Community Chat

[Imadickens]

Your post reminds me of the time I was looking for my aunt's grave. At the Cemetary where she was buried I suddenly realized I had no idea where to begin searching so I went into the office so they could look up her section and plot number. It took a long time for someone to come help me and when I got back to the car I found that when my mother wondered what had taken me so long my dh told her I was probably in the gift shop!

[chiclets]

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@chiclets wrote:

At the funeral home flowers are there from family and others. At the sign in desk there is often a plate on which individuals leave a card/envelope with money inside, or a note stating a donation to a foundation or charity has been sent in the deceased name, or you can leave your sympathy card there. To the home you can send a dish garden or such, or bring food to  place on the table. You may telephone the funeral home to inquire if they knew the family had preferences.  Sending a sympathy card to the home is always very acceptable and nice. A card alone is always acceptable. What is important is you did something to express condolences.

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I wanted to add the reason why money is given is to help pay for the funeral, and expenses.

[sunala]

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@Big Time wrote:

I lost my beloved mother three weeks ago. I cherish every single card that has been sent to me.  Touches my heart.  Felt the same when my Dad passed.  NEVER, EVER would I expect someone to send money to me.  How CRASS.  If, in the obituary, you make mention that a donation to a favored charity in the loved one's name is preferred, that is fine.  But, never, ever, ever would I expect this.  In fact, I don't want anything but the love and support of my friends.   You are a dear person for sending that card. 

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@Big Time I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear mother. May her memory be a blessing to you.

[wagirl]

Yes I do send only a card most times. I have a thing about cut flowers being sent. I don't think it really brings any sort of comfort as then they die and you throw them out. I have gotten a living plant, actually a small tree, at the passing of my MIL that we planted and enjoyed the spring flowers on it. More positive about a sad event, IMHO.

I once got sort of sympathy card from a so called friend as I was in the middle of chemo for breast cancer. Had no hair and surgery to remove the "bad" breast and this card wasn't very funny so I immediately threw it out. Haven't heard from or spoken to this person again. That was 4 years ago. Great, right!!!???

[Yardlie]

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@wagirl wrote:

Yes I do send only a card most times. I have a thing about cut flowers being sent. I don't think it really brings any sort of comfort as then they die and you throw them out. I have gotten a living plant, actually a small tree, at the passing of my MIL that we planted and enjoyed the spring flowers on it. More positive about a sad event, IMHO.

I once got sort of sympathy card from a so called friend as I was in the middle of chemo for breast cancer. Had no hair and surgery to remove the "bad" breast and this card wasn't very funny so I immediately threw it out. Haven't heard from or spoken to this person again. That was 4 years ago. Great, right!!!???

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@wagirl ... I would say that whoever sent you a "sympathy" card while you were undergoing treatment for cancer was someone who was not very intelligent. I think she interpreted "sympathy" as feeling sorry for what you were going through.

[Rosebud 06]

I have never heard of sending money to the family of the deceased. That is what insurance is for to pay for the funeral. If the person was a close friend or family member and I knew they didnot have insurance.then I would give money. Since I am Catholic  we usually give mass cards to the person who was Catholic.

[Bridgegal]

Wow, I've never heard of such a thing.  I actuallly gasped when I read the part about inclosing money.  To me that is so tacky.  Donation to charity, yes.  Money with a sympathy card, NO.

[20sally]

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@Bridgegal wrote:

Wow, I've never heard of such a thing.  I actuallly gasped when I read the part about inclosing money.  To me that is so tacky.  Donation to charity, yes.  Money with a sympathy card, NO.

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I never heard of that either. Big NO.

[Daysdee]

I think "just" sending a sympathy card is perfectly acceptable particularly if the deceased person and family are not close friends.  For close friends, I would send a donation in the person's memory.  As far as sending cash, I think many times Catholics may send money in the card which would be "for masses " .    I think sending cards is very thoughtful and much appreciated by the bereaved.

[ROMARY]

Nothing wrong, and perfectly right, to send a nice card with a very heartfelt wrtten note.  Sometimes that is just as meaningful to the family than straight donations directly to a charity.  (Which I'm sure are greatly apprecated, too.)