Book Club

[KathyPet]

For any posters here who are reaching the point where they have fewer years ahead of them then behind them.  THe book is called "Being Mortal" and it examines in depth the decisions that are made by the families and the affected person themselves  when faced with a serious life ending illness or chronic condition which will most,probably end in death.  AFter going through 5 months of this experience with my husband's cancer and death I found this book to be truly life changing.   I wish I had read it when he was sick and asked some of the questions this doctor says we should be asking in the event of a serious illness.  I might have made some different choices.  I have read the book once and intend to read it again more slowly the second time through it.  THen I,will have a conversation with my daughter who.holds my health care POA.  PLease read it if you are over 65.

[qualitygal]

I have it on reserve at the library. Thank you.

[shosh]

@qualitygal

the author is atul gawande, a surgeon and world renowned author. if you go to amazon site, put his name in search box, you should see his ''author's page''.

you can see if any of his other books may interest you too, this one is essentially about the way we deal with terminal illness. the others deal with other aspects of our medical care, especially surgical.

i also recommend ''the checklist manifesto'', for everyone who likes to read, and be informed about real ongoing issues that affect them and their health.

dr. gawande has spearheaded an international movement to improve basic surgical practices, which he describes in this book. i can't describe it in a way to do it justice...

@KathyPetif you haven't heard of the book ''when breath becomes air'' by paul kalanithi. you may be interested in that, if the topic is one you won't mind reading now. he was also a surgeon, and wrote this first person account of his own terminal illness. the book came out last year and for some people, can be a good companion book to ''being mortal''. many readers felt his book helped them deal with their own situations, it seems this dr. was an extrodinary person who shared his insight in a remarkable way.

[i am sorry for your loss kathy, i recall reading some of your posts back when your dh was in hospital, a very difficult road you traveled.]

although informative and enlightening, all of these topics can sometimes be distressing to read about.

[shosh]

@qualitygal
i see while i was writing, you edited your post, so you found the book- you may still wish to look up the author, and the other book i mentioned to kathypet.

[qualitygal]

@shosh, the author is on the sheet with the book title, I have to be out this a.m. and I'll stop by the library on my way home. Thanks!! I know I had the 2nd book you mentioned before too. Been awhile. Thanks.

[Lilysmom]

@KathyPet, thanks for posting.  I got it this morning,  LM

[KathyPet]

@shosh

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  I was just able to view the video of Being Mortal on Amazon.  IT really helped to put faces and voices to some of the patient stories in the book.  THe main issue,I faced with my DH's illness is that due to the tumor being on his central brain stem his ability to speak was severely compromised.  HE seemed to understand what we were telling him about his condition but was not able to communicate beyond nodding his head.  This made any in depth discussion about what HE wanted to have happen impossible.  THat left the decisions about his care totally up,to me.  When it became obvious that the antibiotics he was on to try to clear the lung infection were not,working and his doctors talked to me about stopping the drugs and putting him in hospice care I simply could not make that decision for him.  THere are so many possible outcomes and choices to be made  when faced with a serious illness that even if you have discussed this topic with your spouse you cannot possibly cover all the scenarios that can present themselves in any individual situation and to try to make those choices without clear input from the affected person was quite impossible.  So while I knew there would be no extreme measures like a ventilator I was not willing to stop his antibiotic treatment for the lung infection because I kept hoping the drugs would somehow magically start to work.  THat did not happen and eventually the lung infection took him but I felt that I needed to keep on fighting for him because I,do not think that I could have lived with the knowledge that I was the one who chose to discontinue the treatment and thus hasten his death.

[Lilysmom]

@KathyPet, I have lost 3 siblings.  Having the details discussed before illness is a good thing.  I have been in situations where this was done and where it wasn't.  It is better to have the knowledge than try to deal with it in times of great stress.  Having said that, I recognzie, as you point out, that these are still incredibly difficult decisions to make.

Thank you for posting.  I intend to have this discussion with my family doctor.  I have already had it with DH.  LM