Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@Goldengate8361 wrote:

I don't think it matters very much about the "stuff." It's just not a big deal. It is a big deal, however, that a young woman dropped out of college. Make no mistake about it: a college degree is a beginning point (requirement) for so very many opportunities that she will not have otherwise. I have NO patience with parents that say "college just isn't for everyone." Her parents should absolutely MAKE her stay in college. Period. Yes, that is something that parents should always do - when financially there is some possible way for a young person to go to college....as was, apparently, in this case.


**********************************

 

@Goldengate8361

 

I have to disagree.  College isn't for everyone, for a variety of reasons.

 

I had a friend whose parents MADE her go to college and stay there.  She kept telling them she couldn't do it.  The kept telling her to stay.

 

Then they got a call from the university and were told to come get her.  She had had a psychotic breakdown.

 

Her struggle with psychosis went on for years and although she was very intelligent, she could never handle college again even though she tried several times.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,713
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@terrier3 wrote:

Petepetey - Why are you so involved in the drama of your daughter's roommate?

 

If my mother showed up at my dorm and did what you did - I would have been embarrassed.

 

If kids are old enough to room away at school, they need to solve their own problems - your daughter included.


Really?  Freshman are 17-18 year old children.  This is their first time living alone.  They carry probationary drivers licenses, arent too young to buy alcohol, alcohol and can legally remain dependents of their parents for tax and health insurance purposes.  Some aren't old enough to vote.  They are kids.  They still need parental support and guidance.  

 

I personally think that a little more involvement from parents for adolecsents that are entering adulthood is a really good thing for our country.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

[ Edited ]

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@If it were me @Brinklii, I would have informed the college that the student's belongings have to be removed. If they were to do nothing, then the new student coming into the room would have to inform the college again and make arrangements to have the girl's belongings removed  I have no legal authority to touch someone else's belongings.


If it was my child in that situation, I would have told her to go to the R.A. and get an answer on what to do with the stuff.

That's what R.A.s are for...mothers need to butt out.


@I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this @terrier3. It's nice if a child entering college has the wherewithal to handle such a situation, but children have different maturity levels and certainly going away to college for the first time, 3 weeks in, may be slightly overwhelming. It's a transitional time into adulthood and greater independence so the child, while independent in many ways, still needs the parents' guidance.

 

I was very young (too young) when I went off to college and I'm sure would have appreciated my parents' guidance in a situation like this.  But anyhow..... even an R.A. telling the OP's daughter what to do with the stuff is not adequate. The daughter should not be touching her roommate's belongings or be responsible for removing them.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@Brinklii wrote:

I agree with those who said she should have gone home and attended community college. I used to teach in a community college. It is such a joke to think that students will get a better education in a big-name college or university. The really outstanding professors don't teach the freshman and sophomores. They send in their teaching assistants or lower level instructors or assistant professors to teach those classes. The top professors want to teach upperclassman and graduate students.

 

I attended a community college for my first two years of college. When I transferred to the bigger university, my science background was far superior to others in my class who had attended the big university for the first two years. It is much easier to access your instructors in a small school with small classes than it is in a big university. Save your $$$ the first two years! You still end up graduating from a big-name university in the end.


Sorry but I don't think you can generalize about community colleges and universities.  I had someoutstanding people at university that you would not have had at a small college.  I think that choice is very dependent on the student themselves.

 

I was ready to go to a four college and it would have been a disaster for me to go to a 2 year then transfer.  In my mind the advantages were:

 

I was a mature kid, excited to try my wings and compete against students with a better educational background than mine.  I lived in the sticks, so kids I graduated weren't even expected to go to college, or to go to a smaller one or trade school.

 

I was able to get familiar with the departments in the early years, and continue to go to classes with the same kids and professors--getting to know them and follow a program better.

 

I made myself at home with the other freshman in the beginning year, so it was smooth sailing for the most part thereafter.  We were all adapting to the school together, all new and it made it easier.

 

I would think transferring in your junior year would be very difficult--coming into a new environment, new professors and new ways of doing things the year before you graduate.

