Re: More "Wedding-quette"

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@KathyPet wrote:
First of all this has nothing to do with wedding etiquette. This is not the wedding. It is a party the mother of the groom is throwing for the couple. There is no etiquette rule that says who she does or does not invite. Her party, her choice. I would stay out of it.

Ah, I just thought the title was cute and would give everyone a general idea of the topic. :-)

It's the mother of the bride who is having the party at her house. Granted, there is no "etiquette rule" here and of course my cousin is free to invite who she wishes......but the family, including those who were invited, are just completely taken aback, under the circumstances of our family's closeness. I've already said I'm not going because my sibling wasn't invited (for no apparent reason). My mom is also not going because her two sisters were not invited.

So, I guess we are staying out of it. :-)

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

It sounds entirely reasonable to me. I would stay out of it. Just think ~~ if they had invited all of the people from out of state, others would say "gift grab".

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

Maybe the hostess feels the party is not that big of a deal, and she doesn't feel people need to travel 2-3 hours to attend. Not inviting out-of-staters seems reasonable.

september · ‎03-09-2010

It sounds like this is what I would call an engagement party, and usually these are just for local family and friends.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

The OP keeps posting that the family is close knit, but if that were true either the cousin would have wanted to invite all or the OP would know why she didn't. The cousin would know that those uninvited would be unhappy and make a big fuss over it.

Not attending because certain others were not invited seems petty. The party is about the bride to be, not about the family. Not going is a slight to her.

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

I'm an includer. I would invite everyone.

Let me tell you my experience: When DH and I married, I did not know his family. One of his sisters invited me up to meet everyone, but he wasn't there (he was overseas). I sat at the table with his mom and his youngest sister to work on the guest list. I told his mom she was free to invite whomever she wanted. His mom "assumed" no one would come because it was too far (9 hours away). His sister even said "what about. . .?" But she said no to all of the relatives and friends.

My own parents were surprised, but what could we do? I sent an invitation to his grandparents anyway. His mom said it would be too hard for them to make the trip, but I just couldn't not invite them. Two of his aunts were feuding at the time, so his mom didn't want to invite them or their families. So on the day we were married, only his immediate family came. We did have friends from where we both lived, and they all sat on his side!

Imagine how I felt when we went up to visit his family on our honeymoon (we were heading overseas) and a lot of the neighbors stopped by with gifts for us. About 5 years after we were married DH's mom died. A few months later, we were driving to his cousin's wedding (another long trip for us) and we stopped to stay overnight at his dad's and take him with us. On the trip, his dad mentioned that no one had come to our wedding. I told him what happened, and he was surprised. He thought my parents didn't want a lot of people. My parents left it open to whomever DH's family wanted to invite. I was their only daughter, and although my wedding was small, they went all out and we were allowed to invite whomever we wanted to.

So I'm pretty sensitive about things like this. Ever since, I've tried not to leave anyone out, and when we used to go to DH's family's, I tried to visit all of the relatives that wanted us to stop by (even if they were an hour apart and we had just spent the whole day before in the car). We don't have many people to visit now since his parents, grandparents, and relatives of that generation are mostly gone.

I strongly believe NO ONE should decide who will come to any event. Invite them, then let THEM decide whether or not to attend! Living "out of state" doesn't cut it with me!

I think your cousin is being selective and making excuses!

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

An engagement party has both sides of the family, no? The groom-to-be also has a list of close relatives that will attend. I think your cousin decided WITH her daughter, the bride to be, who should be invited and everyone should respect that. Perhaps the bride-to-be isn't particularly fond of or close with your close sibling. Just because you are close to you sibling doesn't mean that she is. And it is her party, not yours.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

Cousin, of course, can do as she pleases. Me, I'd invite everyone and state "no gifts" to head off the gift grab charge beore it even starts.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@occasionalrain wrote:
The OP keeps posting that the family is close knit, but if that were true either the cousin would have wanted to invite all or the OP would know why she didn't. The cousin would know that those uninvited would be unhappy and make a big fuss over it.

Not attending because certain others were not invited seems petty. The party is about the bride to be, not about the family. Not going is a slight to her.

The OP has decided not to attend, in support of her own sibbling who wasn't invited. On a night out with friends, that would be one thing, but it's different when it's a family type event. I'd call her a good sister.

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
The OP keeps posting that the family is close knit, but if that were true either the cousin would have wanted to invite all or the OP would know why she didn't. The cousin would know that those uninvited would be unhappy and make a big fuss over it.

Not attending because certain others were not invited seems petty. The party is about the bride to be, not about the family. Not going is a slight to her.

I couldn't agree more. The mother isn't going either because her sisters weren't invited. Tight-knit family no more!