I always forget to mention to you that I love your sig about Eternity.  I don't know whether to tell you how I feel about it though.  But . . . my answer is yes, I think about it often.

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@LilacTree  I know from some of your past posts that you have mentioned that you aren't a "believer".  As a believer, that is why I remember this .  I won't push onto you what eternity means to me......it is pretty cut and dry.  BUT the fact that you think about it is good.  The only thing I will say about it is, I believe that everyone will go into eternity.....it is just a choice as to where.  Enough said on that....

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@tends2dogs

I wish I could feel as you do and so many others in my life who do believe, including most of my daughters and my extended family. 

From a very young child, I was skeptical . . . I don't know why, as my father was a very loyal Catholic.  My mother never talked about it and we didn't go to church at all regularly.  I remember (very hazily) praying at times when my mother was very sick but never felt as though it was "heard." 

I held this very close to my own heart and never told anyone, as I was ashamed of it.  How I wound up marrying into an extremely Irish Catholic family who I began to resent because of how hard they pushed me .  .  . is something I must have thought would "cure" me, but actually wound up pushing me further away.

These days I'm out of the closet and unashamed, as I am what I am (I think Popeye said that).  My girls went to Catholic school (part of Separation Agreement) and had all of their sacraments.  Only one, my youngest, came to me one night and told me she didn't believe.  We talked long into the night and no one else ever knew.  I'm sure they all know now, but it's not something we ever discuss. 

My belief is that after death we become what we were before we were born . . . non-existent.  It's not something imaginable, the human brain cannot comprehend that.  And I surely do fear it.

[tends2dogs]

@LilacTree  I would have to agree that you aren't a candidate for assisted living.  You have a few physical struggles that sound like they are temporary and you will have to endure those for a season.  We seem to live our lives in seasons, don't we?  I am guessing that the live in situation with your daughter tends to be tense.  Two women in one house usually ends up that way. The fact that you can't just get up and get out for a while on your own has to add to your frustration.  Would you qualify for a visiting nurse while you recoup from your shoulder injury?  It would give you another face to look at and someone else to interact with.  I can relate with being on the sidelines, though.  I have always been the spectator, never the "player" so to speak. 

If you could find an outlet or hobby.  Do you have any?  Having limited mobility with your arm is challenging.  I am going to think about this and pray about this .

Yes, both my parents were loving toward each other.  They were married for 67 years.  They held hands right up to the end.  They were a beautiful example.  I can't begin to tell you how much I miss them.  I would stop over to their house so often and we would sit and do the crossword puzzles.  He would get up every morning and cut the puzzle out of the paper and then fax it to me!  I still have a few of those puzzles left.  Oh, how I would love to do a puzzle with them again......

[LilacTree]

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@tends2dogs wrote:

@LilacTree  I would have to agree that you aren't a candidate for assisted living.  You have a few physical struggles that sound like they are temporary and you will have to endure those for a season.  We seem to live our lives in seasons, don't we?  I am guessing that the live in situation with your daughter tends to be tense.  Two women in one house usually ends up that way. The fact that you can't just get up and get out for a while on your own has to add to your frustration.  Would you qualify for a visiting nurse while you recoup from your shoulder injury?  It would give you another face to look at and someone else to interact with.  I can relate with being on the sidelines, though.  I have always been the spectator, never the "player" so to speak. 

If you could find an outlet or hobby.  Do you have any?  Having limited mobility with your arm is challenging.  I am going to think about this and pray about this .

Yes, both my parents were loving toward each other.  They were married for 67 years.  They held hands right up to the end.  They were a beautiful example.  I can't begin to tell you how much I miss them.  I would stop over to their house so often and we would sit and do the crossword puzzles.  He would get up every morning and cut the puzzle out of the paper and then fax it to me!  I still have a few of those puzzles left.  Oh, how I would love to do a puzzle with them again......

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@tends2dogs

We have more similarities than differences.  I have always been an avid NYT Sunday crossword puzzle person.  I also have bought many of the books and still have them in a box somewhere.  My mom also did them, as did my ex-husband (except he would get them first and then leave them for me to finish, which I usually would).  I learned many words over the years that most people don't know.  I still do them, but have found I have a hard time finishing them anymore.  They have become more abstruse while my brain has become somewhat more obtruse.  (I said it that way on purpose, LOL).

