JUST WANT AN OPINION OR YOUR THOUGHTS - Page 5

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Moonchilde wrote:
@qvcaddition wrote:
@Zita wrote:
@Moonchilde You said it well. I would be very suspect about someone giving me gifts unless we were close friends. The OP needs to look at how others view her propensity for giving. Might be better to send a check to a favorite charity that really needs funding.

I also think the OP should look at her own motives for giving. What does she expect to get from it?

ZITA, YOU NEED TO READ MY POST. I GET PLEASURE. Nothing more, nothing less. What can the homeless give me? What is wrong with that? Try it yourself.

You have (deliberately?) missed the point that I and others have made. It's NOT about YOUR motivation - it's NOT you-you-you - it's about *how the other person might feel.*

I'm getting the feeling, by the OPs posts subsequent to her original, that how others might view or feel about her generosity is irrelevant to her. She does what she does to whomever she feels like, and if anyone is less than thrilled then what's wrong with THEM?

I believe the OP is doing what she does out of kindness, but when met with anything other than the gratitude she (yes) expects, the other party's "rudeness/ingratitude" must be exposed - because it COULDN'T be anything SHE'S done, no way.

I predict further future rebuffs if the OP doesn't rethink some of her gifting.

I get what you are saying, @Moonchilde.

It's a case of "Look at ME! Adore ME! I bestowed upon you this gift, now be thankful to ME!"

I would feel uncomfortable if someone bought me a piece of jewelry, and just gifted it to me "for no reason".

Yes, I would feel obligated to give them a gift that was equal in value.

Also, it might come across as charity.

Nobody likes to feel as though others sees them as a charity case.

It also could be seen as a form of "showing off" just how off financially one is.

"Look at me. I can afford this, and you can't, so I am taking pity on you, and buying it for you."

So, while she may say that she does it out of the goodness of her heart, it may not always come across as that to the recipient.

Now that I think more about it, the woman is frugal with her spending, which is her choice, her right.

When the o/p bought the bracelet, it probably came across as, disapprooval of how the recipient chooses to spend, or not spend her money.

Yeah, I'd resent that too.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Plaid Pants2, the OP has stated that the person she gifted is "very very very wealthy" (literal quote).

I don't necessarily think the OP isn't genuine in her desire to gift, but her subsequent posts certainly talk a lot about how much she's gifted and to whom, how charity-minded she is, and how pleased and grateful they all were. This may be the first gifting that hasn't gone according to plan.

For me the bottom line is that the OP is refusing to see or understand that gifting involves *the other person's feelings and wishes as much as the gifter's* and that there could be several reasons that the giftee might not be happy, including "she's just not that into you." But the OP continues to express that in her opinion there's no earthly reason for the giftee to behave as she has but rudeness and ingratitude.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

Quse · ‎09-05-2014

I find this whole thread to be fascinating, the various responses. Gratitude seems to be different things to different people.
As a former recovering "very uncomfoortable when someone gave me a gift, especially out of the blue" person: someone once told me that graciousness and gratitude is also the ability to receive a gift, and just say "thank you". This was a revelation to me, becasue I WAS the type that felt if you gave me a gift, I had to reciprocate, and do so according to the monetary level I received. Which created another level of stress and burden for me. It changed my life when I learned to take myself out of the center.
People do things for different reasons. I find that for myself, when I'm down and hurting the most are the days I put on more makeup, force myself to dress better and dilberately go looking for someone to bless. Sometimes I can't bring myself to put on makeup and go out...I donate online. I've been met with varying reactions, from "gushing thank you, thank you, crying and grateful", to "I can't take this", to people actually accepting the gift, looking me in the eye, no thank you, and walking away. You can NEVER control another person's reaction to anything, only your own.
I literally had to train myself to let it go (insert Frozen song here). It's their "stuff", formed by their own opinions, their own hurts and happiness...their own lives and you are just encountering them as a snapshot in time. Their story is not done yet, and you may never know how that 1 gift affected them down the road. Sometimes I give very expensive gifts (if I had a particularly good year), out of the blue, only when I know the person really wanted the item. If they insist that it's too much, I just take it back, and don't make a big deal of it. It's all good.
Additionally, one should never assume what someone can afford or not. I had an aunt, by marriage, that was extremely frugal. She used to wash out ziplock baggies and reuse them until they literally fell apart. She lived in a small ranch, sparsely furnished and with old, run down furniture. Everyone assumed she was poor. People were always offering assistance, but fell away when they realized she was very difficult to deal with. She was not poor. Eventually, she had to go into a nursing home, which is not cheap. Even after paying for several years of full nursing care, she died with several million dollars in the bank.
You just never know the whole story.

DowntonAbbey · ‎03-09-2010

Please don't loose your joy for the blessing you gave her I believe she felt like wow now I can't even do something nice for this sweet woman as it is not in my budget.......she did not mean it wrong, she does not know how to communicate well. You did a good thing.......be sure not to give because it feels good as I am a giver and I feel so good when I give but at times I wish someone would think of me so I get upset at times in sadness because I never get things. Yet now I have a few times. You did good and she did not mean it and may not know what to do and she probably felt guilty. Because most when you give want something back. That is probably what she thought you could have given it to her with no name on it then she would not have probably felt that way or said that at all as she would not have known.........