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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents

If I had a positive and involved relationship with the person; yes. Otherwise...no.

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@libbyannE wrote:

What's behind the question? Do I sense hurt feelings? Need more info.


I explained. My siblings didn't even bother to check on my father after surgery with a phone call.  Six days later - still - nothing. It's beyond my comprehension.  Apparently I am "the bad guy" for voicing my disappointment. I apparently expect too much. 

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@queendiva wrote:

@PurpleBunny: Truly sorry if this was your experience. Do we share the same relatives? I could tell stories, but I will not hijack your post.

I have found that I must tell my family members before such an event what my hopes are from them. I will tell them before the procedure what day it is planned, and if I will need transportation and that I would appreciate a call from each of them to check on me after because such a call would make me feel good. After that, it's on them to come through for you.

It's hard and often unrealistic to have expectations of others, even loved ones, but it's good to communicate our feelings ahead of time to try to avoid disappointment next time.


Queen, my dad was the patient, and he always has me and my husband there. No matter what. I cared for my dying mother too.  All I expected from them was a call, (I know not to expect more).  I was crushed nobody called him. 

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@sunshine45 wrote:

@PurpleBunny

perhaps you could call them when you are with your dad? that way he gets to talk to them and will hopefully be less anxious or upset.


That's generally what I do. It's just that sometimes I have to attend to my own "stuff" and I always hope that someone will come through when I am distracted. 

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@Katcat1 wrote:

I don't know how you could ask that question.  How did the elderly parent get to the surgery location?  It sounds like you are not close to your parent because you would not ask the question.  Of course, you would be concerned and probably go visit to see if they need anything if they are close by (in the same state).  Cat Indifferent


I am extremely close to the parent. I take complete care of him. 

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@DianeJ2 wrote:

@PurpleBunnny Yes, you would fit right in with us 🙂 if we knew your dad, we would have called to wish him well! Your siblings will one day wish they had the chance again, trust me.  We luckily got to with our dad, even in the challenging times with him....hugs to your dad!


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Esteemed Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@PurpleBunny wrote:

@libbyannE wrote:

What's behind the question? Do I sense hurt feelings? Need more info.


I explained. My siblings didn't even bother to check on my father after surgery with a phone call.  Six days later - still - nothing. It's beyond my comprehension.  Apparently I am "the bad guy" for voicing my disappointment. I apparently expect too much. 


I've found that when you're the child being there for most everything- the others feel  (whether it's subconscious or not) they don't have to do...  very sad. It's not an excuse for poor behavior, it's jsut an unfortunate reality.

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents


@Ibby114 wrote:

@PurpleBunny wrote:

@libbyannE wrote:

What's behind the question? Do I sense hurt feelings? Need more info.


I explained. My siblings didn't even bother to check on my father after surgery with a phone call.  Six days later - still - nothing. It's beyond my comprehension.  Apparently I am "the bad guy" for voicing my disappointment. I apparently expect too much. 


I've found that when you're the child being there for most everything- the others feel  (whether it's subconscious or not) they don't have to do...  very sad. It's not an excuse for poor behavior, it's jsut an unfortunate reality.


I think you're right. The more you do, the more they expect. Unfortunately, I'm the one with the most on my plate to begin with. ☹️

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Registered: ‎09-10-2010

Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents

@PurpleBunny 

 

My 85yo Dad lives alone (with a caretaker/personal assistant  lady)  on the property about 30minutes away.  My Mom passed away 6years ago.  He was not taking care of himself very well after her death and Miss Laura is an angel to help with cooking and cleaning. 

 

We talk on the phone several times a day and before bed he usually calls me or I call him to say good night.    

 

so YES, I would be involved in any minor surgery procedure my Dad was having.   

 

We did not talk so much over the phone when he had my Mom to talk with but things have changed and he seems to appreciates our little phone chats.  

 

My DH calls his 88yo Mother once a week after the Sunday PGA Golf Game for a chat. He would either be with her or on the phone with her if she had any procedure. She lives alone about 8 hours away in  a retirement community in Florida.  

 

Turn this around,  what you YOU want from your child if you were living alone?  

 

Best of Luck and Wishes to you and your family, 

CAT

 

 

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Re: Just curious ... Re: elderly parents

@gacat123  I agree. At that age, every little rememberance means something. Even though my dad lives five minutes from me and I see him constantly, I send him cards, email and call. Those are things that would make me feel good, too. 

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