Community Chat

[Bubbles219]

Well said~ I feel the very same way.

[Bubbles219]

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@Trinity11 wrote:

You are basically only hearing one side of the story. The woman may have been tyranical when the daughter was growing up. I would never involve myself in any relationship between a mother and a daughter. It is a very intricate one and none of us really know the whole story.

I think it is very nice of you to befriend this woman but tread lightly when it comes to discussing the daughter.

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I listen only and bite my tongue, never mutter a negative thought.

[Happiness Is Inside JOB]

As many have posted on here, there are two sides to every story.  I myself can say my mother is "SUPER" nice to everyone else but to me, I get the "critic" no matter what, you are too fat, this and that.  No matter how many other people say how "nice" I look etc, she never has a positive word.  It's like it hurts her to compliment me.

I have learned for MY MENTAL HEALTH, I have to limit my interaction with her.  FOR my mental health.  I have enough struggles in my life with work, bills, health, my mental health, my husband's health, his family....that I don't want to add one more thing.

I'm sure people say the same thing about me, that you might think about this lady's daughter.  I call my mother at every sunday, we talk on the phone but I don't see her that often by choice.  I try and keep it pleasant and avoid all conflicts and negative comments about my hair, weight, etc. 

[viva923]

My mom and I never got along. I was "the problem". If something went wrong it was my fault.  

when i got married, my parents didn't like the man I married and told me on my wedding night. Don't come crying back to them when he dumps me (we are going on 46 yrs).  It was then I knew our relationship was really done.  

I really never talked with my mom much after I got married.  She never had time for me when I did call (I moved alot because of DH job when 1st married).  

[hyacinth003]

I did once, briefly.  To this day, something she said to me hurts me.

However, I wish I had handled it differently.

I miss her every day, and would give anything to talk to her again.

Hyacinth

[phoenixbrd]

It breaks my heart that I did not have the relationship that I would have wanted with my mother.  Sometimes you have to leave a relationship not because you want to leave, but because the other person just doesn't care.

[corismom1]

I sometimes like to think that my Mom did the best she could and when she learned more, she would do better. I was wrong!!!  Truth be told, she never really liked me much or had little interest in me. She was an alcoholic and a nasty drunk. When my Dad died early from a MI she blamed my 3 year old daughter. Said that if they hadn't been packing to come to her birthday, he wouldn't have died. She told her this to her face. She told me that she was ashamed of me, but when I asked her to repeat it to my DH, she denied saying it. She was drunk. After awhile I just could no longer put myself through visits or phone calls. There was no warmth, hugs, kisses etc.  My sister who is 10 years younger and lived close by has a whole different set of childhood memories. I know I was not bad as a kid and got along with my Dad. However he was a pilot and not home most of the week. it was a stressful time and a stressful job, hence the early demise. I have always wished I had a loving Mom and have tried to be a great mom to my 2 daughters & 4 granddaughters. I think I have succeeded!

[LTT1]

@Moonchilde@RetRN

The words you have written struck a chord with me... thank you

What came to light for me is that mine had physical and mental disabilities. Migraine headaches and depression are two of them. She was probably bipolar to some extent. 

She and my dad disowned me (many times lol) and threatened my brother with this too. This made me feel like an orphan!

So many of her personality traits genetically appear to have been passed down. 

She was  also an alcoholic -- but in a refined way. Her early adult life consisted of a very short marriage to a very wealthy man (alcoholic too.) When she chose my father, she chose well. So she was strong and smart in many ways.

When growing up, I thought all was normal. I remember her sitting and looking out the window like a caged creature.  She wanted a career.  I'm pretty sure my appearance early in the marriage was a disruption of her plans.

So anyway,  hope this is not too off-topic, but sometimes you just have to cut the ties.

[dragthewaters]

I have cut off contact with my mom since August 2015. She was very physically and emotionally abusive to me and my brother our entire lives. I realized how messed up it was and that I didn't have to put up with it. Cutting her out of my life was one of the best decisions that I ever made. She is still stalking me online though and occasionally starts problems with my brother when I do something she doesn't like (such as getting married without inviting her to the wedding, and spending time with my dad on Fathers' Day).

The last time I talked to her was in February when she emailed me trying to get me to feel bad for HER that I cut her off. I responded with a list of all the messed up things she did to us over the years. She actually admitted to doing some of the things, which was a first, but she also claimed it wasn't really her fault because her parents abused HER and also she had no support network when she was raising us, and also said "every time you remember something, your memory of it changes, so your memory could be inaccurate." And said that every time she abused us she felt bad about it, as if that excused anything (and I know for a fact that she enjoyed abusing us, so it's not even true). When I told her I wasn't going to resume contact with her she went off on a tirade about how I am heartless and have no loyalty and "only see people in black and white" etc etc.

My brother cuts off contact with her often but she always manages to suck him back in. We both have a lot of mental issues due to our abusive childhoods. I have OCD which has gotten pretty bad lately and generalized anxiety disorder. My brother has depression and anxiety and he may have PTSD.

[CANDLEQUEEN]

I speak to my mother every single day.....I work full time so I usually only see her on the weekends, but we talk every evening even if it is just for 10 minutes or so.....I used to talk with my grandmother every evening as well when she was alive, we were like besties. I also speak with my two daughters every day, mostimes by email, or text, but just to say Hi, and kiss my grandbabies for me!!!!We are a very close knit family, even my sisters and I talk at least once a week or more. I would never ever ever not speak to my mother no matter what! Life is too precious and you never know what tomorrow will bring.