Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

I use my phone to make and receive calls, and for the internet and camera. It's always with me. When I lived alone and had a land line, my phone was off most of the time (because at work I got almost no reception in an area shielded by lead, and it just ran the battery down) and maybe 3-4 people had the number. I always forgot to check for messages. No one called or texted me.

I now live with others, and use my cell as my one-and-only phone. It's on all the time, but I still have issues (my own) of being "instantly" accessible. I forget to check for messages daily or more than once daily because I'm not used to receiving them. I'll check for text and forget to check for voicemail, and vice versa.

Reception at the house (in the country) isn't good, so sometimes it takes awhile before I receive it. If I don't recognize a number or area code I sometimes delete calls I shouldn't because I get enough spam calls that I don't want to be calling spammers back.

When I'm in the car I don't automatically hook it up to BT, so sometimes I'll get a call while driving & can't answer it. My niece leaves her BT on 24/7 but it really eats battery on my iPhone. I don't have charging issues especially, I remember to charge but can also charge in the car.

Point - even those who embrace technology don't all use their phones the same way or the same amount, and if you can't reach them it's not always because they wilfully don't want to be reached.

[libbyannE]

 First, it's really none of your business, although I understand your concern for friend. Second, it can't be as bad as you were saying. If anyone can leave a message on her home phone, then they can reach her if, say, the doctor's office is trying to call, as you say. When I left the corporate world, after having been absolutely tethered to what was then my BlackBerry seven days a week because that's how my boss wanted it, I was so thrilled to get rid of it. I have only a basic cell phone, which my husband and I share, and we give its phone number to very few people. Even my doctor doesn't have it. My doctor's office has never had a problem calling me at home and leaving a message or sending emails. Obviously, the people who need to get hold of me, such as my brother and my elderly parents, have our cell phone number. But I don't want to be tethered to it either.  I use my iPad for nearly everything and I don't have to pay a monthly fee for that! In the car with bmw assist, I don't worry, either, because I can reach a live person in a flash.

[libbyannE]

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@willdob3 wrote:

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@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

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I understand your frustration & that you are attempting to help your friend. That said, she obviously is unwilling to do the things she could to be available when people need to reach her.

Make it NOT your business anymore and let her know you won't be doing things that require communication in a timely manner because she is unable/unwilling to do her part. Let her daughter and anyone else who complains about her to you know they will need to find another way to deal with the problem.

Your friend may or may not eventually take responsibility. Maybe your taking care of things for her is one reason she hasn't done that herself. If she remains hard to reach someone else will take over or she will miss very important calls - perhaps medical emergencies - and she will have to deal with that. 

For your own sake let go of this. Stop doing for her. It is not your problem or responsibility and let others know that. 

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It is not anyone's "responsibility" to be available 24/7. My family has our cell no., and that's that. I am amazed that some people think others should be available all the time. I check emails and messages several times a day, but I do not want to be answering a cell phone all day long. I have a feeling that this " friend" is just st a bossy, nosy person who makes it her business to tell everyone what to do. 

[shoptilyadropagain]

Your friend appears to have the same attitude regarding cell phones and landlines.  Although I'm one that doesn't want to be tethered to my phone either, she is being completely selfish and  irresponsible wiith aging parents, babysitting for a small child, etc.  Personally, if I were her daughter, I would seriously reconsider having her watch my child if that's the way she is.

However, all that to say, it really is HER problem and you've been pulled into it by her daughter and the fact that you work for her physician.  I do understand your frustration though.  If she doesn't want to answer the phone to schedule and confirm doctor appointments, then that's on her.

A person doesn't have to be tied to their phone all day long but, at the same time, be available to answer calls from her daughter and doctor's offices, etc.  

