Just curious ... Re: elderly parents - Page 6

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@PurpleBunny wrote:
@gacat123 I agree. At that age, every little rememberance means something. Even though my dad lives five minutes from me and I see him constantly, I send him cards, email and call. Those are things that would make me feel good, too.

@PurpleBunny You are awfully sweet.

PurpleBunny · ‎03-09-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
@PurpleBunny wrote:
@gacat123 I agree. At that age, every little rememberance means something. Even though my dad lives five minutes from me and I see him constantly, I send him cards, email and call. Those are things that would make me feel good, too.

@PurpleBunny You are awfully sweet.

Awh Yorkie, no YOU are sweet. That made my day. ❤

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jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Silver Lining wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:
Yes I would call but since my 90 year old mother lives in south Florida and refuses to move up near me in Pa I can't run down to see her each time something minor happens.

She lives alone but has aides come in each day to help out.

@haddon9, no offense or anthing but I could understand why a 90 year old woman would want to stay in her own home or apartment in Florida where the winter climate is more comfortable for her.

She then has to do with hired help and not family. These situations always have dynamics like how family gets along, who is spoken to and not, who is in charge of the elderly person's care and who is not, and such and so forth.

When many of you are talking about what YOU would, remember that it is not a perfect world for many people. There is another thread going about how hard it is to deal with elderly people sometimes, many issues are discussed there.

Families don't always get along, don't always agree on what should be done, don't always share responsibilities--and that can be from people who don't participate in the care plan, or people who take over the elderly person and their care despite what other siblings think should be done. Then there are people who are alone trying to deal with an elderly person--who may or may not live close to them by choice.

We never know what is really going on in these situations, so just remember that and know that it is one of the most difficult family dynamics facing people in our country now. You can't always act on what "should" happen.

******************** In all fairness to the posters here, op did ask what we would do? We just answered that question like it was asked...our answers were according to what we would do if it were our parents. That doesn't mean we were speaking for anyone else who might have an entirely different situation than ours. I hope you recognize the fact that we were not asked what she "should do" and most of us just answered the question as it was stated.

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

I don't think you are being too sensitive. I'll just say that I understand that dynamic in my life. Because that's all it is, my life not yours so I'm not here to judge yours. But my siblings and I are just very different people. They are both very selfish and self centered, it's just truth and reality. One couldn't help me get my mother home from the hospital once because he had his son's little league to go to. His son lives with his mother in her parents' home. So there were plenty of other options. Not that far at all to drive either. But he's plenty good at taking from my mother. Plenty of worse situations that I wouldn't post here.

It's just my experience that family members live up to, or down to, expectations. Just my situation that the expectations of me have always been sky high. Of my brothers, well ground low. Or below ground.

"This isn't a Wednesday night, this is New Year's Eve"

PurpleBunny · ‎03-09-2010

@Greeneyedlady21 Wow. Trust me. I can relate. 😕

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Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@PurpleBunny wrote:

@Sooner wrote:
@PurpleBunny wrote:
If your elderly parent (living alone) had minor surgery, would you call them afterwards to see how they were doing or just to let them know that you were thinking of them?

Just wondering.
I assume somebody you know didn't do this and you are collecting evidence that most people would. Is that a correct assumption? Otherwise I don't see the point of this question.

"Collecting evidence?"

No.

I was informed that I am "too sensitive" for being disappointed that nobody called. I was curious to know if I was truly out-of-line to assume that my siblings would call.

I battlled an extremely aggressive cancer for about 1.5 years -my siblings rarely called. One day I felt like death warmed over and It took a "come to Jesus meeting with my sister" to blast her and the family. My sister's response was that I have always been a very private person (very true) and that no one wanted to "intrude". I asked if maybe they didn't think that cancer was a little different situation - from that day forward (5 years ago), I have gotten a call about twice a week from her and on occasions my brothers. I learned the hard way that everyone (even me) needs help every once in awhile and you have to ask for it when needed.

However, whenever my father or siblings has had any procedures, I offered a ride if needed and was always in the waiting room and visited.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Silver Lining wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:
Yes I would call but since my 90 year old mother lives in south Florida and refuses to move up near me in Pa I can't run down to see her each time something minor happens.

She lives alone but has aides come in each day to help out.

@haddon9, no offense or anthing but I could understand why a 90 year old woman would want to stay in her own home or apartment in Florida where the winter climate is more comfortable for her.

She then has to do with hired help and not family. These situations always have dynamics like how family gets along, who is spoken to and not, who is in charge of the elderly person's care and who is not, and such and so forth.

When many of you are talking about what YOU would, remember that it is not a perfect world for many people. There is another thread going about how hard it is to deal with elderly people sometimes, many issues are discussed there.

Families don't always get along, don't always agree on what should be done, don't always share responsibilities--and that can be from people who don't participate in the care plan, or people who take over the elderly person and their care despite what other siblings think should be done. Then there are people who are alone trying to deal with an elderly person--who may or may not live close to them by choice.

We never know what is really going on in these situations, so just remember that and know that it is one of the most difficult family dynamics facing people in our country now. You can't always act on what "should" happen.

@Sooner, I've been out of town and just now reading this. You write very well about senior care. I am painfully aware of the challenges of taking care of an elderly parent. If you will, please read my post again and you will see that I merely made the statement that I could see how a ninety year old woman would want to remain in her own house or apartment and in a more comfortable climate. It is common sense plus I have personally experienced many if not all of the complexities you described. I have siblings with spouses and adult children but I was the designated caregiver in every way for our elderly mother.

I did not say @haddon9 "should" do or "could" do or what I "would" do, so I do not appreciate the lecture.

Catiele · ‎08-20-2012

I took care of my mother and father for many years. My Dad was 95 my Mother 99 when they died. They lived good long healthy lives but of course there are many issues towards the end of life. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I would it again no question

about it. During this I was raising three sons. I have one brother. And he helped as much as he could. My husband helped also. My father would say C take care of yourself we need you!

Lila Belle · ‎01-24-2013

@PurpleBunny wrote:
If your elderly parent (living alone) had minor surgery, would you call them afterwards to see how they were doing or just to let them know that you were thinking of them?

Just wondering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why wouldn't you? I mean you're not interesred?

PurpleBunny · ‎03-09-2010

@Lila Belle wrote:
@PurpleBunny wrote:
If your elderly parent (living alone) had minor surgery, would you call them afterwards to see how they were doing or just to let them know that you were thinking of them?

Just wondering.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why wouldn't you? I mean you're not interesred?

I would. I was wondering if I was unusual.

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