Community Chat

[Hooty]

@TaxyLady, you haven't trained your husband well, you need to open your mouth and tell him you need his help, instead of complaining about it on here, lack of communication is a big problem for many marriages!

I do the cooking, my DH cleans up and does the dishes, he is my dishwasher, LOL!

[NoelSeven]

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@sfnative wrote:

My suggestion would be to move forward and purchase your Thanksgiving meal.  If my reading serves me correct, I believe Neiman Marcus and Williams-Sonoma will do it all and ship it to you, not to mention local sources you may have.

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I revel in creating the table of thanks.

Having grown up with many in a specific culture where a woman in the kitchen was considered "base" and beneath them, I feel joy that I am carrying on a tradition of my ancestors, one of whom signed the Declaration of Independence.  To not participate in this day of thanks by being a part of creating, with my hands, that which we will share at the table, would be a great personal loss.

Women should no longer function alone in the kitchen, if one cannot afford to purchase out.  It's all about training the men in the family: sage advice from my mother-in-law.

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[LTT1]

I had to post this as the "image" of the "correct" housewife in the 1950's...

[Mama Mia]

Only if you let it.  Gobble Gobble

mm

[LTT1]

My day is working out so much better than in years past... this is my First Retirement Thanksgiving!

DH is doing the "doing" part (mostly) and I am doing the "thinking" part!  YAY!

[stevieb]

Everyone has or can evolve their own traditions... If anyone's involves feeling somewhat abused then hopefully they're in a position to change it... 

In days gone by, all the adult women in my extended family pitched in, and so no single one was extremely put-upon. It was the norm and the expectation. As our family became smaller, some of the kids, including the male kids, pitched in. As it became smaller still, and various components of the family started going their seperate ways, going out was the thing to do and believe me, going out to dinner on Thanksgiving is a great way to go. Now that Thanksgiving is but a handful of us, we alternate going out and eating at my mothers. She still does most of the cooking, but our meals have become more simple and we all help with cleanup.

If anyone's tradition isn't working for them, change it !!

[jaxs mom]

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@NoelSeven wrote:

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@TaxyLady wrote:

I think Thanksgiving is unfair to many married women.   It takes several hours to prepare everything while the men are relaxing and talking.  Then you finally get the bird in the oven and you must clean up.  Then you spend most of your time cooking and preparing the rest of the meal while the men are watching football.  Then you have to make sure everything comes out at the same time.  Then the men are interrupted from relaxing, talking and cheering their football team to be called to the table to eat.  Then after they eat you spend an hour or so cleaning up everything. 

I like football.  I wish I could relax, talk and cheer my favorite team.  Let the men cook the meal.  But, then again, if my husband cooked it you would not want to eat it. 

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Thankfully, most modern marriages do not work that way. 

Step away from the 50s, there are alternatives.

Pssst... men cook nowadays, and friends and relatives bring side dishes and dessert.

EVERYONE should be on the clean-up crew.

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I don't think she was serious about her OP, from reading her other posts in this thread. It seems like it was tongue in cheek, even though it didn't obviously read that way. 

[LTT1]

My Thanksgiving when I was younger:

1) Mom slaved over the turkey, mashed potatoes, oyster stuffing, gravy

2) Mom bragged about "her" cooking and then threatened anybody who disagreed with her by saying "you won't get any of my luscious turkey

3)  The table was set with fine china 

4)  The wine (a special type) was chilled

5)  The house was perfect (ha)

6)  The food WAS luscious

7)  I kept forgetting which fork to use

8)  The canned peas were smushy, as usual

9)  The family ate in the dining room -- quietly but companionably

10) Mom had her "face" on!

[Sooner]

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@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

@Sooner  My husband and I were married 38 years when he died and if her was alive we'd still be married (49 years).  All of our friends (who are our ages are still married).

Most of my high school friends are either widows or are still married (Face Book).

I have two friends who are married to each other.  They got married when we were sophomores in high school!  They are still very happily married!  She wasn't pregnant (like some thought).  

Everyone is different, I guess (look at my family).  My mother was still in love with her second husband (married him 2 times) but her feelings were hurt when he messed around.  She said that was a big mistake in her life.  Who knows?

When you are really in love you don't want anyone else.  The feeling you get from being with that person is amazing, wonderful.  I remember just hearing my husband's voice (once at Christmas I was shopping and I heard a woman say, "Can I help you sir"?  Then I heard his bellowing voice say, "No thank you.  I'm looking for my wife to surprise her".  The feeling still makes my heart burst.  I can still remember the sound of his voice.

Ladies, don't you wish everyone could feel what we have and have had?  

I was never going to get married.  Then I saw him on the other side of the room and said, "I'm marrying him".  My sister said, "You don't even know his name".  The next week (dances at Ft Myer during Vietnam War) I asked him his name.  In the Army they went by their last name and he told me his last name.  From that day on he was known by his last name.  Even his Mother sometimes called him that! 

I guess that makes me sound dumb....huh?  Ha!

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I absolutely hear what you are saying.  A marriage to me is a business as well as as a relationship.  As there is the business side, everyone pulls their weight--that is understood and nobody complains.

I came from a farm family.  Daddy worked the fields, mother cooked and raised me.  When I was in jr. high school, she got a job and I cooked a lot, and Daddy cooked sometimes too.  I washed clothes sometimes, did farm chores a lot, mowed the lawn, and we all worked and over the years work assignments changed.  When I left home and mother retired, they ate out a lot and got a housekeeper.  LOL!!!

In the 50's men worked; women worked in the home.  Times have changed a lot, and so have relationships.  Would I have married a man 42 years ago who didn't see me as an equal and it was understood we'd both work and both do the other things we had to do to live and eat and be clean?  Nope.  I would not have.  I am one of the happiest and most blessed women of all.  I thank God every day for my spouse. 

[chrystaltree]

Gosh, OP made me laugh out loud.  Someone should tell the lady that it's 2015 and not 1915....lol.  I think my favorite part is the weird notion that only married women cook.....lol.  No point in offering any advice.  She thinks of herself as a second class citizen whose worth lies in cooking, cleaning and catering to her men folk......So, her family treats her that way.