My mom lived with dementia for many years until her passing this past week at 94. In the early stages mom would become frustrated because she was aware that she was having trouble remembering but as her dementia progressed she changed and became content as she was no longer aware that she wasn't remembering or was using the wrong words when communicating She became peaceful and relaxed because she no longer had the worries or concerns of everyday life and didn't realize that we often did not know what she was trying to say or how to respond.
Dementia is not the same as Alzheimer disease and everyone reacts differently and in different time frames but based on my experience with mom and observing and interacting with too many dementia patients in mom's nursing home unit I have no doubt that it is much more difficult for "us" than the disease is on the one afflicted once the point of realization that something is "wrong" has passed.
One of the most striking things is that once mom reached the stage of not being aware of her disability she was much happier and often childlike. Yes, she lived like that for a long time but one of the biggest blessings, IMO, was her not having any concept of time. She simply did not know she was different, nor that she had been for so long.
There is one more thing I'd like to say to those facing the possibility of putting your loved one in the care of a facility. Although the decision was essentially taken out of my hands because I could no longer physically care for mom at home having her enter a care facility was the best thing that happened for both of us and I credit her nursing home caretakers for mom's last years being happy, comfortable and content.
I visited almost daily and the time we spent together was stress free and enjoyable. Although she did not remember me as her daughter she was very aware that I was there to visit and spend time with her. Our relationship during the almost four years mom was in the nursing home was so much better than the last several years mom was at home which had me constantly stressed, tired, sleep deprived and irritable.
Having mom in the care of professionals was a blessing for both of us and I have no doubt I would have lost her sooner if it weren't for the loving care of the staff in mom's memory care unit. They were truly invested in her well being.
The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.
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