Re: What are Men's Expectations when it comes to D... - Page 5

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

I strongly urge you to own your own power. Don't be so concerned about men's expectations. Really. Focus on your preferences and act accordingly. Men are totally replaceable. If he doesn't like your preferences, be grateful that he disclosed who he is and his sincere intentions. Don't even blink...move on to the next one. I am 54 and, yes, I'm in the dating world. My experience is that most middle aged men are very nice and well intentioned--and, frankly, a bit needy. I've found that the traditional secks roles common in the 20s are now pretty much reversed! It's a great age (50s) to be a female in the dating world!

Chrystaltree2 · ‎12-08-2014

I'm pretty sure it depends on the man. You do know that ALL men aren't the same...right? It's not 1965 and it's not likely that the average man who is dating a woman is going to wait for months for intimacy. I think if a woman is saying right off the bat that she won't even consider secks for "months"; that means she isn't interested in it under any circumstances and that woman should be honest and open about with any man she dates. Just say it sometime on the first date or the second date. Any later than that and you are just leading a guy on. You are old fashioned and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you tell men that sooner, rather than later. I do think a man who is looking for real relationship would welcome a woman who wants to take things slow so the two can get to know each other. But most women don't put time limits on it and it certainly wouldn't take "months" to know that you have feelings for a man and WANT to be intimate. How soon intimace occurs depends solely on the two people involved. Some do it on the first date; some wait a while. The only "rule" is honesty.

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

How Old Are YOU? It matters to some men if they are after intimacy.

I really thought your question was one of the those that the high school boys ask. Folllow your gut instinct.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

Part of it is going to depend on how you're meeting these men. If you're going to websites that are known for hookups, there ya go. Not all men are created equal.

I say go out 2 or 3 times before you even have the discussion about seks. There are plenty of gentlemen out there that will wait, but I'm not sure how many are going to wait months or years. And I don't know many women that would either.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Men always think about sex, and when they can next have it.

So, yeah, the reality is, if a man buys you dinner, he'll feel as though you owe him, and will put the moves on you. That's a fact.

That's why it's good to go dutch on the first dates.. No expectations. I like meeting someone on the first date without all the dinner /drinks etc expense. Simple date of going to a coffee shop, or a walk in a busy public park.

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

@missy1 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Men always think about sex, and when they can next have it.

So, yeah, the reality is, if a man buys you dinner, he'll feel as though you owe him, and will put the moves on you. That's a fact.

That's why it's good to go dutch on the first dates.. No expectations. I like meeting someone on the first date without all the dinner /drinks etc expense. Simple date of going to a coffee shop, or a walk in a busy public park.

I don't think you can make a blanket statement about men buying dinner and then putting the moves on you and expecting something. It's not a fact. There are plenty of men that will buy dinner and not do that. Like I mentioned before, it's going to party depend on how you're meeting them. You can put yourself in a situation where you will come across that type of man.

I think it's OK for him to buy you a cup of coffee. I don't like the whole dinner thing because then you're forced to be with that person face to face for a good 1-2 hours. It's fine if you hit it off from the start. But often you're stuck there trying to make awkward conversation. Meet at a nice coffee shop or grab your coffee and go to a park (separate cars).

I am curious how old the OP is.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@RedConvertibleGirl wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Men always think about sex, and when they can next have it.

So, yeah, the reality is, if a man buys you dinner, he'll feel as though you owe him, and will put the moves on you. That's a fact.

That's why it's good to go dutch on the first dates.. No expectations. I like meeting someone on the first date without all the dinner /drinks etc expense. Simple date of going to a coffee shop, or a walk in a busy public park.

I don't think you can make a blanket statement about men buying dinner and then putting the moves on you and expecting something. It's not a fact. There are plenty of men that will buy dinner and not do that. Like I mentioned before, it's going to party depend on how you're meeting them. You can put yourself in a situation where you will come across that type of man.

I think it's OK for him to buy you a cup of coffee. I don't like the whole dinner thing because then you're forced to be with that person face to face for a good 1-2 hours. It's fine if you hit it off from the start. But often you're stuck there trying to make awkward conversation. Meet at a nice coffee shop or grab your coffee and go to a park (separate cars).

I am curious how old the OP is.

. After the men pay for a few dates in a row, yes they will expect something. That's why I suggest doing inexpensive things at first. Movies are a bad choice, because you can't talk. I feel going to dinner you can't be yourself with others are watching. I do agree go in separate cars, for a few dates.

If you are not currently in the dating world, people have no idea .

I thought the op said in another post they are turning 30?

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

@missy1 wrote:

. After the men pay for a few dates in a row, yes they will expect something. That's why I suggest doing inexpensive things at first. Movies are a bad choice, because you can't talk. I feel going to dinner you can't be yourself with others are watching.

If you are not currently in the dating world, people have no idea .

I think movies can be a great choice for a first date. Just don't pick something that might be questionable or it might make you uncomfortable. Go to a early show, then go for coffee (or grab some easy food and head to a park) afterwards and discuss the movie. At least you'll have something to talk about.

MacDUFF · ‎05-29-2015

I was trying to think back to when/how this "third date" idea came into vogue...seriously, I think it was a Glamour Magazine type of "conventional wisdom" (or maybe part and parcel of new agism?) constituting a modern measuring stick by which a woman's morals could be determined (it's hard to get around the truth that men and women who sleep around or who sleep with you right away are "loose" no matter if you call it love or freedom or empowerment or whatever): if she sleeps with you before the magical 3rd date, don't bring her home to meet mom; if she waits until the 3rd date, she's a decent woman.

My dad was right as to what most men expect in dating...he told me to look for a man with self-control and other priorities. And he told me that the price of a nice dinner was worth it for the pleasure of the company of an intelligent, nice looking, funny young woman (I have never paid for a date, ever.) My mom told me that self-respecting women did not sleep with men who weren't their husbands.

For me, I had had enough with the conventional wisdom way of dating...several broken hearts and a big mess financially, to name a few reasons. And some of my women friends had it a lot worse until they figured it out.

I finally realized that the word "dating" had come to mean something very different from what it used to mean. It used to mean going out with a potential mate, learning about each other, determining if you were suited for each other, falling in love, and marrying (or moving on). Now "dating" pretty much means "hooking up*." (But, not before the 3rd date LOL).

I had to take a long time-out and figure out what I wanted and determine if the terms I was using for dating, love, commitment, etc., had taken on new meanings (they had) and if that was negatively impacting my decisions. I finally realized that the one thing I hadn't tried was the way my parents and grandmother had taught me (at the risk of riling up the non-believers, i.e. G-d's way).

I had to determine what I wanted for my life and my future...I had to really examine the bills of goods being sold to me (and that I spouted off and followed). Was all this change (i.e. the seksual revolution) really good for me, for society, for rearing children? I answered "no."

@LTT1 mentioned The Rules. I stumbled across this book, read it, and followed it to a T, except for the chapter where they suggest waiting as long as you need to before intimacy...IIRC, they suggested months, so I have to give them credit for that.

I also had to accept that I might be alone for the rest of my life given how difficult it is to swim upstream from conventional wisdom. I had to accept that I would be laugh at, ridiculed, and challenged (I was).

As soon as the sekshual component came up in conversation (not surprisingly, it almost always came up at the 3rd date...gee I wonder why), I told my date exactly what I was looking for and what I wouldn't do with a man who was not my husband.

I went through a few frogs who didn't turn into a prince...never saw them again (no problem...I wasn't emotionally involved). (My aunt used to say that women were idiots to get emotionally involved with a man whose intentions we weren't absolutely sure about*.)

I made a few lifelong male friends...mutual respect and admiration.

I finally met Handsome (at a time when I was no longer looking for a husband, go figure), and he had also had enough of the conventional wisdom way of dating. We weren't the Duggars lol, we kissed, held hands, hugged, danced...but we didn't sleep together until we married approx 1 1/2 yrs after we met.

Best move I ever ever made...beyond my wildest expectations and dreams. It worked for us in the best way possible. I highly recommend it, or at least I highly recommend reading The Rules and implementing them.

I also recommend defining your terms, and deciding what you want for your life and sticking to it.

And, yes, I know that doing it the way The Rules suggests or the way our ancestors did it doesn't always work; but look me in the eye and tell me that sleeping/living together before marriage works just as well or better and I'll laugh in your face and wish you well.

Disregard this entire post if you're looking for another boyfriend or a hook-up.

Your mileage may vary.

*Sometimes, you just have to end a sentence with a preposition hehehe. Colloquilism.

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@MacDUFF

I agree with everything you wrote... and I am happy for you.

When I met "Handsome" too, I did so with eyes wide open. Almost everybody I had known until age 30 around me (I worked with guys) were either divorced or were on the way to ending up in divorce. I knew I could take care of myself if it ever came to that.

Often I wonder... does wanting the right thing or wishing for the right thing... and not settling... bring that wished-for thing into one's life? I told my students this and I told our DD this. I say it with absolute conviction that I'm right, too...

The best question I ever got when interviewing for a job was "Do you always get what you want?" I surprised myself when I had to answer candidly "yes."

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~