Re: Are your holidays full of family and friends,o... - Page 3

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

IG wrote:

@house_cat
I enjoy your posts no matter where you post 'em!
Like everyone else on the forums, you're free to post wherever you're most comfortable!

Thank you. That's sweet :-) I enjoy chatting with my kitchen peeps :-)

~ house cat ~

embgm · ‎07-02-2014

Is it possible for you to share your Christmas celebration with friends the weekend before or after Christmas so you and your husband have a special holiday?

forrestwolf · ‎06-20-2010

I now only have my dad, and it is just another day....I do not celebrate Thanksgiving, and Christmas is so commercial now, it does not mean what it did once....My mom's family disowned me after I followed her wishes and had her cremated....I will cook for dad, but he may not agree to come, IF it might rain, even thou he lives 2 miles away, so ANY holiday is just another day in my life.....and a blessed day off from work.......

The strength of the wolf is the pack, and the strength of the pack is the wolf.......

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@house_cat wrote:
I love the thought of the fall and winter holidays. I always imagine warm gatherings with family and friends.

In reality, it's not like that. DH and I spent many holidays alone, since moving far from our families. We love our lives here and have fulfilling jobs and lots of friends, but when it comes to the holidays, it's lonely.

Now that we've moved my mom and dad here, it's even worse. When it was just us, we could escape and do something unusual on a holiday, to avoid sitting home alone. Mom and Dad are not able to get out, so we spend our holidays, just the four of us. I try to make those times as pleasant as possible, but they really are kind of depressing.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Life sometimes presents itself in ways that aren't always what we might consider to be ideal or even all that appealing. Its just the way it sometimes unfolds.

But one always has choices. It was a choice to move your parents closer to you. It was a choice they made to make the move. Its a choice to continue on in the situation you find yourself. You could choose to do something other. Like, not visit them.

But you do choose to visit or be with them on every holiday.

As perhaps it must be or even should be. I mean, we are here on earth ultimately for one another.

Fortunately, there are many more days of the year that aren't holidays. One can do a lot of living the whole year 'round as to then not feel so trapped as the holidays approach.

In the end, in my opinion, everything is attitude. Its how we come to a situation - any situation in life. Heck, there are people WITH the whole big family and hearth & home scenario who dread that or "hate" being with all their siblings or wearing matching reindeer sweatshirts. They have it all - by others' standards - but their attitude prevents them from enjoying it.

So its always attitude or how one decides to approach the day. It might not be the "fun" as one sees in movies. But really, especially regarding the holidays, it should be the spirit of the season which drives the family wagon.

There was a period in my life when many of my relatives seemed to be aging out of the system (and dying). It was a period of life when holidays were spent in ways not of my first choosing. But one wanted to visit them as they were aged, homebound or ill or dying. It wasn't the "fun" of taking a Disney vacation at Christmas. It had its moments of boredom. But it also had its moments of joy. And now that all those people are dead and gone I don't regret a moment of those holidays or time - or "fun" - "sacrificed" in order to be with them. It was a blessing. I think that they would have had NOTHING otherwise.

And in turn, I hope the same holds true in return as I get old or sick or too frail as to be the loads of fun I am now. I hope someone will be with ME on such holidays when I can no longer do much for myself.

Its hard to see sometimes but it is a blessing that you can be there for your parents who obviously need someone or need assistance. That is the greatest gift you can give them. Its probably the greatest way anyone can truly spend their time or energies especially at the holidays (often cited as being the loneliest time of the year for most people).

Going on a ski vacation or doing whatever else one can think of doing at the holiday might be more "fun" but its not necessarily always more important.

But you should seek (and find) more pleasure in what it is you're doing. You might not be able to change the basic framework. But you can approach it all differently. You can lift the mood by simply lifting it. If you can take your parents out - even for a couple of hours, do it. Or try to invite another person whom you know will be alone to join you all. There are more people out there than just yourselves or your parents who find themselves literally alone on a major holiday.

But in any event, if you always keep in mind what is truly important in life, even a dull. monotonous day with your parents is still a gift to them (and to yourself in the end). You can't change the facts but you can work at expunging the dull or the dark loneliness of the doing.

You can be the loneliest person in all the world even if you're surrounded by friends, family and activity during the holidays. Don't forget that.

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

I especially enjoy the quiet morning of New Year’s Day, before the hustle of the day begins. I like to take a private time with last year’s calendar alongside the new one, to be thankful for the events we experienced last year and to consider what is to come. A clean calendar, full of hope and possibilities.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@IamMrsG wrote:
Sooner wrote, in part.: "...Sure, life was wonderful back when the family was all together. But I don't have them now, and that's the way it is. I can let it go and forget about it and do something I enjoy or sit an mope around about it. To be brutally honest, those are my choices...I'm just saying you choose what to do with every day you have on this earth. Be blessed by it and don't look back...Joan Rivers said something about the past is gone the future is a dream and today is "the present" and think of it like that. I am not t rying to be mean, but I am saying that is just the way I deal with the cards in my hand..."
Sooner, you probably have, as I understand it, a high Emotional IQ. Rather than spend your time and energy railing against what should be, you deal with what is. It's commendable, and I imagine you're emotionally and physically healthier, and happier for it.

You have said the kindest thing in the world to me, and that means a lot. You made my day.

My husband and I are happy and successful in life, but both have had families that either are resentful and mean-spirited or people who died a long time ago. We have had a lot of practice at "making the best of it" looking for the good in live and moving on when that's about the only option. Not that I can take credit for your compliment, but it certainly will be remembered and motivate me and others here.

italia8140 · ‎04-27-2015

@chi5925 wrote:
@house_cat wrote:
I love the thought of the fall and winter holidays. I always imagine warm gatherings with family and friends.

In reality, it's not like that. DH and I spent many holidays alone, since moving far from our families. We love our lives here and have fulfilling jobs and lots of friends, but when it comes to the holidays, it's lonely.

Now that we've moved my mom and dad here, it's even worse. When it was just us, we could escape and do something unusual on a holiday, to avoid sitting home alone. Mom and Dad are not able to get out, so we spend our holidays, just the four of us. I try to make those times as pleasant as possible, but they really are kind of depressing.

Does anyone else feel like this?

You say you imagine holidays with family and friends but since you and hubby are alone, your holidays are "lonely".

However, you also state that now that mom and dad are close by, your holidays are "depressing".

??

SAD.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

Since we moved to Florida we are not near family so we spend our Christmas holidays with close friends who are in similar situations. There are just 5 of us but we all get along well and have become like a family so we have a good time.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

House Cat: I am reading you post tonight with tears in my eyes. I have read your posts over the years and have the utmost respect for the way you have handled your parents move all the way across the country. The feelings you have struck a nerve with me and memories of my parent and their struggles with their health. Many people cannot begin to understanding the struggles you experience, and I hope they never will. I don't have any answers for you but wish you the very best in dealing with aging parents. My hat is off to you!!!