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Regular Contributor
Posts: 242
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?


@Keeper of the koi wrote:

I have been debating whether  to reply to this thread, but i have to. It is very easy if you had kind parents. its feels smug to others who have not been so fortunate, to reply  that you cant understand not speaking to them. I have wasted most of my life trying to make them love me. Only to be abused over and over again.  I always was  shamed  by people telling me to overlook the beatings and abuse,saying let it go  it was years ago... perhaps a better approach would be to offer kindness. To the original poster, be very careful these type of  people are alone for a reason. You may be her target when you dont agree with her every thing...Survivors of abuse will often tell others you must save yourself. Honoring your parents is mutual. It is not one sided.

 


I'm sincerely sorry you did not have loving and kind parents.  Please don't think I was being smug by saying I do not understand.  If you read my original post I stated that  I could understand under certain circumstances ~ such as abuse, why one would choose not to have contact. Please do not group me in with those that tell you to let it go because it was years ago, etc.  I wish you well and hope you have found ~ or will soon find ~ peace within yourself.

 I had one kind and loving parent, not two.  While it has truly shaped who I am today I have not let it cloud my thinking.  Just  because someone chooses to not speak with their mother or father does not always mean the fault  lies with the parent, not the child.  I know that just like there are terrible parents in this world, there are also terrible children.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

To those of us who didn't have a good mother:  I don't talk about this. I think it's best to move on with your life and put it behind you, and work on making yourself and your life good now.

 

Of course you are moving on with a degree of damage, but that can't be changed. Nothing from the past can be changed.

 

Dwelling on things like this, talking about it a lot, IMHO, is unhealthy and keeps you feeling victimized.

 

Better to be grateful for whatever blessings you have, it's a nicer world that way....

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,738
Registered: ‎03-15-2011

Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

I have experied both sides, when I was in my teens, my mother would ignore me and stop talking to me if I did something to displease her! This had a tremendence effect on me, and as I got older, {20} I wouldnt take it anymore. That very same year, we had a strained relationship and I vowed if I had a child I would not treat her the way I was treated. Well 33 years later, I accidently O'D and was in a hospital for 23 days, In therepy I blamed my daughter and son for my breakdown, but on the outside I apologized to them. That was 3 years ago and she still wont speak to me, or accept my apology, nothing. She still lives with her Dad, and he does not encourage her to have anything to do with me the same goes for my 17 year old son. I do have a good relationship with my 10 year old son, but only because its court enforced. I wonder why, I got it from my mother and now from my children, and have done everything possible to have a relationship with them, only to suffer each day, every week and month to be ignored.

Sleep sweet Bo 3/19/08 8/4/18