Re: Have you ever stopped talking to yhour mother?

Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

There were several times my mother would become angry with me and say that I made her feel useless! I had no intention of doing that, and didn't believe that I had done anything to make her feel that way! Well, fast forward, the other day my dd said something that made me feel the same way! I had to smile to myself. I finally understood how I must have done that more than I ever knew, without intending to do any such thing!

Unrelated to that, I realize how short a time I had with my mother! I'd give nearly anything to have her back. I wish I had never done anything to make her feel old, or irrelevant. In my life, she was the third most important person! She was also my soul mate! I hope every mother and daughter, or son, for that matter ( I think it's more a daughter thing. I think we feel our worth in the world is questioned by other women close to us), stop any rifts they have immediately! If they don't, they are likely to find out the hard way just how useful their mothers really are! Mothers shouldn't feel so threatened by their dds. I think it's as much that we are angry that our age prevents us from doing many of the things we've always done so, when our beloved DDS do something that points that out, it's especially painful. But, it's also not worth losing a daughter over!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I think it's great that most people had mothers who loved them and who were really great mothers. Everybody wants that, right?

It took me a lot of years to stop wishing I had that, since it was never going to come true.

I remember one time calling her to tell her about some really great accomplishment I had. You know what the first thing she said as soon as I told her about it? I swear this is 100% true and accurate - she said 'I have a headache'. It never got to any 'I'm proud of you' or 'good for you' or anything more than her talking (and whining) about HER.

Needless to say, I learned to never bother with that again. I didn't need to be fawned over or anything. I was never mollycoddled and wouldn't ask for that. I guess I just kept wishing that she would say some-freaking-thing positive to me - until that time when I stopped trying. It never changed from being called worthless, stupid, and on and on - some of them are not appropriate for here, so I'll stop there.

catmama · ‎01-07-2011

My husband stopped talking and visiting his mother after his father died. She was a vindictive manipulative individual who hated everyone and was constantly pitting one family member against another. He was fed up with her behavior and stopped all contact. She died several years ago and he does not feel guilty for his decision, just wished there had been a better relationship.

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

This is why, I believe, another person cannot fix two other women's misunderstandings with (usually) their mother/daughter:

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Toppers · ‎01-01-2015

@PenneyT wrote:
Just wanted to interject, it may be of help to some (it was to me) to visit sites such as Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. There are other sites, like Reddit's raised by narcissists, that may bring some enlightenment and peace.

I'm so happy for people who have happy, healthy relationships with their parents. Not perfect, but healthy. Others of us were not so lucky, but I believe there can be happy endings. Hugs and prayers to all who struggle.

Hi @PenneyT,

Thanks for mentioning these websites. I will have to take a look at them.

I grew up in a family full of narcissists. To say that it was a nightmare, was an understatement. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. You doubt your sanity at every moment. When I left home to get married, I was so relieved to get out of that toxic and dysfunctional environment.

I feel bad for anyone who never had a normal home life, either. It's something that you always wish that you had, no matter what your age.

Suziepeach · ‎03-10-2010

@PenneyT wrote:
Just wanted to interject, it may be of help to some (it was to me) to visit sites such as Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. There are other sites, like Reddit's raised by narcissists, that may bring some enlightenment and peace.

I'm so happy for people who have happy, healthy relationships with their parents. Not perfect, but healthy. Others of us were not so lucky, but I believe there can be happy endings. Hugs and prayers to all who struggle.

@PenneyT, thank you for those recommendations. I also purchased, from B&N ,the book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough".. It might take a bit to read but I think it will be good for me & some what healing..

Thank you again very much.

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee

Bubbles219 · ‎03-12-2010

I'm sorry, what is OP?

MyGirlsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Bubbles219 wrote:
I'm sorry, what is OP?

***

Well hi there, it means the author of a thread , as in OP/ed

In this case, t's you.

Keep Your Face To The Sunshine and You Will Not See The Shadow

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

OP = 'original poster'. :0)

Bubbles219 · ‎03-12-2010

I understand it's not about the soup. I have spent immeasurable amount of time with this woman. I have also sepnt time with her daughter and have observed their relationship first hand, albeit at limited times. I have seen this woman's good days along with her bad. Still, she mutters not a negative thought about her daughter. She tries to hide her hurt and does not have a mean bone in her body.