Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@pdlinda wrote:
Thanks so much, ladies!! Such amazing advice from these boards! My birthday is coming up next week so I'm going to give myself the gift of getting this bracelet repaired so I can enjoy it for years to come.

This thread was really a blessing in disguise!! I inherited some beautiful jewelry from my mom that has been "laying there" in the draw, so this is my "wake-up call." I will start enjoying this jewelry even if just to go to the market or lunch with friends.

Thanks, again!!

@pdlinda....you go girl. Enjoy!

Edited to say, Happy Birthday!

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Susan Louise · ‎03-14-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
You are giving people what YOU think they want, not what they really want. Some peoppe just aren't good at selecting gifts for other people. So, stop giving "stuff" to people. As your yourself said, give them restaurant gift cards, movie passes, passs to museums or concerts or a stand ard gift card that they can use whenever/wherever they want. You can also ask people what they want. I do that with my sisters for Brithdays and Christmas; they tell me what they want and I buy it. Yeah, there's no surprise in that but we are middled women, we don't need to be surprised. It's better to receive a gift we want.

@chrystaltree Well, my MIL picked out the Irish sweater...AND the color SHE wanted...

Susan Louise · ‎03-14-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
My gut feeling about someone saying "I'm saving it for good" or similar is that they don't like the object and/or don't want it, and aren't going to say so. They're trying to be polite when "caught out" by someone asking why they never wear/use whatever it is. That's my instinctual interpretation.

@Moonchilde That would make sense, however as I mentioned in my previous post to Chrystaltree, It was my MIL who picked out the sweater and the color for herself since we didn't know what to get her...

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@Susan Louise...you did what you felt was the right thing. Your intentions were good and kind. The heck what other people think.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
You are giving people what YOU think they want, not what they really want. Some peoppe just aren't good at selecting gifts for other people. So, stop giving "stuff" to people. As your yourself said, give them restaurant gift cards, movie passes, passs to museums or concerts or a stand ard gift card that they can use whenever/wherever they want. You can also ask people what they want. I do that with my sisters for Brithdays and Christmas; they tell me what they want and I buy it. Yeah, there's no surprise in that but we are middled women, we don't need to be surprised. It's better to receive a gift we want.

If we're going to folow all these resrictions, we should just give cash....which is always welcomed!

Gift cards might be, or might not be redeemed ( I use the ones I receive).....it seems many of them are not, or part of the value is used, and then the cards are thrown out if only a small amount remains.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I grew up surrounded by family members who had cherished items saved back for good. All of them had a dresser drawer of these special items, which were mainly pajamas, nightgowns, robes, and new underwear waiting for that unexpected hospital stay, the unopened packages of hosiery, scarves, pretty sweaters with fancy buttons, fancy shawls, and the special jewelry. Not to mention the special linens, dishes, etc.

My mother had a very special dress for spring and summer events, a kick pleat skirt, and sweater set for fall and winter events. If those items were seen on her bed, with her gold jewelry laid out on the dresser, and her chocolate brown alligator pumps and matching purse visible, it was a sure sign she and Daddy were going somewhere special. We ate off the melamine plates when it was the 5 of us and one of our friends who was visiting, but if other family members or the preacher was coming to eat with us, I was to set the table with the breakable dishes and the silverware in the wooden box.

My maternal grandmother had many blood clot issues thru her 60's, and spent weeks at a time in the hospital. She actually stored all of her "saved for good" gowns, robes and underwear in a small suitcase, which we grabbed right away and took to the hospital. A hospital stay was the only time these saved items were ever worn, and once she came home, everything was washed, dried, and packed back into the suitcase for next time.

When my grandmother moved into the personal care home and we sold her property, more than 80% of her saved for good items went to the dump. Some had drawn moisture and mildewed, some dry rotted or were destroyed by moths, or mice. Being involved in tossing those special things my grandmother was so proud of, made me determined to use all of my stuff, and have nothing "saved for good".

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@mstyrion 1 wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
There are a number of issues involved here:

A) When you give someone a gift, it is a gift. It is theirs to do with as they wish. The moment you give it, it has nothing more to do with you. It is the gifting part that was important. At that moment, it is theirs, so it shouldn't make you angry or hurt no matter what they do with it. THe classic example we've talked about many times is food. People make food, give it to someone, then are furious to think that they threw it away or didn't eat it. So they didn't "gift" it to someone in that case.

B) People try to give others something they wouldn't have thought of giving themselves. This sentence is self-explanatory. . . LOL!!

C) People "surprise" other with something. "Surprise" is not always a good thing.

