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Super Contributor
Posts: 449
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Another issue of funny one-liners-ENJOY!

A friend emailed these to me recently and I thought they were Community Chat-worthy:

 

 

 

 

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. (John Glenn)

 

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. (Betsy Salkind)

 

The only reason they say "Women and children first" is to test the strength of the lifeboats.  (Jean Kerr)

 

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. (Prince Phillip)

 

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. (Spike Milligan)

 

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. (Jean Rostand)

 

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

   

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. (WH Auden)

 

In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked (Jonathan Katz)

 

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. (Johnny Carson)

 

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. Warren Tantum)

 

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. (Steve Martin)

 

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is (Jimmy Durante)

 

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. (George Roberts)

 

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport. (Jonathan Winters)

 

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. (Robert Benchley)

 

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. (David Letterman)

 

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire. (Howard Hughes)

 

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. (old Italian proverb)

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 463
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Another issue of funny one-liners-ENJOY!

The last one is my absolute favorite!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,111
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: Another issue of funny one-liners-ENJOY!

I love the Letterman quote !

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan