What Would You Do and What Would You Say? - Page 4

muttmom · ‎11-28-2012

Reading the responses makes me wonder how many people actually read threads.

Our daughter hosted her own bridal party. A bridesmaid luncheon is about the bride and HER attendants, not mother, grandmothers, aunts, cousins. The bride does not get gifts rather gives her attendants a special remembrance.

A bridal shower is an entirely different thing. Generally the bridal party hosts the shower. In our case, I paid for everything. Etiquette said it was not the proper for the MOB to host the shower.

There is absolutely no reason why the grandmother should be asked to host and pay for the bridesmaids' luncheon. Just decline the request. You need not give a reason.

There are country clubs that are not private and open to the public for a price.

patticakes · ‎03-10-2010

Thanks for all the responses and good advice. I'm considering all of it and trying to make a decision what best fits for our situation. Must admit, I don't like being put in this situation and it's very uncomfortable for me.

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

If you can't afford to help pay the expenses of such an event, just straightforwardly say so.....but offer to help in other ways. If you can help with arrangements, menu, making table favors, sending out invitations, or in other ways, that will be positive. I don't see any reason for you to be bent out of shape because you haven't been included in other aspects of wedding planning. Grandparents generally aren't. Be supportive and play a constructive role as you are able.

SleeplessinSD · ‎11-01-2010

On 1/28/2015 GoodStuff said:
If you can't afford to help pay the expenses of such an event, just straightforwardly say so.....but offer to help in other ways. If you can help with arrangements, menu, making table favors, sending out invitations, or in other ways, that will be positive. I don't see any reason for you to be bent out of shape because you haven't been included in other aspects of wedding planning. Grandparents generally aren't. Be supportive and play a constructive role as you are able.

This is great advice! (-;

~H~

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

Patti, I hope you come back and report on how this turned out. I am always curious for updates!

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

In my family any reference to money, having a lot or not enough, is poor manners. So, I would never tell someone my financial situation.

pinkwblingplz · ‎12-22-2014

It's kinda sad because even though everyone has jumped to say... it isn't grandmas job to pay for a luncheon!.... nobody has pointed out that wedding planning doesn't typically involve the grandparents to begin with. If they approached you to *help* with the luncheon, is it possible they realized they hadn't given you any role and want to make sure you feel included?

I mean I could be wrong and maybe they ARE money grubbing scumbags but I'm not really understanding why you feel so put out. If they've done this kind of thing before... like if there's some history here of trying to take advantage of you.

When we were planning our wedding years ago, my husbands aunt asked me if she could throw my luncheon. I hadn't even thought of it. She held it in her home, made stuff like tuna salad but dressed it up with grapes & walnuts. And pulled out her china. It wasn't extravagant but the whole thing was so thoughtful, me & my bridesmaids truly enjoyed the whole thing.

I can't say as I blame your granddaughter for wanting fancy though, don't most brides? But no, that doesn't mean everyone has to spend their last dime appeasing her. You just let her know you'll do the best you can. And if she's not really a money grubbing scumbag, that'll mean more to her than a fancy to-do.

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

On 1/29/2015 pinkwblingplz said: It's kinda sad because even though everyone has jumped to say... it isn't grandmas job to pay for a luncheon!.... nobody has pointed out that wedding planning doesn't typically involve the grandparents to begin with. If they approached you to *help* with the luncheon, is it possible they realized they hadn't given you any role and want to make sure you feel included?

I mean I could be wrong and maybe they ARE money grubbing scumbags but I'm not really understanding why you feel so put out. If they've done this kind of thing before... like if there's some history here of trying to take advantage of you.

When we were planning our wedding years ago, my husbands aunt asked me if she could throw my luncheon. I hadn't even thought of it. She held it in her home, made stuff like tuna salad but dressed it up with grapes & walnuts. And pulled out her china. It wasn't extravagant but the whole thing was so thoughtful, me & my bridesmaids truly enjoyed the whole thing.

I can't say as I blame your granddaughter for wanting fancy though, don't most brides? But no, that doesn't mean everyone has to spend their last dime appeasing her. You just let her know you'll do the best you can. And if she's not really a money grubbing scumbag, that'll mean more to her than a fancy to-do.

Actually, I did say that.

pinkwblingplz · ‎12-22-2014

Lol... my bad

In case there were others.... my apologies!

On 1/29/2015 GoodStuff said:
On 1/29/2015 pinkwblingplz said: It's kinda sad because even though everyone has jumped to say... it isn't grandmas job to pay for a luncheon!.... nobody has pointed out that wedding planning doesn't typically involve the grandparents to begin with. If they approached you to *help* with the luncheon, is it possible they realized they hadn't given you any role and want to make sure you feel included? I mean I could be wrong and maybe they ARE money grubbing scumbags but I'm not really understanding why you feel so put out. If they've done this kind of thing before... like if there's some history here of trying to take advantage of you. When we were planning our wedding years ago, my husbands aunt asked me if she could throw my luncheon. I hadn't even thought of it. She held it in her home, made stuff like tuna salad but dressed it up with grapes & walnuts. And pulled out her china. It wasn't extravagant but the whole thing was so thoughtful, me & my bridesmaids truly enjoyed the whole thing. I can't say as I blame your granddaughter for wanting fancy though, don't most brides? But no, that doesn't mean everyone has to spend their last dime appeasing her. You just let her know you'll do the best you can. And if she's not really a money grubbing scumbag, that'll mean more to her than a fancy to-do. 

Actually, I did say that.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

Oh, gosh, I just want to say this smells of grabby, grabby on the part of the planners. First, a grandmother brings a small shower gift to just the first shower she attends, not every one. And no country club on Grandma--give me a break. Tighten up your budget on all those other gifts (just tokens) and IF YOU WISH offer punch and cake at your house. Enough already. You are an elder and wiser than the 2 generations below you.