ASK someone exactly what they want and give it to them or give them a gift card. PERIOD. We all have a lot of stuff (most of us more stuff than room) and in today's world, it's the only way to gift.

I am not intending any of this at the OP in particular. I'm recounting information from a lot of threads over the years I've been here. Collective wisdom from our posters says a gift is to make the person receiving it happy. If it comes with strings, demands or expectations from the giver it is FOR the giver's happiness, not the happiness of the gifted person.
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This is not really the point of the thread. We're not talking about unwanted or disliked gifts.

We are talking about the behavior of "saving for good". The gift is probably cherished to the point the receiver feels it should be saved for a special occasion. Sometimes the occasion never comes. It seems to be a behavior most prominent in older folks.

Two totally different issues.

My point is that if the person wants to save the gift for good, it shouldn't matter to the gift giver. That's what the person getting the gift wants to do with it. After you give the gift, it is no longer your concern about what they do with it. Maybe they hate it and threw it away and are just saying that to be kind. Maybe they enjoy keeping stuff "for good." It's up to them.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@shaggygirl wrote:
I'm guilty of that in a different way. I have a few beautiful tea cups and saucers that belonged to my grandmother. I save them "for good", like if company is here and someone wants a cup of tea. Why I deny myself the pleasure of using them when I'm drinking tea by myself I have no clue. I keep using the same three old ones that have chips on the saucer edges and one of the tea cups has a chip on the lip.

Keep them and don't use them! You'd feel terrible if one got broken!!!! It's your stuff! Do what makes you feel good with them.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@RedTop wrote:
I grew up surrounded by family members who had cherished items saved back for good. All of them had a dresser drawer of these special items, which were mainly pajamas, nightgowns, robes, and new underwear waiting for that unexpected hospital stay, the unopened packages of hosiery, scarves, pretty sweaters with fancy buttons, fancy shawls, and the special jewelry. Not to mention the special linens, dishes, etc.

My mother had a very special dress for spring and summer events, a kick pleat skirt, and sweater set for fall and winter events. If those items were seen on her bed, with her gold jewelry laid out on the dresser, and her chocolate brown alligator pumps and matching purse visible, it was a sure sign she and Daddy were going somewhere special. We ate off the melamine plates when it was the 5 of us and one of our friends who was visiting, but if other family members or the preacher was coming to eat with us, I was to set the table with the breakable dishes and the silverware in the wooden box.

My maternal grandmother had many blood clot issues thru her 60's, and spent weeks at a time in the hospital. She actually stored all of her "saved for good" gowns, robes and underwear in a small suitcase, which we grabbed right away and took to the hospital. A hospital stay was the only time these saved items were ever worn, and once she came home, everything was washed, dried, and packed back into the suitcase for next time.

When my grandmother moved into the personal care home and we sold her property, more than 80% of her saved for good items went to the dump. Some had drawn moisture and mildewed, some dry rotted or were destroyed by moths, or mice. Being involved in tossing those special things my grandmother was so proud of, made me determined to use all of my stuff, and have nothing "saved for good".

But on the other hand, your grandmother had nice dishes she was proud of because she didn't let you kids break them and you all didn't care what you were eating off of. And when she went to the hospital she felt better because she was nicely dressed.

I think many times saving things for good is only sensible. You have things put away that you are proud for others to see, or is a special occasion comes up, or if you don't want to wear them and lose them. I can't imagine not having special things that I save and don't wear every day. To me it would be sad not to have them and to have everything used and worn. I enjoy the comfort of always having a special outfit to wear (and I do wear them) or my best jewelry or china ready to use at a moment's notice. I hope those occasions come! But if they don't, I would have died with the expectation and happy anticipation of them.

mstyrion 1 · ‎09-18-2014

@Sooner wrote:
@shaggygirl wrote:
I'm guilty of that in a different way. I have a few beautiful tea cups and saucers that belonged to my grandmother. I save them "for good", like if company is here and someone wants a cup of tea. Why I deny myself the pleasure of using them when I'm drinking tea by myself I have no clue. I keep using the same three old ones that have chips on the saucer edges and one of the tea cups has a chip on the lip.
Keep them and don't use them! You'd feel terrible if one got broken!!!! It's your stuff! Do what makes you feel good with them.

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Yes, keep them and don't use them.

Your relatives can pack them up and give them away when you are dead. (eyeroll)

To deny yourself the pleasure of using these cups because they might break is the ultimate in pessimism. I would use them every day and think fond thoughts of my grandmother while I enjoyed my tea.

~Enough is enough~