Community Chat

[151949]

I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

[LTT1]

@HULAGIRL

ITA... it is important to remain positive to remain young 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!

[hckynutjohn]

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@151949 wrote:

I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

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The only one that can decide who is your friend, is you.

hckynut(john)

[panda1234]

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@AngelPuppy1 wrote:

@HULAGIRL

I am not really close to some of the people that I once was.  I think some of it is me and some of it is them!  This is kind of a timely post for me.  I seem to have parted ways with a friend recently.  Now that I have gotten older my priorities have shifted and things that I used to accept, I now longer do. Behavior that I used to put up with I no longer do.  My eyes are opened to a lot of things and I find that some people are really not who I thought they were.  Some people were really bringing me down and I just went along with their negativity and bad behavior and recently I decided that I am better off without them.  If a friend is not being supportive of you and is in fact, causing you more unhappiness than happiness, than I don't think its a healthy relationship.  This might not be exactly what you are going through, but it's sort of similar.  

I guess what I find that I am willing to put up with and accept is different from when I was younger.  And what makes me happy now is different.  I don't like sniping, backbiting, meanness, two-faced people, devious people, etc.  I'd rather not have these people in my lives if I can help it.  

What I value is a kind heart.  I don't need razz-a-ma-tazz.  I like real, true, open -- what you see is what you get.  You support me in good and bad, and I support you the same way.  

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Totally agree, I am in the same place you are. I do think this comes with age....great post.

[Moonchilde]

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@151949 wrote:

I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

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Oh yes - if people do that, I agree. But when asked to go somewhere that involves a lot of walking and simply saying "I'd love to go but I can't walk it" should not warrant an "I think you're just using that as an excuse" attitude.  Nor should begging off driving at night due to needing cataract surgery.  

Explaining why one can't do something does not automatically equate to constant chronic complaining - but maybe it does to some people. Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

[rickiraccoon]

OMG, I had a coworker just like this and she drove me nuts! Not that your asking for advice, but I can share how I handled it....First, don't share info she can criticize (I know easier said than done), but when she does complain turn it around into a positive....ie; "I'm just grateful I have some dinner waiting for me when I get home". Whenever she complains about anything, try to come back with a positive POV. After a while, she'll get the point you don't want to hear her negativity. Hope this helps, I feel for you.

[Suziepeach]

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@AngelPuppy1 wrote:

@HULAGIRL

I am not really close to some of the people that I once was.  I think some of it is me and some of it is them!  This is kind of a timely post for me.  I seem to have parted ways with a friend recently.  Now that I have gotten older my priorities have shifted and things that I used to accept, I now longer do. Behavior that I used to put up with I no longer do.  My eyes are opened to a lot of things and I find that some people are really not who I thought they were.  Some people were really bringing me down and I just went along with their negativity and bad behavior and recently I decided that I am better off without them.  If a friend is not being supportive of you and is in fact, causing you more unhappiness than happiness, than I don't think its a healthy relationship.  This might not be exactly what you are going through, but it's sort of similar.  

I guess what I find that I am willing to put up with and accept is different from when I was younger.  And what makes me happy now is different.  I don't like sniping, backbiting, meanness, two-faced people, devious people, etc.  I'd rather not have these people in my lives if I can help it.  

What I value is a kind heart.  I don't need razz-a-ma-tazz.  I like real, true, open -- what you see is what you get.  You support me in good and bad, and I support you the same way.  

@AngelPuppy1, OMG, you said it perfectly my feelings, thank you.. 

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[Nancy Drew]

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@HULAGIRL wrote:

Do you find that some of the friends you used to have such a good time with have turned into a bunch of gossipy, complaining, nit-picking old ladies??  I guess I'll always be 30 in my heart......it's kind of sad that I don't enjoy being around these people anymore.  I still love to dance, love fashion, love to laugh a lot.  Some of my friends have turned into the little old ladies that sit in the same pew every Sunday and make snarky remarkes about everyone who enters church.......who moan and complain about everything and seem miserable in their lives. 

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My personal friends, no. But I sure can tell a lot of people are like that, from reading the forums. 

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@HULAGIRL wrote:

Do you find that some of the friends you used to have such a good time with have turned into a bunch of gossipy, complaining, nit-picking old ladies??  I guess I'll always be 30 in my heart......it's kind of sad that I don't enjoy being around these people anymore.  I still love to dance, love fashion, love to laugh a lot.  Some of my friends have turned into the little old ladies that sit in the same pew every Sunday and make snarky remarkes about everyone who enters church.......who moan and complain about everything and seem miserable in their lives. 

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My personal friends, no. But I sure can tell a lot of people are like that, from reading the forums. 

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Wow! Did that really have to been said.

[Havarti]

I have grown apart from friends over the years. They change, I change and circumstances change – that seems to be a normal part of life. Differences, to me, do not make someone negative. I enjoy a good conversation with someone who has the complete opposite opinion from mine. I find it more stimulating and even educational to have friends that do not always agree with me or see things the same way I do. Sometimes they can even persuade me to change my thinking.

I feel blessed to have lived to be the age I am, many of my friends and family were not so fortunate. For me, I prefer to feel and act my age now, not try to hang on to being in my 30’s or 40’s or any other age than I currently am. In my life, each age & stage has come with its own gifts as well as challenges and those experiences have made me who I am today. I am far from perfect but am happy with who I am and where I am at this stage of my life.

Looking forward for me is more interesting than trying to hang on to or live in the past. Now that I think about it, it is some of those friends that resist change and reality that I have outgrown. They may view me as old and negative for feeling that way, but I am happy enjoying every aspect of change that comes with the gift of living longer. Even my arthritic knees make me slow down and enjoy the view when I am out for a walk. How we view and approach these things are what make the world an interesting place.

[Moonchilde]

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@nonstopshopper wrote:

OMG, I had a coworker just like this and she drove me nuts! Not that your asking for advice, but I can share how I handled it....First, don't share info she can criticize (I know easier said than done), but when she does complain turn it around into a positive....ie; "I'm just grateful I have some dinner waiting for me when I get home". Whenever she complains about anything, try to come back with a positive POV. After a while, she'll get the point you don't want to hear her negativity. Hope this helps, I feel for you.

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The co-worker in my office always did this a little and we pretty much ignored it, but it increased drastically over the years to the point where if any of us said anything personal whatever within earshot (pretty difficult not to do in 4-5 hour stretches) it was game for her negativity and judgment.

She became the dept joke. Once we all realized we felt the same way about her "conversation" we no longer hesitated to let her know what we thought of her rude comments.  We said very little in her presence and she still managed to dredge negativity out of whatever was left. It was hilariously annoying.

In the end, we all started doing "her" work so there was less and less reason to call her in. She complained about it. We figuratively told her to ST** as WE were busy. She complained to the boss. The boss said nothing. That really ticked her off, so after giving "hints" for a month, she called  in with no official notice on a day she was expected and said she wasn't coming back.

We threw a party.