Beauty

[Margo Channing]

It's funny.  My friend and I were let go from our respective jobs within a year of each other.  I was a teacher and she worked in the non-profit sector in NYC and always wore suits, had her hair professionally colored, regular manis and pedis. I am a known skincare, make up and mani person and I generally slap some eyemake up and blush, get my nails done religiously.  It didn't change for me once I was a stay at home-- Heck, I consider it a public service!

However, once my friend stayed at home AND became a two time grandmother thanks to her son she stopped all make up, hair care, manis pedis.  She looks about 10 years older and just doesn't care.  I would NEVER ask her why she stopped all the maintenance but one day over tea she said "I'm nanna now and I don't have to bother".

If she was happy, I would support her decision, but I know it almost killed her to lose her job.  She chose not to look for another one and stays home except for occasional visits to her out of state son.  There is an underlying sadness in her every day and I believe she is still depressed about the job loss.

When I'm depressed I go for manis, pedis or a professional jb, but ~shrug~ to each their own. She' a beautiful person without make-up but she just doesn't care anymore.To each their own.

[cerinthe]

When I'm depressed (or not depressed,) I take the money saved from NOT having manis-pedis and donate it to a cause or person who is just barely surviving and having difficulty. 

It brings me great joy - not to mention inner and outer beauty, to know my money is going to provide food and care for a shelter animal, rehabilitation for a family who couldn't afford it after a medical crisis, basic health care needs for children in poverty around the world and many other causes.  I don't need my nails to be the latest shade of pink glitter this month.

I also feel AMAZING and glowing when I buy a bunch of flowers and give them out to random individuals I meet (especially elderly women who have spent their lives caring for everyone else.)  Or helping someone reach an item on a top shelf. Or paying a toll for the car behind me.

This is how I make myself beautiful and glow! I don't need color painted somewhere on my body so I look like pictures in a magazine: I HELP OTHERS AND I FEEL AND LOOK AMAZING.

And anyone who has the NERVE to say something like "oh look at her with the graying hair and no eyemakeup or botox, wow, she has 'let herself go'" will PROMPTLY get my finger. In a not so polite way.

AND THEN I'll donate money to a charity in their name in hopes that they see what REAL BEAUTY IS IN LIFE.

So sick of this judgment ladies. So sick of it.

Go travel to a third world country and see how people REALLY try and survive. And try and live with yourself after that. One where women have to walk miles each day just for vaguely clean water that they have to carry back via tubs and used plastic containers on their head. Over and over and over. And women who have no choice (because it doesn't exist in their area,) over when they have children.

Don't know who to donate your money to today? How about UNICEF or CARE or Girls-not-Brides or your local humane society/animal care facility/wildlife rescue center.

[Margo Channing]

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@cerinthe wrote:

When I'm depressed (or not depressed,) I take the money saved from NOT having manis-pedis and donate it to a cause or person who is just barely surviving and having difficulty. 

It brings me great joy - not to mention inner and outer beauty, to know my money is going to provide food and care for a shelter animal, rehabilitation for a family who couldn't afford it after a medical crisis, basic health care needs for children in poverty around the world and many other causes.  I don't need my nails to be the latest shade of pink glitter this month.

I also feel AMAZING and glowing when I buy a bunch of flowers and give them out to random individuals I meet (especially elderly women who have spent their lives caring for everyone else.)  Or helping someone reach an item on a top shelf. Or paying a toll for the car behind me.

This is how I make myself beautiful and glow! I don't need color painted somewhere on my body so I look like pictures in a magazine: I HELP OTHERS AND I FEEL AND LOOK AMAZING.

And anyone who has the NERVE to say something like "oh look at her with the graying hair and no eyemakeup or botox, wow, she has 'let herself go'" will PROMPTLY get my finger. In a not so polite way.

AND THEN I'll donate money to a charity in their name in hopes that they see what REAL BEAUTY IS IN LIFE.

So sick of this judgment ladies. So sick of it.

Go travel to a third world country and see how people REALLY try and survive. And try and live with yourself after that. One where women have to walk miles each day just for vaguely clean water that they have to carry back via tubs and used plastic containers on their head. Over and over and over. And women who have no choice (because it doesn't exist in their area,) over when they have children.

Don't know who to donate your money to today? How about UNICEF or CARE or Girls-not-Brides or your local humane society/animal care facility/wildlife rescue center.

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Does that halo ever give you a headache?

Wh do you asume that people who care about their apperance don't care about others nor are not philanthropic?  Frankly, your attitude is more offensive than anything the OP wrote.

[Sister Golden Hair]

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@151949 wrote:

I know so many women who move to Florida for the gorgeous weather -- then won't go out side because the sun will age them. Seriously?

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@151949 Seriously, have you had skin cancer?

I have with a scar from my ear to my chin.

Don't judge someone if you don't know them, Seriously!

[Pook]

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lyn61 wrote:est

My husband and I don't need to worry what others think....I work fulltime and I enjoy the weekends not having to worry about what shall I wear put on makeup etc... Do you really think people at the store are going to remember us dressed in sweat pants or no makeup on?????????  I find people like you fake...Sorry...

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It sounds like you may be the fake one - worrying what you shall wear, put on makeup etc.  for work which says to me you do this to look good at work for others and don't particularly care to do this for yourself when no one sees you (nothing more fake than that)!!!  The posts from many here who care about how we feel and look don't do it for anyone but ourselves.  Who cares what anyone thinks of how I look.  If I don't feel my best I have started down the path of not caring which causes me to feel blah and yucky!!.  I want that feel good feeling every day even when cleaning, painting, mowing the grass or just sitting by myself and I do it for ME and no one else!!!  Nothing fake in that!!!

[violann]

I'm over 70. I love to look nice, enjoy wearing clothes my DH likes (I could live in jeans and a sweatshirt), love jewelry, etcetcetcetc.

But what I CARE about is music, children's and animal rights, and human rights in general.

I never felt as though I had "competitive" looks, and I certainly don't think so now.

[SahmIam]

 oops

[SahmIam]

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@cerinthe wrote:

When I'm depressed (or not depressed,) I take the money saved from NOT having manis-pedis and donate it to a cause or person who is just barely surviving and having difficulty. 

It brings me great joy - not to mention inner and outer beauty, to know my money is going to provide food and care for a shelter animal, rehabilitation for a family who couldn't afford it after a medical crisis, basic health care needs for children in poverty around the world and many other causes.  I don't need my nails to be the latest shade of pink glitter this month.

I also feel AMAZING and glowing when I buy a bunch of flowers and give them out to random individuals I meet (especially elderly women who have spent their lives caring for everyone else.)  Or helping someone reach an item on a top shelf. Or paying a toll for the car behind me.

This is how I make myself beautiful and glow! I don't need color painted somewhere on my body so I look like pictures in a magazine: I HELP OTHERS AND I FEEL AND LOOK AMAZING.

And anyone who has the NERVE to say something like "oh look at her with the graying hair and no eyemakeup or botox, wow, she has 'let herself go'" will PROMPTLY get my finger. In a not so polite way.

AND THEN I'll donate money to a charity in their name in hopes that they see what REAL BEAUTY IS IN LIFE.

So sick of this judgment ladies. So sick of it.

Go travel to a third world country and see how people REALLY try and survive. And try and live with yourself after that. One where women have to walk miles each day just for vaguely clean water that they have to carry back via tubs and used plastic containers on their head. Over and over and over. And women who have no choice (because it doesn't exist in their area,) over when they have children.

Don't know who to donate your money to today? How about UNICEF or CARE or Girls-not-Brides or your local humane society/animal care facility/wildlife rescue center.

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Pot, meet kettle.

[cerinthe]

Why do "you" (aka: readers of this thread,) feel that people (actually, the posters here have specified women in particular, not 'people' nor included 'men' in this discussion, so let me continue with the sexist and ageist trend by stating 'women'...)

Why do "you" (or any poster here,) have a right to judge or say that women who don't meet "your" standard of 'caring for themselves' have 'let themselves go'? That's what this thread about, and my post was the equally strong opinionated response to it.

[I have seen a few posts here that discuss depression or a depressing of the spirit of the person, which to me, is a valid discussion about depression. But 'letting yourself go' is generally targeting a physical appearance and change in that appearance of a woman. Usually an older woman.]

I find it disappointing that basic decent human behavior is considered worthy of a "halo." When did the world change where being responsible and caring for one's world and neighbors/family and making yourself happy/loving yourself and others, is somehow considered "saintly" and worthy of some special recognition?  This type of behavior should be the norm, not the exception. I'm certainly not an exceptional person, but if others live in such a world where this behavior is considered somehow exceptional, then I encourage you to get out of that world! Join the norm of just being nice to people around you.

I also find it disappointing that I'm criticized for giving examples of how women can make themselves glow, feel confident and proud of themselves and their appearance and actions, by explaining what works for me.  I guess it makes some people feel threatened, but I don't want you to feel threatened. We should all be in this together, rather than going out of our way to foster unnecessary, useless and aggressive judgments such as "she's let herself go."  Instead of spending 5 minutes on evaluating all aspects of how a woman has 'let herself go' why not spend 5 minutes volunteering? Doing something unasked for and nice for someone else or a neighbor? Is that so difficult to do?

Rather than comply with society's (shallow-oriented,) norms, I would like to see women take that power and time back into their lives and make real change happen. There are really better things to do than respond to this thread, for all of us including me.  I shouldn't have risen to the bait and I take full responsibility for that.