 

That was my thinking and it worked out for me.  I'm sure others have different concerns and challenges, so to each his own.  I am in no way putting down small and community colleges.  Just saying for me the choice was to dive in and swim!  LOL!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,319
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

That's why I'm not a fan of skipping kids in elementary/middle/high school.  Unless they are brilliant geniuses.  I've seen one or two attend universities at sixteen, and subsequently couldn't 'make it', socially or academically.  It's 'way too young' for some students, imo.  p.s.  I know, as conscientious as I was, I wouldn't have done very well at the age of sixteen/seventeen, looking back.  Especially now-a-days.  Too many 'distractions'.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,656
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@deepwaterdotter wrote:

Better now (out $10,200) than four years later (out $50,000+).  College isn't for everyone. 


I agree.  Too bad about te $10k.  I am all for higher education but I have learned over the years that college is not for everyone.  If you don't want to be there, it's a waste of time and money.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,954
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@Mrsq2022 wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

Petepetey - Why are you so involved in the drama of your daughter's roommate?

 

If my mother showed up at my dorm and did what you did - I would have been embarrassed.

 

If kids are old enough to room away at school, they need to solve their own problems - your daughter included.


Really?  Freshman are 17-18 year old children.  This is their first time living alone.  They carry probationary drivers licenses, arent too young to buy alcohol, alcohol and can legally remain dependents of their parents for tax and health insurance purposes.  Some aren't old enough to vote.  They are kids.  They still need parental support and guidance.  

 

I personally think that a little more involvement from parents for adolecsents that are entering adulthood is a really good thing for our country.


I think coddling a young adult - and solving their problems for them - is bad for the daughter.

College is the time when you learn to act like an adult and make good decisions.

Leaving things up to mom (who had to drive 3 hours roundtrip to clean out the stuff) isn't teaching the daughter anything.

The Greatest Generation, the people who fought on two fronts in WWII, were actually mostly a bunch of kids, some even lied about their age to join the fight early. 

They turned out just fine, IMO.

Helicopter parenting may make the mom feel good, but its destructive for children, IMO.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,954
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@SaRina wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@If it were me @Brinklii, I would have informed the college that the student's belongings have to be removed. If they were to do nothing, then the new student coming into the room would have to inform the college again and make arrangements to have the girl's belongings removed  I have no legal authority to touch someone else's belongings.


If it was my child in that situation, I would have told her to go to the R.A. and get an answer on what to do with the stuff.

That's what R.A.s are for...mothers need to butt out.


@I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this @terrier3. It's nice if a child entering college has the wherewithal to handle such a situation, but children have different maturity levels and certainly going away to college for the first time, 3 weeks in, may be slightly overwhelming. It's a transitional time into adulthood and greater independence so the child, while independent in many ways, still needs the parents' guidance.

 

I was very young (too young) when I went off to college and I'm sure would have appreciated my parents' guidance in a situation like this.  But anyhow..... even an R.A. telling the OP's daughter what to do with the stuff is not adequate. The daughter should not be touching her roommate's belongings or be responsible for removing them.


If a college freshman can't handle $200 of assorted stuff left behind by a roommate, maybe she's not ready to go away to college.

This is a trivial problem - not the end of the world.

Driving 3 hours roundtrip, "solving" the daughter's problem - didn't help the daughter mature at all.

Box it up, put it in a corner, and be done with it.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,408
Registered: ‎01-27-2014

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

@Noel7 - the case you described sounds like an extreme, very uncommon, very sad case. I stand by my statement for 99.999999% of people. Sounds like we just respectfully disagree--which is fine, of course.😉

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@Goldengate8361 wrote:

@Noel7 - the case you described sounds like an extreme, very uncommon, very sad case. I stand by my statement for 99.999999% of people. Sounds like we just respectfully disagree--which is fine, of course.😉


*****************************

 

Hi @Goldengate8361

 

There are numerous exceptions.  When my daughter was in undergrad and grad school, she would tell me stories of quite a few young women she knew who couldn't make it, usually because of depression or other mental disorders.  Forcing them to stay there only made it worse.

 

And then there are always the few who just aren't mature enough to be on their own, for whatever reason.

 

And the obvious... not everyone wants to go to college or needs to.

 

I value higher education a lot, but you can't force people unless it's something they want and can handle.