[stazgirl]

Maybe I am old fashioned, but no one NEEDS a cell phone.  People got along just fine without them before they came along, we all raised our children, made it to appointments, took care of aging parents, babysat and did all kinds of "normal" things without worrying whether we would miss a call. Leave a message after the beep... I spend all day long on the phone at work, last thing I want when I get home is to HAVE to answer my phone.  And yes, I have an aging mother in a care home, 2 grandchildren, a spouse who works nights.  My phone is set on DO NOT DISTURB, only those numbers I deem important will ring.   My husband"s, my daughter's and my mother's care home.. I told my kids many yrs ago when they turned 18 and they would complain that I was not avail tot hem 24/7 that I was no longer "legally" required to be there at their beck and call (NOT BEING MEAN< just took a little control of my life back)  ANd personally, I think it is RUDE to be on your  phone ALL the time, no matter where you are or who you are with,  if your phone is more important to look at than me, than I will go home and read a book instead of spending time with you.

[SaRina]

It's true @stazgirl that we survived without cell phones in the past just fine -- we didn't know any differently, we didn't have the technology.  But they are absolutely a valuable asset now that we have the technology. I have elderly parents and they know they can reach me at a moment's notice wherever I am if they need me.  If I'm on the road alone, the cell phone is my safety net.  Very important.

The difference for me is....   while I embrace technology, technology does not run my life.  I am rarely on my cell phone and I'm not constantly checking for messages.

[ROMARY]

Toddlers need to be 'lifted' quite a lot.  Also, being chased after, as they 'toddle' along.     ('Toddlers' and 'toddle' are cute words, btw. .... I'll have to find out the origin of those two words, maybe England-British?) 

[stazgirl]

Good point, I agree, that is why the people who NEED to reach me can, what I object to are those people who complain just because I DID NOT answer when they called, for whatever reason.  I am under NO OBLIGATION to answer my phone "just because you want to talk"    If you reread my post said, it is set to recieve calls from those that would need to call me...my mom's care home, my spouse and my daughter...

[Sooner]

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@scotnovel wrote:

I don't understand why you think it is your business to chastise her (forcefully according to you) because she doesn't handle her phone & her personal business as you think she should?  She is an adult and can decide for herself how much she wants to be connected to the world.  You call her "my friend",  but it seems like that might only be on your terms.   If you were my "friend", I would cut ties with you. 

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I agree one thousand percent.  MYOB!!!!!!!!!!  I don't call that a friend.  Sorry but it is her life not yours. 

[Moonchilde]

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@stazgirl wrote:

Maybe I am old fashioned, but no one NEEDS a cell phone.  People got along just fine without them before they came along, we all raised our children, made it to appointments, took care of aging parents, babysat and did all kinds of "normal" things without worrying whether we would miss a call. Leave a message after the beep... I spend all day long on the phone at work, last thing I want when I get home is to HAVE to answer my phone.  And yes, I have an aging mother in a care home, 2 grandchildren, a spouse who works nights.  My phone is set on DO NOT DISTURB, only those numbers I deem important will ring.   My husband"s, my daughter's and my mother's care home.. I told my kids many yrs ago when they turned 18 and they would complain that I was not avail tot hem 24/7 that I was no longer "legally" required to be there at their beck and call (NOT BEING MEAN< just took a little control of my life back)  ANd personally, I think it is RUDE to be on your ALL the time, no matter where you are or who you are with,  if your phone is more important to look than me, than I will go home and read a book instead of spending time with you.

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Yes, you are kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face. People got along, but it wasn't just fine. People died because they couldn't get certain kinds of medical help quickly enough and hospitals often had lengthy delays contacting family regarding treatment. People had no way home sometimes and no way to contact anyone stranded out in the middle of nowhere. 

Pay phones were everywhere 50-60 years ago. Try to find one now.

What if a young grandchild you're babysitting has an accident, seizure, etc. and their parents are on vacation 3 states away - is it "fine" to not be able to keep them informed in a timely way?

If an elderly relative had a stroke, or even passed away suddenly at a nursing home and you were out for the day 100 miles away and didn't find out until midnight, is that "fine"?

Peoples' lives have been saved when they ran out of gas or had a flat in the desert, or who fell down a cliff, or whose car rolled down a cliff off the road, who would have DIED if they hadn't had their cell. Is that "fine"? 

I'm not speaking to your described personal use of *your* cell phone, but your statement that "no one NEEDS a cell phone." Maybe not, if they don't care whether other people, or themselves, die for not having one.