Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother? - Page 5

sparklestar · ‎03-09-2010

@Bubbles219 It's nice that she has you as a neighbor. I'm sure that she must have delightful days thanks to you.

nevergivesup · ‎04-24-2010

It's not about the soup and there is no way an outsider can make a judgement. I was a Hospice nurse and saw first hand the complexities of family dynamics. I had many patients who treated me and the other staff with kindness and respect but turned into entirely different people when their children came to visit. Sometimes it was the result of their pain and frustration with their illness but with others it was apparent this was a life long pattern.

So maybe the daughter was being petty or maybe she had been undermined and criticized her whole life. You will never know.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

Remember just because someone is old doesn't mean they are innocent. I had an aunt that mistreated her mother, both of her dils and sil. She was a jeckle and hyde. Never loyal or honest with anyone

She died alone, an unmourned, and she brought it on herself through a lifetime of meaness and dirty tricks. Sometimes I try to pray for her soul, because she lived such a twisted and hate filled life

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Bubbles219 Family dynamics are complicated. You do not know the whole story.... I really doubt the soup started all of this. It goes way back. Do not try to understand as you are not involved other than as an outsider looking in and seeing what you think you see. I am saying this from my own experience.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Mominohio wrote:
As so many have said, it wasn't the soup, but the soup many have been, perhaps, the straw that broke the camel's back.

Some people are really difficult. And they put on a really good show to everyone else that they are very happy, and normal and well adjusted, when if fact, that isn't how they treat those closest to them at all.

I don't know if the problem is the daughter, the mother or both. But I will say that simply not talking is better than some other scenarios that could take place. If one needs some space and distance to avoid being mean, or abusive, then silence isn't the worse thing that could be happening.

Perhaps this has happened at other times in their relationship and will pass. And maybe the daughter isn't really not talking to her mother, but the mother wants others to think she is to get some additional attention. Sometimes seniors alone can really put on a show for pity/attention.

I'd say if you enjoy your neighbor, simply visit with her, listen when she speaks, be friendly and kind and remember her with favors now and then if you can, and let happen with their relationship what will.

And yes, I have stopped talking to my mother on several occasions. It usually lasts for several days, then she comes around. She can be very demanding, controlling and mean when things don't go her way. She says mean an hurtful things, rants on and on about things that aren't her business, and in general can pretty much alienate everyone around her. When I've had enough, I simply shut down and ignore her. When she's done throwing her tantrum she comes back around.

People really only have to take so much of others abuse, regardless of their relationship.

To which I can only say, boy howdy yes!

The things my mother would say/claim about a situation to others in order to get sympathy and/or get her way could be hair-curlingly false. She was very manipulative and truly believed she was subtle, clever, and no one had a clue. Um...no. Sorry Mom. Tired of it. Not going to work so knock it off.

Tantrums? When she didn't get her way or you pi**ed her off, she would make sure she was carted away by ambulance. What she didn't realize was that was a vacation for everyone else.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

I would wonder if the Mother might have the beginning signs of dementia. This could be her reality rather than real.

Or this could be two stubborn people, neither of whom wants to apologize.

This is certainly not about the soup.

Stormygirl · ‎08-01-2015

@cherry so very true. They say "Hurt People Hurt People" and I never understood it until I was made aware of the repeated family legacy of abuse, hurt and shame....generation after generation the cycle continued. I never had children as I was so afraid of those old patterns set forth long ago....is a shame really and no matter how many times I tried to "fix" her or the relationsip, again I became her object of scorn and verbal/physical outbursts. Our last face to face ended up in a physical altercation in which she forgot I had become big enough to defend myself against her disfiguring attacks. Unfortunately I broke her nose after many warnings to get her "Hands off me" Noone can possibly know the pain I had endured at the hands of "Mommy Dearest" She died quite alone and although she put in a good front for the public most saw through that. Took years of counceling to even become "approachable"and open to human relationships. I still have the nightmares to deal with but I yell "You cannot hurt me anymore" No door to open in that situation.

momtochloe · ‎11-03-2013

@nevergivesup wrote:
It's not about the soup and there is no way an outsider can make a judgement. I was a Hospice nurse and saw first hand the complexities of family dynamics. I had many patients who treated me and the other staff with kindness and respect but turned into entirely different people when their children came to visit. Sometimes it was the result of their pain and frustration with their illness but with others it was apparent this was a life long pattern.

So maybe the daughter was being petty or maybe she had been undermined and criticized her whole life. You will never know.

@nevergivesup God bless you for your assistance in helping families throughout this journey . . . you are a rare breed and I cannot thank you and your partners enough for your support and kindness.

I was embarrassed by my siblings behavior when both my father and mother passed and yet you folks were always so kind and nurturing. It takes a special kind of person to do that job and again I say thank you and bless you!

It took me a year or two after my mom passed to realize how unhealthy our family dynamics were and the baggage we were schlepping from previous generations. It's always the little things that trigger deep felt angst that quite possibly has been simmering for an incredibly long time.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@chickenbutt wrote:
@LTT1 wrote:
OMG if you only knew...
but I can swear to this: my DD and I will never ever stop talking... EVER. (Even if I had to go to her and beg) : (

Funny thing, in my situation and as much damage SHE caused me, it was she who said that I would never hear from her again. I made, probably for the tenth time, the idiotic effort to open a dialogue (always trying to fix things!). I sent her a letter and talked about some things that had hurt me, how and why, etc, and had in mind every (stupid) effort to make things good.

She sent me a letter back calling me names, blaming me for my childhood from h-e-double-L (uh, what?). I guess either I deserved all the abuse for some reason, from the time I was a toddler. Anyway, in the course of 4 pages of ugly, she said that I would never hear from her again.

I figured - whatever - and that was that. I don't care. I'm way past over trying to make good when I wasn't even the one who did all the horrible things. She can rot. I don't actually even know if she is still alive. She is such a horrible person, she will probably live to be 150.

They always do, don't they!
I have never been close with my mother.
I have forgiven her but I am very leery of her.

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

My Ma and I were cut from the same cloth which could lead to disagreements every once in a blue moon. She might give me the silent treatment for a day but we could never be really angry with each other.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise