Why Do Some People Ignore The Elderly - Page 7

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

You can't win in this day and age no matter what you do. MOST older people have a lot of issues and needs, and I think people try to make the best of dispensing medical information and is important to get and dispense. You could ask my mom something and she'd give you an off the wall answer and you would NEVER know it at that moment. She might tell you she had heart trouble (she doesn't) or had a shot she didn't have or has had her eyes examined last month (untrue). I think the speak to the younger person to be sure that things are being understood correctly.

As far as "parking people in homes" many of our elderly have to be there simply because they cannot distingush between fact and dreams, today and forty years ago, who is alive and who isn't, have they eaten, is the gas turned on on the stovetop, are worried about the lion they saw in the garage, do I need to call the ambulance AGAIN right now, should I call the police, when to take a bath, where is my home, I'm outside and I am going to walk to school now, were visited by family who have been dead for 30 years, and such and so forth. Often they stay up all night for days straight and will sleep for two days then. If you haven't been there, you may talk to them in a nursing home and think they are fine and have a lovely conversation, and criticize the family if you haven't walked in their shoes.

As many know, it is a hard hard road for other. I think all involved need to remember that and be as patient and understanding with all people involved--the older person and the people who deal with them and take care of them--as possible. I think for the most part, people involved in all aspects try to do the best they can with what they are working with and struggling with.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Sooner wrote:
You can't win in this day and age no matter what you do. MOST older people have a lot of issues and needs, and I think people try to make the best of dispensing medical information and is important to get and dispense. You could ask my mom something and she'd give you an off the wall answer and you would NEVER know it at that moment. She might tell you she had heart trouble (she doesn't) or had a shot she didn't have or has had her eyes examined last month (untrue). I think the speak to the younger person to be sure that things are being understood correctly.

As far as "parking people in homes" many of our elderly have to be there simply because they cannot distingush between fact and dreams, today and forty years ago, who is alive and who isn't, have they eaten, is the gas turned on on the stovetop, are worried about the lion they saw in the garage, do I need to call the ambulance AGAIN right now, should I call the police, when to take a bath, where is my home, I'm outside and I am going to walk to school now, were visited by family who have been dead for 30 years, and such and so forth. Often they stay up all night for days straight and will sleep for two days then. If you haven't been there, you may talk to them in a nursing home and think they are fine and have a lovely conversation, and criticize the family if you haven't walked in their shoes.

As many know, it is a hard hard road for other. I think all involved need to remember that and be as patient and understanding with all people involved--the older person and the people who deal with them and take care of them--as possible. I think for the most part, people involved in all aspects try to do the best they can with what they are working with and struggling with.

@Sooner

Very well stated ..... and I think the clueless ones who criticize families of a senior being put in a nursing home have never experienced CAREGIVER BURNOUT.

You do the best you can ... and that's the best you can do.

febe1 · ‎01-22-2012

@Jordan2 wrote:
I take care of my elderly mother who is 88 years old. She worked most of her adult life as a salesgirl and then in customer service with a freight company. She knows how to speak to people and is friendly. Now she has her senior moments at times but still has her faculties. Heck, I'm a lot younger than she is and I have to write things down or I can forget! Anyway whenever we go to the doctor or in a store people will speak to me like she's not there! If someone calls on the phone about her, they will ask to speak to me. They are assuming that she doesn't know what's going on and has nothing to offer, but she does. I will at times tell them to ask her themselves. It hurts my heart to have her treated this way. I always enjoy speaking to an elderly person and I would say for the most part they enjoy it too. People should be more considerate. One day they will be elderly, I only hope they won't be treated the same.

I agree, and saw the same thing with my mom in her 80's. Whenever I was with her, she was totally ignored and they would ask me. It's all a part of that becoming "invisible" as you age, and it happens much earlier than 80's. I saw it happen in my 50's with my tall son. Attention was given to him first when we were together.

It's terrible. People don't know the older person is aware of this. Just b/c you get old, does not mean your brain stops functioning.

I guess it's not as bad as when they sent the elderly out on an ice floe to die!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
You can't win in this day and age no matter what you do. MOST older people have a lot of issues and needs, and I think people try to make the best of dispensing medical information and is important to get and dispense. You could ask my mom something and she'd give you an off the wall answer and you would NEVER know it at that moment. She might tell you she had heart trouble (she doesn't) or had a shot she didn't have or has had her eyes examined last month (untrue). I think the speak to the younger person to be sure that things are being understood correctly.

As far as "parking people in homes" many of our elderly have to be there simply because they cannot distingush between fact and dreams, today and forty years ago, who is alive and who isn't, have they eaten, is the gas turned on on the stovetop, are worried about the lion they saw in the garage, do I need to call the ambulance AGAIN right now, should I call the police, when to take a bath, where is my home, I'm outside and I am going to walk to school now, were visited by family who have been dead for 30 years, and such and so forth. Often they stay up all night for days straight and will sleep for two days then. If you haven't been there, you may talk to them in a nursing home and think they are fine and have a lovely conversation, and criticize the family if you haven't walked in their shoes.

As many know, it is a hard hard road for other. I think all involved need to remember that and be as patient and understanding with all people involved--the older person and the people who deal with them and take care of them--as possible. I think for the most part, people involved in all aspects try to do the best they can with what they are working with and struggling with.
@Sooner

Very well stated ..... and I think the clueless ones who criticize families of a senior being put in a nursing home have never experienced CAREGIVER BURNOUT.

