Grandchildren

wannabee1 · ‎04-17-2013

Curious... how many of you have custody of your grandchildren and REALLY love it? How many of you would rather enjoy your retirement without the responsibility? Trying to help a friend navigate her emotions. I try not to get involved in these things but I have a truly dear friend who is struggling with saying no. What would be crossing the line coming from me?

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

I help a lot with my grandkids but they do go home to mom and dad. If something happened to their parents I wouldn't hesitate to reaise them, it would be hard and a burden but I wouldn't want them to be raised by anyone else, besides their parents I am the closest with them.

A girl at my granddaughters school is being raised by her great grandmother, she doesn't do any kid stuff with the girl and she is obviously starved for attention and acts out, that is very sad. I think whats in the best interest of the children for me would be the deciding factor, the grandparents may not always be whats best.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I was sent to live with my Gram when I was 4. I look back and see what a blessing that turned out to be. Let's just say Gram did the only adulting in the family. Too much of a bother for anyone else.

My BFF has custody of 2 preschool grands. She took an early out retirement to care for them. They now have a stable environment with 2 caring grandparents.

I was a supportive friend who listened. At first she thought this was temporary. I didn't think so and spoke up. She prepared herself for the long haul.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

It can indeed be tough. I had a coworker who reported to me. In her late 50s, she had custody of her daughter's school age children. The daughter was in prison in another state. Dad's were not in the picture. She didn't have a choice. She took those kids or they would be separated and placed in foster care. So, she became their mother. She didn't have a support network so it was all on her. I know she loved those kids but I know she didn't really want to start raising a young family when she was almost 60.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

He's our joy and the only reason I wouldn't want to do it is because of our age and perhaps him having to start all over again for a second time.

He's only 16 months old and we are both 69. I think it would be so hard for him.

LindaSal · ‎05-15-2014

I am going to be blatantly honest here........I am thankful that we dodged this bullet.

My kids are millenials and neither has an interest in having children. One of our dear friends is raising her granddaughter who is quite young, like elementary school age.

Would I have liked being a grandmother, sure I would have but I told my kids their life is their's and do what makes you happy. I guess if I had to raise grandchildren hypothetically, I would, but yes I do feel it would be a burden on us. We are traveling quite a lot and I would really miss that if we could no longer do it. Happy my kids are responsible adults and made the right decision for themselves.

Meowingkitty · ‎06-19-2010

I have a brother in law who asked us many years ago if we would take his kids if anything happens to them. We said no. Two are adopted special needs kids. We don't have kids and didn't want any. No way would we be able to handle that. Thankfully it never happened and the kids are now in their 20's and have some type of job but have the ability of maybe a 13 year old. We would not have been able to deal with it. Neither of us have any experience with kids let alone kids with disabilities.

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

I don't believe there's one answer for all grandparents - far too many variables.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@LindaSal

I too am happy my girls have chosen to live the life they want, without children. Both girls stated at age 17 they did not want to be a mom and I believed them and supported that mindset. I made it as clear to them as it was made to me, I would not raise grandchildren!

As high school juniors, teacher daughter wore an empathy belly to simulate pregnancy, and trucker daughter brought home the simulated real care baby; both experiences helped my girls realize they weren't mommy material. Both are now over 40 and have never second guessed their decision.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@wannabee1 I'm not sure i completely understand. Did your friend say no and now feels guilty about it? Or does she want to say no but isn't feeling good about actually saying no? My other question would be ..... what about the kids? what options are there for them? if your friend says no, where would they go? into the foster system? with another family member? As I look at this from over here, my perspective, not being in this story, I feel like it should be about the best decision for the kids and it shouldn't be about if your friend would have her retirement plans crimped. Obviously, there is some serious circumstance where the kids cannot/should not be with their parent(s) and they need someone to care.