Mothers who have lost children...how do you cope o... - Page 5

HisElk · ‎09-30-2012

sarahpanda, just got in from the day and wanted to 'check in' here to say I hope you were able to get through this tough day.

I see you had some more posts on your thread. Remember what I said, don't bother with the ones that who have no compassion. We all grieve differently and in our own timeframes. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve.

I echo what the poster colliegirls wrote. Very wise words IMO.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

I lost my second child in 2006 two weeks before her 50th birthday. It was unexpected and a terrible shock to say the least. It isn't just Mother's Day that brings back the pain. My son lives in New York so seeing him is few and far between. My youngest daughter and I live together with my darling granddaughter Lindsay so that helps tremendously. Losing a child is very painful but we have to continue our lives with the dear ones we have, there is no other choice.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

I have several friends who have lost their Mother's around MD. Just last yr. on MD wkend & this yr also MD wkend I had friends who lost their Mother's. My heart goes out to anyone who loses a Mother at this time. Also included is a Mother who has lost a child. I can relate to both losses, only from friends.

Luckily still have my mom & just this yr have FOUND my daughter who I gave up for adoption 42 yrs ago. This was a special MD for me, but my thoughts were with many friends who have lost Mothers & children.

sarahpanda · ‎03-11-2010

to HisElk: Your words are very much appreciated....keeps things in perspective...and me calm.

to TX-starlight: I am so very happy that you were able to reunite with your daughter ! That is the happiest news of this whole thread. God Bless the both of you.

and thanks to all who have contributed to this thread ...well, mostly all...(right HisElk?)

violann · ‎03-10-2010

Within the last 2 months I have learned something about loss, and the way different people respond to it. I had 5 "mothers". My own mother was the oldest girl of 5 sisters and 3 brothers. The oldest child had died at the age of 7. My grandmother was so distressed by his loss that she moved her family several miles away and did not live again in the family house until her last two children were born. My mother had severe anxiety based problems, so at one time or another one or more of my aunts would take over for her. My oldest living aunt died 3 months ago, and it was not until after her death that I realized that she had also become a dear friend. I have 2 adult sons, both of whom have added wonderful DILS to my family. They were born after and between 5 lost pregnancies. Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day. We went to Church Saturday, and a brief blessing was given, and that was enough. I am thinking today of all of you who, for whatever reason, must associate any days when we are expected to celebrate, with grief and loss. I think we must all seek and find our own peace, and I think the process has to take as little or as much time as we as individuals need. It is of some consolation to me to know that the love we have for those who have left us would not want us to suffer severely from their loss. There is a poem used in some sources for adults grieving the loss of children called "A Place Where Children Are". Sometimes I read it when I need to cry, and it helps me arrive at a perceptual shift about my own losses. Hope you ALL have a Blessed Monday.

HiLo · ‎03-10-2010

On 5/11/2014 happy housewife said:
On 5/11/2014 sarahpanda said:
and also to Happy Housewife: Unless you've walked in my shoes, I don't see how you can judge how I (should) handle things. And from your previous post, it sounds like you've not come close to walking in my shoes. Happy "MOTHER'S DAY" to you !!

You put this out here so everyone would give you a thousand OH POOR YOU replys - pardon me for attempting to give you answer that would be useful or helpful to getting past this grief and getting on with your life. I did not realize the point of the post was self indulgence and attention.

How rude and self righteous!. I can't even imagine losing imagine losing a child; especially one you have bonded with even for a few years. I have lost my husband and many family members but from people I know and having some sensitivity myself, I can put myself in Sarah's place very easily. I hope you, dear Sarah and others were given the grace to get through this very difficult day with some peace; my heart is with you and also with these other Mothers. In the order of life, the Mother certainly expects to go before her child; even if your child dies at 70 there would be grief.

HiLo · ‎03-10-2010

On 5/11/2014 colliegirls said:
Sarahpanda, ignore people who do not understand this unnatural pain of losing a child who walked the earth with us. Your reaction is not unusual, sometimes when we least expect it we can be overcome with emotion no matter how hard we try. That never stops but we get more control over it as many years go on. Try to surround yourself with compassionate, loving, and fun friends. They will help you through it. Take care of yourself, you are the keeper of your daughter's memory.

Very nice post, Colliegirls.

The memory may get dimmer but no matter how long, emotion will always raise up when you think of your child; that's the way we are made.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

On 5/11/2014 happy housewife said:
On 5/11/2014 sarahpanda said:
and also to Happy Housewife: Unless you've walked in my shoes, I don't see how you can judge how I (should) handle things. And from your previous post, it sounds like you've not come close to walking in my shoes. Happy "MOTHER'S DAY" to you !!

You put this out here so everyone would give you a thousand OH POOR YOU replys - pardon me for attempting to give you answer that would be useful or helpful to getting past this grief and getting on with your life. I did not realize the point of the post was self indulgence and attention.

This is just beyond the pale - even for you.