Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother? - Page 10

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

OMG no!!

My beloved mother was sickly and almost died once in her early thirties from an infection after a miscarriage . . . then did die from cancer at age 49, prior to which I lived in VA for more than eight years after I married. I knew her as an adult for only a short time. I have always felt deprived from having not had her in my life for very long. I did take my two youngest babies (16 months and 2 months) and went up north to take care of her for the last four months of her life. However, she was already too sick for us to have much conversation.

She was a wonderful mom when we were children, taught us a love of the arts and music, and so much more. I could write pages and pages about how exceptional she was.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

excpa · ‎09-12-2015

colliegirls: I hear you. I was fired by my family and I accepted it. I don't know if any of them ever felt guilt but I know I was supposed to. I didn't. Still have no regrets. Life is too short to spend time with people who have more problems than I do. The idea that you are supposed to regret your decisions is more judgemental than reality. I agree with the person who said the soup was probably the last straw.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

This thread reminds me that not everyone is cut out to be a mother. I have recently read some articles regarding the fact that when asked about having children many respondents said that if they were to do it over again they would have chosen not to. This would be an interesting topic for a sociology thesis or dissertation.

feline groovy · ‎07-29-2014

People really need to get the eff over themselves.

croemer · ‎03-10-2010

@feline groovy wrote:
People really need to get the eff over themselves.

? Trying to understand...who needs to get over themselves?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

@PenneyT wrote:
Just wanted to interject, it may be of help to some (it was to me) to visit sites such as Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. There are other sites, like Reddit's raised by narcissists, that may bring some enlightenment and peace.

I'm so happy for people who have happy, healthy relationships with their parents. Not perfect, but healthy. Others of us were not so lucky, but I believe there can be happy endings. Hugs and prayers to all who struggle.

I used to read at that narcissistic mothers site. Very helpful.

shoptilyadropagain · ‎03-19-2014

I haven't read all the responses so I'm sure I'm repeating but.....obviously, there are, and probably have been, issues between this mother & daughter. I pray it gets worked out.

My mom can annoy me to no end but I love her dearly and would never dream of stopping communication with her. Oh, and I'm sure that I annoy her sometimes as well.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@RetRN wrote:
This thread reminds me that not everyone is cut out to be a mother. I have recently read some articles regarding the fact that when asked about having children many respondents said that if they were to do it over again they would have chosen not to. This would be an interesting topic for a sociology thesis or dissertation.

I told my mother a few times, in not-heated, ordinary conversation about our lives, that I didn't feel she should have been a mother, but she married and lived in a time when pretty much all women who were able to had children because...that's what you DID - marry and have children.

She of course denied that she ever didn't want or wished she hadn't had me or my older sister, and I think she probably meant it - she was a good mother in that she would never have said I was right and she'd never wanted us.

But I still feel she shouldn't have had us, because we were clearly secondary to her "real" life, which was to find the "perfect man" to love and support her. She was one of those women who repeatedly choose the wrong man - three times. Each time, my sister and I just went along for the ride. We - our emotional and physical well-being- was never in the equation. We were baggage.

We suffered emotional and physical abuse (but not nearly as much as some here have), and as far as emotional abuse in my case, my mother could not have cared less. Husband and marriage was The Thing. The kids? Not so much.

I was never being mean when I told her this, just realistic. She was treated similarly by her cold, emotionally distant mother. My sister, and one of my sister's children turned out the same - all about the men, the kids are just the fallout.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

I know of a mom who refuses to answer the phone when her daughter calls every couple of years. She lets the answering machine pick up and deletes any message left. Her daughter has caused so many heartaches and problems over the years that it's best for her own sanity. I also know a daughter who will not call her mom nor contact any member of her family. She blames her mom for every bad decision she's made in her own life. I won't say the mom is blameless, she is controlling, but the daughter also refuses to acknowledge her own faults.

I see this older woman, in her 80s who has lost her husband having to depend more and more on her daughter for things. She's living alone, knows there are things that she can no longer manage on her own but cooking isn't one of them. Her daughter has to drive her to appointments, such a loss of independence, and here the daughter decides to start the soup-when she is supposed to be taking her mom to a doctor's appointment? Time could have been a factor too. But if mom is in her early 80s, then the daughter is in her 50s or early 60s. She may be resentful that she has to help her mom. Such a silly thing, we may think, but it's also a power play between the two women. The daughter refusing contact is showing mom just how powerful she is....let her fend for herself and see how she likes it/fares. Yeah, it's about more than soup.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I would never stop speaking to my mother, period. Absolutely nothing would be a big enough issue to come between us.

Mom and I have a great relationship, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, and she knows that. As the only daughter, I do my best to know some of what my mother needs, and see that she has it, does it, gets it, etc. However, the one thing I have NEVER done, is walk into my mother's house and assume that she needs my help with cleaning, cooking, etc., to the point I would jump in and start doing stuff. I would absolutely do it if she asked for my help, or if I even suspected she needed help, I would make an offer to help, but I would never just jump in and do, because I know it would hurt her feelings.

Mom gets around well, keeps the house clean, laundry done, and is very proud of her independence. As much as I want to help my mother, I know the boundaries. If her situation changes, I will do whatever is necessary, but for right now I know better than to try to control what my mother does, what she eats, what her house looks like, etc.