Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

---

@kdgn wrote:

Relatives did this, the registry was for a cruise. There were various donation amounts and what they would purchase for the cruise and you had to use a credit card. I took a fast glance and wrote out a check and mailed it to them.

I do have a major question though: What happens to the money/credit to the honeymoon cruise if the couple never go on it?? These two had not put in a cent of their own money, had planned on going in Sept. Sept rolled around and both were in new jobs and couldn't take a vacation. It's been over a year, they still haven't gone on a cruise and it looks like they aren't going to be able to go this Sept either. 

So who gets the money? The couple or are the credit cards used given the refund? 

---

Wow, hadn't even tgought of something like that! Nightmare.

[Moonchilde]

---

@NativeJax wrote:
I am a little confused on how they did their registry? Did the put that on their actual invitation? If yes, very tacky... I just really don't like the go find me stuff...it really is a pet peeve...

---

I don't have all the details, but no, this was something, presumably informal, on FB. There was their comment as in the OP, and a live link with photo to a DW website for the registry. I don't have any way of knowing whether everyone invited, who may not be on FB or online of course, will be told the same thing.

[Moonchilde]

---

@NativeJax wrote:
So is the registry with Disney? They should have just put their registry in the invitation.....maybe it was a little tacky by saying just donate to our honeymoon.

This topic has been brought up several times. I have mixed opinion on the way weddings and registries are done now.

My opinion is that it is a little tacky but I would just donate to the fund. It can't be any worse than $3000 steak knives and flight to Paris on my cousins registry. I am still not over that! Ugh it's so obnoxious

---

See my recent response - yes, it is a Disney site registry, which they posted on their FB page, with the comment about in lieu of (physical, clearly) gifts.

[NativeJax]

@Moonchilde

Oh, it was on FB.....well I dunno either.... Sheesh nobody does anything the old fashion way anymore......

Sometimes when I know a couple maybe strapped for money I will give cash for a gift but I prefer giving an actual gift. However, the past decade I have noticed less gifts on gift table and more cards. I think more people get cash now than gifts.

I was once at a wedding where someone stole all the cards and the bride and groom probably lost a bunch of money. Since then if I bring a card with cash I am always worried it might get stolen. It stresses me out lol

[ECBG]

I agree with many of you, it is tacky.  

Why do they need such an expensive honeymoon if they can't afford it?  They could save and go for their five year anniversary.

[shoekitty]

Wedding ettiquette is not the same as years past.  In the last 15 years it has changed.  Expenses are higher, parties are bigger.  Geesh, we never had a dozen showers, 30,000 dollar receptions, wedding destination s, and such.  It is not your cake and punch reception with the local band playing show tunes, and a bride and groom holding hands on top a 3 tier cake with rock hard decorations, and silver sugar bells!!! LOL!  BTW, I had sugar bells and ribbons!

Yes, I do think it is a little tacky, but I think of it another way.  I am fussy, fussy about gifts.I am 68 and don't go to many weddings at all. When I go, it someone really special to me.  A neighbor child who was born and grew up coming to play with my grands, a daughters friend, like that.  I give big, and it better be something at the top of their list, and I love to give something that will outlast the marriage if need be.  Seriously, I want to give something they love, remember and keep.  Giving money for a honeymoon is a temporary gift to me...but it means so much to them.  Will they remember your gift later, chances are they won't if it went to honeymoon.  Yes, they remember the honeymoon, and are grateful, but they won't remember who gave it to them I am sure.  They cash the checks, pool it and spend it. 

The last wedding I went they had a gift list, and they were going to Disney World.  They had specific things to gift for Honeymoon.  Like a safari tour, dinner for 2 at a cafe, dinner for 2 at the big restaurant there, tings like that.  They were 27, had been going together 8 years.  One of those first love things.They had a smaller, beautiful wedding, and had bought a home and had many household items already as they had planned for so long!  I watched them grow up.  I did gift them a safari tour for one (I let someone else gift the other.  Then I bought them a special gift to keep and remember their special day.  They did remember who gifted what (as they know their gift before the wedding these days), and they thanked me and others at the wedding.  It meant a lot to them.  So there you have it. Yes, it isn't what we did in our day, but I guess each wedding is different.  I think it is a good thing. 

[Pook]

I only buy gifts for those I want to and do not resent it.  I would rather give something wanted.  Some posters sound like they are resentful of giving a gift that would benefit the couple the most.  Who goes to a wedding and doesn't buy a gift so why not something that is really wanted?  It's not about the giver!  If anyone is so resentful then skip the wedding and don't give anything.  I find it tacky to give something not on the registry that will never be used just because the giver thinks it's a great gift.  The gifts of the past were many times just stuff that was packed away, sold at garage sales, regifted or donated.  Most couples have all the household items they need whereas in the past those getting married were just starting out.  It was financially beneficial to get common household items.  It's probably not that the couple cannot afford a honeymoon, just what the want since they will be getting gifts anyway.    Life is way different than years ago!

[NativeJax]

It's not so much the gift is cash but more so the asking of "we just want your money". It use to be people would by a gift, off registry and at the reception many people would give the couple cash just as an extra. I do see the point that often people already have toasters and such but now people ask for some over the top items or requests. Somebody said on here people ask for help on down payment for a home. I think couples should save for stuff like that.

Also, it seems many young couples expect to have everything right away and not work towards something together. I know several couples who bit off more than they can chew right away, causing financial problems and then divorce over their finances. I don't know, maybe because they want the two car garage, white picket fence too quickly.

[Marianne1]

Tacky would be including the info in the wedding invite, as would any mention of gifts -- other than something regarding "Please, no gifts- just come celebrate with us on our day."

But as far as registries, this one is no different than any other: a couple indicating, to those who ask, what they would appreciate getting.

I like the idea, myself.  So consider me tacky. 

[Nataliesgramma]

Tacky if included in the Wedding invitation.