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Mommy Monday! Everyone used to tell me "Isabella is good now, but wait until she hits the Terrible Two's!" My response was always "No way! She's going to be great!" Here's what I think about the "Terrible Two's".

I would like to pose that there is no such thing as the “Terrible Two’s”.

Most often this stage of life refers to the temper tantrums that plague all tots.  When Isabella was around two, she had her first real temper tantrum. I was pretty freaked out.  I tried to soothe her – didn’t work.  I tried to reason with her – didn’t work.  Then I pulled out the punishment card – a time out.  Surely, that would work – nope!  (I can’t even remember how the thing ended; but, by the end, I needed a time out!)

Izzy’s Terrible Two’s Temper Tantrum (or TTTT) got me thinking…

I have temper tantrums, too & I’m not TWO!  In fact, I realized that I’ve had them my whole life in one form or another!  Ouch!  The truth hurts.

After the truth smacked me on the forehead, two questions (and answers) came to mind:   #1 - If I’m a rational adult, who has learned coping skills through tough life circumstances, who has a strong vocabulary to express what I need, what hurts, & what I’m feeling, why in the world do I have temper tantrums?  (Oh, I know this one!!)  Because I’m human!  #2 (and a much more important question) - Why do I expect a two-year-old, who just is just beginning to experience struggles and frustrations, who has no idea, let alone the words, to express what she needs, how she feels, or what hurts not to have a TTTT?? (Oh, I know this one, too.)  Answer:  I shouldn’t!

My guess is you have temper tantrums, too. Of course, we don’t call them temper tantrums.  We just say we are “overworked”, “stressed-out”, “tired”, “frustrated”, “at the end of our rope” and any other name we have for our mini freak-outs.  But, the truth is they’re adult temper tantrums. 

Believe me, this revelation of my own humanness changed the way I parented Isabella.  A few months after this “come to Jesus” moment, Izzy and I were on our way into the hospital where I was having a follow-up mammogram.  Right there in the cavernous, echo-y entrance, Iz had a full-blown tantrum, and I had no idea why!  She was screaming her head off, kicking the floor. I felt people looking at me like I was a terrible mom and at her like she was a horrible child.  And in that moment, I chose to smile and be calm instead of being the crazed mom of the past.  I left our belongings on the floor, picked up my inconsolable child and calmly went outside.  It was quite amazing what my demeanor did for her and those strangers.  She calmed down rather quickly (maybe knowing it was okay to feel the way she was feeling).  And the harsh (and inaccurate) judgement in the eyes of those around me, disappeared.  Pretty amazing.

Now when the meltdowns come, instead of thinking Isabella is “misbehaving” or “doing this on purpose” or “she should know better”, I remember my own temper tantrums and give her space and grace.  Giving her, and me, the space and grace to have a temper tantrum now and again has been so freeing!

So, the next time we (you and me) expect our little ones (no matter what their age) to be tantrum-free, remember we have tantrums, too! 

Thus….I believe there is no such thing as the “Terrible Two’s”!