You do the best you can ... and that's the best you can do.

Exactly and even if it isn't burnout, sometimes you simply can't manage them 24 hours a day, evaluate their medical condition, be sure they aren't getting out of the house, have medications there as needed (even at 2 in the morning), and all the things that even those who are relatively healthy need done 24/7. Nursing homes, and many are very good, have facilities to bathe them, they monitor their food intake, etc. and do a thousand things you would never think of.

And you do the best you can, and it seems it's never enough. It is hard and heartbreaking.

momtochloe · ‎11-03-2013

@orange wrote:

@SahmIam

Wow, you sure are assuming a LOT ......

I also think it's likely that when an "elderly" person is accompanied by a younger adult, it's easy to assume the younger adult needs to be there due to some sort of cognitive or hearing problem.

If an older person is fully functional, why would they need the "assistance" of another person to go with them? It could just be a honest mistake.
I think I can help answer this. As my mom got older she became a bit more nervous about health issues and appreciated the assurance of having me there for moral support when she had a doctor's appointment. I was someone to chat with while waiting for the doctor. As we get older I think we consider our mortality more than we did when we were younger. And my mom is still 'with it'.

@orange I completely agree with this and will add if you are the caregiver and need to handle the day to day tasks (like caring for specific, physical needs or an adjustment to meds) I always took the lead on that as I knew I would be doing the specifics in that case (and to be honest my mom always deferred to me as you mentioned in your post).

I always made sure my mom (whom I was so lucky that mentally she was more than capable to the end of her life) was fully included on any discussions and decisions.

Deb1010yetagain · ‎12-09-2013

It's sad that some people feel the elderly have nothing to offer.

It also reminds me of when my parents would go to buy a tractor or a car and they would ignore my mother.

In both cases the true decision maker is being ignored or dismissed.

febe1 · ‎01-22-2012

I hope everyone doesn't think b/c a younger person is with an elderly person it is b/c they need attendance. I loved doing things with my mom and spending time with her in her old age. She was my mom and my best friend and nobody can ever replace your Mother.

Through my working years, I took one day out of the weekend to spend with her. We had a good time together, and as an only daughter with three brothers, I could enjoy all the girly things with her.

Many times now, I think of so many things I never got to know of my mother; things I never asked her about. It makes me sad that I did not share more of her as a person than just as a Mother.

My mom had dementia the last couple years of her life. It was a long good-bye as I lost her a few years before she died. She needed 24 hour care the last year, and my three wonderful brothers and I gave that to her.. It always amazed me her wonderful ability to understand and accept each one of us, different though we were.

I hope while you still have your mothers, you enjoy the wonderful and unique relationship I had with mine..

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

@SusieQ_2 wrote:
@Cakers3 wrote:
This is sad. Reminds me of the John Prine song "Hello in There"

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger,
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day.
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello."

So if you're walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes,
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare
As if you didn't care, say, "Hello in there, hello."

You taught me something with this post! I always thought that was a Joan Baez song. She does a great cover.

In case anyone wants to listen (of course there will probably be an ad first) ~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhMCKOwPVDs

I listened to this song, not exactly a happy tune, is it!?

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@febe1 wrote:
I hope everyone doesn't think b/c a younger person is with an elderly person it is b/c they need attendance. I loved doing things with my mom and spending time with her in her old age. She was my mom and my best friend and nobody can ever replace your Mother.
Through my working years, I took one day out of the weekend to spend with her. We had a good time together, and as an only daughter with three brothers, I could enjoy all the girly things with her.
Many times now, I think of so many things I never got to know of my mother; things I never asked her about. It makes me sad that I did not share more of her as a person than just as a Mother.
My mom had dementia the last couple years of her life. It was a long good-bye as I lost her a few years before she died. She needed 24 hour care the last year, and my three wonderful brothers and I gave that to her.. It always amazed me her wonderful ability to understand and accept each one of us, different though we were.
I hope while you still have your mothers, you enjoy the wonderful and unique relationship I had with mine..

@febe1

Well. for some it can be hard to tell, especially if the younger person starts the conversation.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@febe1 wrote:
I hope everyone doesn't think b/c a younger person is with an elderly person it is b/c they need attendance. I loved doing things with my mom and spending time with her in her old age. She was my mom and my best friend and nobody can ever replace your Mother.
Through my working years, I took one day out of the weekend to spend with her. We had a good time together, and as an only daughter with three brothers, I could enjoy all the girly things with her.
Many times now, I think of so many things I never got to know of my mother; things I never asked her about. It makes me sad that I did not share more of her as a person than just as a Mother.
My mom had dementia the last couple years of her life. It was a long good-bye as I lost her a few years before she died. She needed 24 hour care the last year, and my three wonderful brothers and I gave that to her.. It always amazed me her wonderful ability to understand and accept each one of us, different though we were.
I hope while you still have your mothers, you enjoy the wonderful and unique relationship I had with mine..
@febe1

Well. for some it can be hard to tell, especially if the younger person starts the conversation.

If you are over 85 and people not addressing you directly when you with another younger person is a problem worth worrying about, you are fortunate and blessed beyond all reason.