Re: More "Wedding-quette"

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

The cousin did nothing wrong. By choosing not to invite those living out of the area, no one should have taken it personally. Those who have are in the wrong. They are responsible for involving the invited and guilting them into declining to attend. They are behaving childishly and are promoting a division within the family.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@occasionalrain wrote:
The OP keeps posting that the family is close knit, but if that were true either the cousin would have wanted to invite all or the OP would know why she didn't. The cousin would know that those uninvited would be unhappy and make a big fuss over it.

Not attending because certain others were not invited seems petty. The party is about the bride to be, not about the family. Not going is a slight to her.

Regarding your first paragraph....that's what is so baffling about this whole thing. We don't understand my cousin's actions.

I'd like to think I'm not a petty person. I guess it can be perceived that way, but this is what we do to support each other. My sibling is much more important to me than my cousin or her daughter....as is my mom's sisters to my mom. It would not feel right to us to be attending when our closest loved ones have been excluded (i.e., slighted). It's okay if you don't understand that. Not everyone will feel the same way.

@occasionalrain, regarding your next post......no one has "guilted" anyone into not attending. We all have minds of our own. This is just something we do. There won't be a family war as a result. We'll still be speaking to each other, lol. We will just know how to proceed in the future as a result.

Slainte · ‎03-16-2010

We recently had a slightly different situation with a bridal shower. Future DIL's family was having a bridal shower for future DIL in a city 800 miles away from us. They asked us if they should send out bridal shower invitations to women in our family, all of them 800 miles away and invited to the wedding. Since it was my DH's family, he made the call as to what to do. He said not to invite them to the bridal shower since none of them would be able to attend.

All these types of social situations are just minefields, IMHO, someone always gets their feelings hurt.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

Yup, the cousin has decided. Now the invitees have decided. So let it be and move forward is my suggestion.

tedEbear · ‎03-22-2015

When it was time for my DS's wedding, DIL made the decision not to have anyone 10 and under invited. Okay, that is what she wanted. Anyway, she wasn't going to send invites to his relatives that had small children, so she could send invites to different people. I told her to send them anyway, because in our family and friends circle, These invitations are part of family history. We know ahead of time those who pretty much won't show. This has been even true of graduations and anything that is a major happening in our life.

DIL had an A list and a B list, she WAS in for the gift grab.--------tedEbear

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

If those out of towners who were not invited hadn't taken offense and made it known, made it all about them and there feelings, no one would have to boycott the affair in support. I would never want my sister to decline an invitation just because I wasn't invited too.

Why anyone would require support over a party invitation is a mystery to me.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@KarenQVC wrote:
Yup, the cousin has decided. Now the invitees have decided. So let it be and move forward is my suggestion.

I can't wait to hear about the repercussions, I hope the OP returns with updates. I wonder if the cousin having the party expected any of this, I wonder if she's aware now of the result. If she does know now, will she invite the previously uninvited? Will they attend or continue to pout?

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@occasionalrain wrote:
If those out of towners who were not invited hadn't taken offense and made it known, made it all about them and there feelings, no one would have to boycott the affair in support. I would never want my sister to decline an invitation just because I wasn't invited too.

Why anyone would require support over a party invitation is a mystery to me.

Require support? I don't think anyone is requiring support. The OP made her decision of her own free will out of love and respect toward her sibling, which is a stronger bond than the one with the party host or guest of honor. My take is that if it's something that would hurt my sibling's feelings, their feelings are more important than me attending the very event they were excluded from.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I probably wouldn't invite people who were out of state. I wouldn't want them to feel obligated to send a gift, knowing that they wouldn't be able to attend. Also, the cousin might be closer to one sibling, and not to the one who hasn't wished to attend previous various events.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@occasionalrain wrote:
If those out of towners who were not invited hadn't taken offense and made it known, made it all about them and there feelings, no one would have to boycott the affair in support. I would never want my sister to decline an invitation just because I wasn't invited too.

Why anyone would require support over a party invitation is a mystery to me.
Require support? I don't think anyone is requiring support. The OP made her decision of her own free will out of love and respect toward her sibling, which is a stronger bond than the one with the party host or guest of honor. My take is that if it's something that would hurt my sibling's feelings, their feelings are more important than me attending the very event they were excluded from.

I read it that they needed support as well - I think the OP would agree. The OP said that those who weren't invited were "taken aback", had hurt feelings, "grumbling", some are "absolutely livid", "feeling hurt and slighted".

I dislike it so much when families create their own problems like these. We choose whether or not to be offended by the actions of others. We choose whether or not to forgive. That darn ego can really wreak havoc on relationships...