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Super Contributor
Posts: 3,772
Registered: ‎06-25-2013

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

Send the gift. What is the world coming to if a person cannot graciously accept a baby gift? Just because you weren't invited to the baby's b-day party, there is nothing wrong with sending a gift that shows your care and generosity. I don't agree that just because you don't get an invitation it's not okay to send a gift. As a few others mentioned, there is never anything bad about being thoughtful. I don't see how the Mom would take offense, and if she did then that would be silly on her part. Perhaps they thought you would be bored at a baby birthday, but I have sent gifts of congratulations or celebration many times when it was something I never attended. I don't think being invited has anything to do with showing care. I would send your gift with the knowledge you did a nice thing. Smile

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,148
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

I agree - SEND THE GIFT!

You are way over-thinking this.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,839
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

I don't see anything wrong with giving a gift. Sometimes when people have parties or weddings and such they have to cut some people out of the invites due to cost for instance. It doesn't mean they don't like you or anything.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make~ The Beatles
Super Contributor
Posts: 1,057
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

On 4/17/2014 shy bobcat said:
On 4/17/2014 straykatz said:

How many times have you seen/met this 1 yr old? In your own words you are not close..... so even though this seems like a nice gesture it might come across as a little odd for someone who is pretty much a stranger to give a gift.

My dd's in-laws are giving the party. We see them 1-2 times a year. I think the party will be rather small.

I'm still confused. Are the parents of the baby in-laws to your DD? Or are they friends of your DD's in-laws? Do you know them - have you met them? Is there a reason the mom would feel bad that you were not invited to the party if you give a gift? Are you upset that you were not invited?

I'm not sure what the real dilemma is here.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,287
Registered: ‎01-24-2013

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

Send the gift !

Super Contributor
Posts: 1,456
Registered: ‎11-04-2013

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

After reading your update, I would refrain sending the gift and donate it to a worthy charity. I may be wrong but I sense you might have felt slighted that you were not invited...

Super Contributor
Posts: 1,057
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

Normally, I would agree that giving a gift for a baby's birthday is a thoughtful gesture.

However, since the OP has made the issue - 1) that she was not invited to the party (the very first thing she mentioned) and 2) that the mom might thus be embarrassed at the receipt of a gift, I'm not so sure it is as straightforward as that.

And the question was about doing something nice even if it makes the person feel bad - which sounds a lot like shaming - which if that is the situation, would be neither thoughtful nor nice.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,415
Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

You know what parent would like this gift? The recipient who is accessing the services of a woman's shelter. Giving a child a gift in that situation is so fulfilling for both parties. Since you don't know them, this would be the same thing...and so very appreciative!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,475
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

Now that I know a bit more info and that your DD's inlaws did not invite you (why not?), I'll have to re-think the situation. Why didn't your daughter mention to her MIL that she would like her mom (you) to attend, too. Maybe you are un-officially invited. Did the daughter get a paper invitation? (If not, maybe the O/P and her daughter are expected to attend.) Confusing, for sure. I'd like more info...........

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,148
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Would you do something nice if it might make the person feel bad?

She came back and said she didn't know if the gift would make the mom feel bad or not. Not sure how thinking the mom would feel bad even became part of her thought process.

It's not like she's giving a gift to a complete stranger. I bet the mom would be thrilled and think it thoughtful. I can't imagine otherwise.