[tends2dogs]

@LilacTree  I think when someone is "born" into a "religion" it is hard to become ungrained in all the dogma and tradition.  I never had that in my upbringing.  My mother was a nonpracticing Catholic.  My dad was raised in a legalistic Christian household.  They didn't carry any of this over to my sister or I.  My husband and I were married for close to 20 years before we became believers.  I won't go into a lot of detail because I don't want this thread to get poofed.  If it does, I apologize.  Anyway, we didn't have a lot of "stuff" to unlearn, if you know what I mean.  I guess being close to 50 years old, I was ripe for the truth and have embraced it with all my heart.  It has seen us through a lot and has given us peace.  We know what the future hold for us, certainly not all the details because so little is told to us, but we know it will be glorious.  We did NOTHING for this gift except accept and believe it.  It takes most of the fear away.

[tends2dogs]

@LilacTree  I just saw this post about your outing yesterday.  How nice!  I agree that everyday isn't a birthday party, but I guess when times are not pleasant, we have to think back at the "I love yous" and the laughter of better times.  This IS everybody's family.

BTW what is LBI daughter?  Never saw that in a crossword puzzle

[LilacTree]

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@tends2dogs wrote:

@LilacTree  I would have to agree that you aren't a candidate for assisted living.  You have a few physical struggles that sound like they are temporary and you will have to endure those for a season.  We seem to live our lives in seasons, don't we?  I am guessing that the live in situation with your daughter tends to be tense.  Two women in one house usually ends up that way. The fact that you can't just get up and get out for a while on your own has to add to your frustration.  Would you qualify for a visiting nurse while you recoup from your shoulder injury?  It would give you another face to look at and someone else to interact with.  I can relate with being on the sidelines, though.  I have always been the spectator, never the "player" so to speak. 

If you could find an outlet or hobby.  Do you have any?  Having limited mobility with your arm is challenging.  I am going to think about this and pray about this .

Yes, both my parents were loving toward each other.  They were married for 67 years.  They held hands right up to the end.  They were a beautiful example.  I can't begin to tell you how much I miss them.  I would stop over to their house so often and we would sit and do the crossword puzzles.  He would get up every morning and cut the puzzle out of the paper and then fax it to me!  I still have a few of those puzzles left.  Oh, how I would love to do a puzzle with them again......

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@tends2dogs

I have RA everywhere in my body plus several other autoimmune diseases that cause symptoms.  My daily pain and exhaustion are my primary problems.  My back is extremely weak from 10+ vertebral compressions.  I cannot bend over or twist or reach up . . . as you said, all things I have learned to contend with.  Many people live with daily pain.  I don't take pain killers (occasional Aleve) as I think they do more harm than good.  I can't stand up for more than five to ten minutes without having to sit and rest.  These are things that someone coming to assist me for an hour or two could not be helpful with.

[LilacTree]

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@tends2dogs wrote:

@LilacTree  I think when someone is "born" into a "religion" it is hard to become ungrained in all the dogma and tradition.  I never had that in my upbringing.  My mother was a nonpracticing Catholic.  My dad was raised in a legalistic Christian household.  They didn't carry any of this over to my sister or I.  My husband and I were married for close to 20 years before we became believers.  I won't go into a lot of detail because I don't want this thread to get poofed.  If it does, I apologize.  Anyway, we didn't have a lot of "stuff" to unlearn, if you know what I mean.  I guess being close to 50 years old, I was ripe for the truth and have embraced it with all my heart.  It has seen us through a lot and has given us peace.  We know what the future hold for us, certainly not all the details because so little is told to us, but we know it will be glorious.  We did NOTHING for this gift except accept and believe it.  It takes most of the fear away.

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@tends2dogs

I envy you.  And yes, it must alleviate the fear. 

[LilacTree]

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@tends2dogs wrote:

@LilacTree  I just saw this post about your outing yesterday.  How nice!  I agree that everyday isn't a birthday party, but I guess when times are not pleasant, we have to think back at the "I love yous" and the laughter of better times.  This IS everybody's family.

BTW what is LBI daughter?  Never saw that in a crossword puzzle

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@tends2dogs

We all live in NJ and Long Beach Island (LBI) is a barrier island on our shores.  I have four daughters and that's where she lives, so I refer to her that way.   Many posters here know that, but obviously many do not.

[tends2dogs]

@LilacTree  I think the web is having problems.  When I click on NOTIFICATIONS  the page is empty and says that have none.

Also, I tried to edit my last post for grammatical errors (so embarrassing) and there isn't an option for that. Sorry.