02-19-2013 02:12 PM
I have read some pretty personal topics here at QVC and always wondered why people put this information here....
But as I sit this rainy morning looking at them - trying to function - I thought I would put this out there and see what comes back...
What does one do when EVERYTHING and more importantly EVERYBODY has been ripped from your life - you have lost your family (children/husband), home, friends don't have any time for you (which means I know they are not friends) and you are so sick (Chronic Fatigue, Fibro, and Adrenal Fatigue) that sitting up is a chore on most days.....
I have been on this journey for the last 6 years when my whole live exploded within a 2 weeks period and everything that was familiar was dead and gone...and it keeps exploding on a monthly/quarterly basis - horrible, life altering events continue to happen and I am worn out - I just have nothing left to even make a decision with. I have been to the support groups (every and anyone you can mention), I have tried anti-depressants/therapy...I actually get up EVERY morning and TRY but and I have nothing in me.
I live everyday with the impending doom of being homeless, not eating, and the loneliness is so horrible that sometimes I just can't breath (and getting a dog/cat is not an option for me - because I could not take care of it). When I run out of water/food I get myself to drive to the store and the clerk is the only person I have contact with for those brief few minutes - then back to my isolated life. I have tried to connect with neighbors so many times.....nothing.
I have no family, friends, I have tried to build new friendships, go to functions to meet people and I come up with nothing...I have read all the appropriate self-help books and done the programs...and nothing.
When I look at my eyes in the mirror I don't see myself/my soul. There is a quote (which I will get wrong) in a move "Under the Tuscan Sun" where Diane Lane goes through a divorce and at dinner with her 2 friends and they tell her that she is at risk for being "one of those people who at some point had two choices in live (fork in the road) and instead of pick the one to move forward, they just checked out - you see these people and think what happened to them that makes them look so empty". That would be me.
I pray, I medidate, I used to trust and believe - but honestly I can't/don't - nothing gives me any pleasure or peace...If I ask myself if money were no option and I could do ANYTHING what would I do - I cannot think of one thing.
Yes I know - depressed - but again I have tried EVERY anti-depressant and due to my Adrenal Fatigue being so far gone they have the opposite impact on me (it is called a paradoxial response - when you take anything - vitamins, food, drugs and the reaction one has is the exact opposite to what it is supposed to be).
Anyway - I just thought maybe some miracle would come of this - as I said I have read some of the posts and the women (and men?) seem to rally and give good advice to people......sp as a last resort - just thought I would put this out there.
I hope each and every one of you has a miracalous day - I hope you have love in your life - I hope you have someone to hug who hugs you back - I hope you have food, clothing and shelter that you know will be there.......because this is what I keeping hoping for myself.
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