On 1/22/2014 BlueCollarBabe said: On 1/22/2014 Jussa said: On 1/22/2014 BlueCollarBabe said: Jussa, what's done is done and I am not unsympathetic to your plight. But as a cautionary tale to other readers, you should not have given both HCP and POA to your husband's son. You relate that you and he are able to communicate and you could have done that without giving up your rights to say what should happen to your DH. A good compromise would have been to give stepson POA so he would feel better about how his father's money was being used but you would have final say over where and how DH was cared for. One does not rule out the other and it would have made you both have to work together.
Also, because of your post, I've been reading about adult children having both POA and HCP and there is a big problem with increasing incidences of fraud or the appearance of fraud. So much so that many banks refuse to honor the POA for withdrawals of money thus requiring the adult child to go to court to get a ruling from a judge.
BlueCollarBabe, I continue to divulge details that I would rather not. I already said that I did not "give" HCP and POA to my stepson. His father signed the documents giving him those powers. Period.
I did not "give up my rights" to say what should happen to DH. I explained that I included his children all along the way for their input. (They were too busy with their own lives to be bothered.) I would have expected the same from them -- to be included. I was wrong. I have been excluded. It did not turn out the way I expected.
Thank you for your concern, but if you do not understand this explanation, I cannot help you further.
ETA: The only cautionary tale here to readers is to be very wary of individuals who are known to be self-centered, selfish and greedy and not to be too trusting. I put my faith in such individuals and gave them the benefit of the doubt that they would do right by both their father and me. I thought we would be working together as a family and they have chosen to exclude me for whatever reason.
Jussa, I see now that you posted in an earlier post that you are still his POA and HCP in addition to your stepson. I am not familiar with that sort of arrangement. In my state you can name one HCP and others as well but they would serve as alternates, each in order of your stated preference, if the primary is not available.
As his spouse, you have a legal right to visit your husband. It is called "the right of consortium" in legal terms. If your stepson does not allow this within a reasonable time, you can go to the police and file a criminal complaint. Maybe that will make him a bit more cooperative.
I realize it can be difficult to read an entire thread that has well over 100 posts, but as I stated in more than one previous post, although I am well aware that I have rights as his wife, it would still necessitate either going to court or as you suggested, perhaps contacting the police. I have already stated that this would be a very last resort because it would create an irreparable rift with his children and, moving forward, this would create a whole new bad situation with them.
For now, I am trying to be very patient and respect his son and give him the time he needs to have things settle down into a calmer routine. It is plausible that he does not want to lose the help he has hired because they fear DH's hostile and volatile behavior. His son needs DH to be calm. Though other posters may be outraged and run to court immediately, I do not think that is in anyone's best interest at this time.
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