compliment gone awry :( - Page 2

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

It depends on what you said to the woman, which must have been offensive since you didn't tell us. I assume that you "complimented" her on how young she looked "for her age" or that you gushed about how much she looked like that celebrity. You have odd idea of what "age" looks like and that might be why she took offense. In this day and age, you can't tell how old someone is. And just knowing that someone is 40 or 60 or 80 doesn't in anway mean that they must look a certain way. I've had people tell me that I don't "look like I have children in their thirties". I don't get offended but I it always comes across as a dumb thing to say to someone. Is it supposed to be a compliment? What is a woman with adult children supposed to look like? I have a 31 year old and a 33 year old, so obviously I must look like I do. All those things flash through my mind in an instant! Don't worry about it. Just learn from it. You got a little to personal with someone you didn't even know. Next time, just say "I love that necklace...:".

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I don't think I would be offended if somebody said I looked good for my age because I know they most likely meant well. Some people are not as eloquent as others, and I get that.

But I am curious as to what precisely was said, to make a call as to why this lady seemed so perturbed at the compliment.

Heck, the last time I got asked for my ID in a grocery store to purchase a 12 pack of beer I was 42. The lady, who was rather rude initially (she really DID think I was under 21!), about fell over herself when I showed my driver's license. She got nice after that, which I appreciated. Yup, I looked good for my age. It's probably caught up by now but I'll always remember that.

But, seriously, even if the OP said the lady looked good for her age, it's kind of rude that the lady was so rude at an obvious good intention.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

It 's hard for me to understand people being sensitive about how old they are. I am always happy to have another birthday. I love this anonymous board because I can say something I would never say in person: I was always attractive and still am but I think I look my age. And that's just fine with me. I don't think about it! My self-worth has never been based on my appearance.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@freakygirl wrote:
i was at a christmas party last night and there was a lady there who was older than me (i won't mention her age). her husband was the one who mentioned her age, and i was taken aback. she looked great for someone her age, in my estimation of how someone her age would most likely look. she even resembled a celebrity. so i sincerely complimented her, and i was rewarded with a death stare. she then proceeded to get up and walk away. i was dumbfounded, and up until now, i can't understand what i said wrong. i'm old, but my age has never bothered me.
i guess i should be more careful next time before i compliment someone.

@freakygirl

So why didn't you tell us what you "sincerely" said?

ValuSkr · ‎03-15-2014

If her husband told you her age, I'd feel like he was fishing for a compliment, knowing she'd appreciate it. I'd probably have said something similar (you look great for your age, etc). Weird situation - in the twilight zone.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@chickenbutt wrote:
I don't think I would be offended if somebody said I looked good for my age because I know they most likely meant well. Some people are not as eloquent as others, and I get that.

But I am curious as to what precisely was said, to make a call as to why this lady seemed so perturbed at the compliment.

Heck, the last time I got asked for my ID in a grocery store to purchase a 12 pack of beer I was 42. The lady, who was rather rude initially (she really DID think I was under 21!), about fell over herself when I showed my driver's license. She got nice after that, which I appreciated. Yup, I looked good for my age. It's probably caught up by now but I'll always remember that.

But, seriously, even if the OP said the lady looked good for her age, it's kind of rude that the lady was so rude at an obvious good intention.

Well, that's why we all learn from a young age that it is rude and impolite to comment on a stranger's appearance appearance. We just never know how it will be taken. There's a difference between "I love the shade of your lipstick" or "that hat is very flattering and so chic" and....."you sure do look good for someone your age".

freakygirl · ‎07-03-2014

yes, i did say for your age, and now i'll never use those 3 words again! i've complimented others the same way, both men and women, and they were just giddy hearing it. this is the first adverse reaction i've encountered, so i better stop saying it. no one in my family is sensitive that way, so i'm just unfamiliar with age being an issue.

live and learn.

Krimpette · ‎03-09-2010

Without knowing what you said (no matter how sincere), impossible to tell why she was offended.

tennpal15 · ‎03-09-2010

@freakygirl wrote:
yes, i did say for your age, and now i'll never use those 3 words again! i've complimented others the same way, both men and women, and they were just giddy hearing it. this is the first adverse reaction i've encountered, so i better stop saying it. no one in my family is sensitive that way, so i'm just unfamiliar with age being an issue.
live and learn.

that is the very definition of a back-handed compliment. I'm not surprised she iced you out.

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

Compliments shouldn't come with qualifiers, such as "for your age" or "for a girl," because those aren't really compliments, they sound condescending. Even if you did not actually use the words "for your age," but complimented her only after someone else gave her age, that person already qualified your compliment for you. If you said, "Oh, but you look beautiful" or "I never would have guessed, you look so beautiful/young/etc" that also comes across as meaning "no one your age could expect to be beautiful." If it was right after her husband gave her age, it could also have been interpreted as a pity compliment.

Or maybe she was just having a bad day and it wouldn't have mattered what you said. That can be a factor at any time.

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