Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party pr... - Page 4

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

Just say "no." Very simple.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I know of not a single person who would want to be the victim of a surprise party.

The fun resides with the givers, it's the plotting, the secrecy, and then the enjoyment of the response. Afterwards it's the pleasure in pulling it off.

Then they choose to believe the person was pleased never stopping to think that a gracious person would, of course, play the part, act pleased, thank them.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@scotnovel wrote:
I think if her husband wants to give her a party that it should be up to him to decide whether to support her wishes or to do something special for her which seems to be important to him. I wouldn't interfere and would let him (or others that he might ask) put the party together.

Seems like you are forgetting what "she" wants on "her" birthday. I'll do what my wife prefers on her birthday, not some crazy, off the wall thing, that satisfies me.

hnj

hckynut(john)

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

@mima Are you certain she doesn't want a party or is she just being humble? My mom always tells us not to make a big deal about anything but she is so flattered when we do. She just doesn't want to trouble anyone. For her 80th I will most definitely throw her a party but if I ask her whether she WANTS a party she wouls likely say no.

Im just feeling like your stepdad (her current husband who presumably knows her quite well) might be onto something. Just wanting to keep options open. Best of luck.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

@mima, hello Mima. I just read through your original post again and I read the first sentence of your post. I think you said it perfectly.

Unless you don't believe your DM and think she really does want a party.

luvdoodles · ‎06-19-2010

We went through this also when my mother turned 80 three years ago. I mention I wanted to have a party for her and she said oh, no no no. She didn't sound too convincing though, a litte wishy washy. I went ahead and made plans for a surprise party for her at my house with all her relatives, neices and grandchildren. She said it the best birthday party she ever had and still talks about it to this day. We got some great pictures too.

If she really sounds insistence and doesn't want a party, respect her wishes, but I bet she would love it. My mother was in good health and still is. Not sure if that would be an issue for you. You know her best.

mima · ‎03-14-2010

My original plans was to offer to take her to the casino and buy her lunch there and spend the afternoon. This would be on her actual BD which is on a Thurs.

Stepdad said in order for his adult kids to come, it would have to be on a weekend. That means they would stay at Mom's house since they live far away. That adds up to 3 teens and 5 adults. That alone wears mom out.

He literally brought to me a huge bag of pictures for me to "make a display". He is shoving it on me.

I'm going to talk to my adult daughter today about this. My oldest daughter and my mom are close too. Then I'm just going to ask mom if a "get together" would be fun for her BD. I won't actually call it a party and see what she says.

The thing is, if we have a get together of any kinds his kids will want to come. That is a good thing that they love her, but it does wear her out.

Thank you so much for all your input. You confirmed what I thought all along. I knew down deep what I needed to do. I just needed to confirm that my feelings were right.

Thank you so much for your opinions and posts.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

I don't understand people who insist on having a party when the person says they don't want one. There is no "oh, she'll ultimately like it, she just doesn't want the fuss." She said no. Why is it so difficult for people to understand? If she said no, and really means yes, but doesn't want the fuss, she wouldn't get a party from me because she said no.

I know how I feel about surprise parties. I know how others feel about surprise parties. When I say I don't want a surprise party ever, for anything, I mean it. That means I don't want a "small" gathering. That means I don't want to go out to dinner and have people show up for dessert. That means I don't want to arrive at a restaurant and have people waiting there. No means I want nothing.

IMO there shouldn't be a discussion about it. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge the birthday at all but it means you respect her wishes.

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

Based n having eight people coming to stay at her house, she might like the idea of a party in her heart but not want the collateral damage that comes with it. Given the choice, I would say No, too. Get a hotel, people, and take her out for a nice birthday dinner, no surprises allowed.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop