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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,077
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

Very sad, i agree it is not about the soup, something else is going on.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,189
Registered: ‎01-04-2016

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

It's up to the mother.  She knows how to make contact with her daughter to tell her of her illness yet hasn't.  Maybe she wants her daughter to feel the pain in the event of her sudden death.  In any case if there is any blame to be assigned right now, it goes to her for staying silent.  

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,256
Registered: ‎05-11-2012

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

There HAS to be more to the story than just the soup. You are only hearing one side of the story. 

 

And NO, I never stopped talking to my mother. What I would give to talk to her again...

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,012
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

I spoke to my mother every day.  I miss her to  this day.  I have  friends that seldom hear from their kids and I feel sad for them.  I am fortunate not to be in that situation.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,249
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

I never stopped talking to my Mom. 

 

All the mom can do is keep trying, without being overboard.

 

DH didn't talk to his parents for years, after they got divorced and remarried.  His mother told him, she's got her new family and he needed to find his. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 560
Registered: ‎03-18-2012

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

Never.  But when I was a teenager I'll bet my parents wished I would.  I was vocal and opinionated and stubborn.  Luckily I grew up, though still stubborn.

 

Now that I'm old and they are gone, I just wish I could have one more talk with my mom and dad.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,520
Registered: ‎03-04-2012

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

No, I would have never stopped talking to my mother.  I respected her. 

 

Had the same thing just happen to a friend who was put in a nursing home.  Her children are grown.  When they had an intervention to tell her she would never go home again her first reaction was that she would miss her dogs.  Her children took offense to that and only her son comes to visit her.  I think that is appauling.  I would have said the same thing.  She lived alone with her dogs, so of course, that is what she won't have in her life everyday.  Children can be "children" sometimes.  They need to grow up and realize their parents won't be around forever. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

I know two young adults with children who stopped talking to their father. 

 

The Dad was never in trouble with the law or anything like that, and he was quite the charmer, but over the years it became clear that he was a serial liar and a user.  A philanderer, he left their mother when she was very ill... for another woman.

 

I don't blame the adult children one bit, the man is toxic.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,162
Registered: ‎08-01-2015

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

@Bubbles219 Is sad and I can only say from experience is not just about any "pot of soup" but about much deeper issues that one can rarely understand unless knowing the dynamics of thier total relationship. Is sometimes much deeper, about control issues and deep shame....about the past unresolved. Sometimes is much deeper then getting material things one needs or wants but not getting acceptance, getting shame and damage as a child.

I will only tell you I "hated"my step mother as she was mentally abusive, physically loose with a hand, and gave me (foster child) the job of keeping her marriage together. Didnt work and she resented me...I have deep shame and toxic issues...anger problems to this day. I will tell you that 4 out of 5 left as soon as they could and I didnt speak to her for over 20 years, didnt go to her funeral and when the funeral director asked if anyone wanted to say anything, I heard not one person stood up. I hated my biological mother for having 11 children she couldnt afford nor took care of, and all 11 of us taken away by CPS. Only 5 of 11 of us still survive most have died by suicide from the mental carnage and Pa foster system not being more selective of where and who they placed children with.......or even caring what happened when children aged out of the foster system. ...so can be a much deeper issue I wouldnt inject myself or try to heal..

Wasnt till this year I heard from neighbors who validated my hatred and feelings of anger. I found that I wasnt wrong in my hatred of this controlling woman who ruined my happiness and autonomy. I wasnt wrong for hating that my biological mother was having children she could nor would take care of......she had control of that and thought nothing of the consequences of her actions...or lack of. Deep things can oftentimes surface over something that seems quite trivial. I long ago removed myself from a toxic childhood and had to slam the door on those who damaged me. I cant say what the problem is with those you mention but I know what toxic childhood can last a lifetime. 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

Yes.  Haven't spoken to her in more than a decade.  Many HUGE reasons.

 

It sure seems to me, just from what I read here, that this particular daughter in your story got bent out of shape for pretty much nothing.    She meant well, but mother really was set on making it herself.  Nobody did anything with mal intention, but daughter took it kinda far, IMO, and from what we know here.

 

If that were the worst thing my mother ever did to me, I would - wow, I hate to even think at this point how much better my life would have been!

 

I guess I shouldn't judge this other lady's situation, though, as that could have been some kind of 'last straw'.   Plus, only hearing one side doesn't help.