O/T opinion on husbands 50th birthday without me - Page 2

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

I am usually in a minority when it comes to Birthdays, Anniversary's, and other celebrations.

To me it's silly for adults to get upset over these celebrations or lack of celebrations. Every day is special and just like all of the other ones.

What is important is relationships. How we treat each other every day, not just on special days is what's most important.

I would just wish your husband a Happy Birthday and let him celebrate his day the way he wants to. You can always have dinner and cake on another day and celebrate with the whole family. It's not the date on the calendar that's important. Pick another day to celebrate and be thankful you have each other and your children.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@Beautiful life wrote:

we as a family spent all our birthdays together. I know our son will feel left out knowing its dads birthday and we won't be going out as a family as usual. That's why i will take him somewhere. He loves family birthdays, going out to dinner and celebrating.

Thanks for for your options.

@Beautiful life That discussion should have happened when your DH first brought up the idea of going to the game. It is what it is now. Your son will take his cues from you. Put the positive spin on it, for his sake. Let him know that birthdays don't always get celebrated on the exact date, but that you'll have a family thing on a different day.

susan kay · ‎06-28-2011

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Feelings are feelings. I'll bet we've all done something similar.....where someone asks if you mind, and you say "no", but then after thinking about it, might have different feelings.

Having said that, and, not knowing your husband, I'm wondering what this birthday means to him. Is he at all concerned about turning 50, or is it not a really big deal? It will be nice that he's doing something he really enjoys on his birthday, and doing it with his daughter. Maybe you could talk with him and tell him how you would really like to have a family celebration for his 50th birthday and the two of you could figure out what all of you could do to celebrate! Let him know that his 50th birthday is important to YOU. Maybe if you did something as a family the weekend before, you wouldn't feel badly that he's gone on his birthday.

Hey, write how this all works out.

Dazlin · ‎03-14-2010

You say, if you told him it bothered you, he wouldn't go. That being said, I'm thinking he really doesn't mean any insult. Maybe just so happenes to be this game falls out on his big FIVE O. Think of it as a gift from yourself..no hard feelings, not feeling left out. Do it to please him. I would let him know you'll miss him, and want to celebrate his special birthday with him. Maybe consider a dinner the night before..with the kids too??

I see men are like old boys...they get all hyped up about doing what they like, and don't always consider our feelings. One thing..at least he's not throwing himself a BIG party..he just wants to see this hockey game...oh well.

If it makes you feel any better, I'll tell you what my husband did on his 50th,...He went out with all his co-workers, both women and men, to bar, restaurant, came home many hours later, DRUNK!. I stayed home with the kids! But, I still took him and my family to a fancy country club dinner that weekend. Gotta look at their heart...take care, and shrug it off

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Beautiful life wrote:
My husband and daughter are going to a hockey game on my husbands 50th birthday. Our son and I are not going due to my physical limitations and our son doesn't enjoy the game. It's a night game so there will be no celebrating his birthday with myself or our son. He could of picked a different day, he did ask me if I would mind and I said no but after thinking about it I feel insulted. I feel like he would want to celebrate his birthday with all of us. So after work he and our daughter are going to the game. I will probably go somewhere with our 7 year old.

How would you feel? If I told him it bothered me, he wouldn't go but wouldn't you think for yourself your leaving out 1/2 your family on a big birthday year?

He goes once a year with our daughter, it's a birthday present from his friend/ co worker.

It's a once a year thing, and it makes him happy, so I think that's great.

He DID ask your opinion, and you basically gave him your permission, so stand by your word.

Like others have suggested, nothing is stopping you from having another day with cake and maybe a gag gift or a board game that the family can enjoy in the future. Pick another day and have a "surprise party" with your son helping.

One more thing ...... maybe when people ask your opinion if you'd mind something, tell them you'd like to think about it and let them know ... I really don't understand how you went from "not minding" to "feeling insulted", but I guess you need to give yourself some wiggle room.

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

Well, it is hard telling other people how to feel, but you did ask.

Your hubby asked you and you said no. You made a choice, and now you regret it. Be sad for for that choice, not mad at your hubby.

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

Could be that he's having "trouble" facing 50......and doesn't want any celebration? (I've been thru that situation with my late husband).

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Campion · ‎10-21-2011

Look at it from his point of view: he got a very nice present. He and the daughter will have alone time--that is very good for parent-child bonding. You can't go anyway, son doesn't want to. And it's something he enjoys--hockey.

Why don't you have a little get together or dinner planned for the weekend--and make a cake. So it isn't The Day. It's the 50th. You can have the "you're over the hill" theme (tombstone cake, gag gifts like Depends and Geritol) or you can make it sweet and meaningful but have it at home and celebrate. I'll bet it would be fun and it would be better than you stewing at home, to have a plan instead. And then the entire family can enjoy your husband's half century mark.

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

There are 364 other days in a year, and you're being hurt because of one. Are you jealous that your daughter is involved, but not you? Knowing that he had these plans for a while, why didn't you plan a family celebration for the weekend before the game? The fact that you're planning to do "something special" with your son tells me you're going to do it out of spite - I hope your son isn't feeling your annoyance. You should be treating it as a normal evening for his sake. Saying too much or letting him see your annoyance might very well turn him against his Father - or maybe even you.

I grew up with a Mother who resented my closeness to my Dad and let it show in so many ways. Children don't forget. I'm 81 and I still remember those feelings, and she and I could never be very close because of it.