Among Friends

[pggoody]

When you were dating your significant other , did he give you cards on special occasions?  Or if not, did he ever do cute romantic gestures.?  ? I know some men are more romantic than others......but how do you view a man (30)  that says he " just doesn't do cards.....sees no need . He definitely lacks in the romance department. I would think a card would be an easy way to express himself. Seeing friends getting these kind of things does not help.  it does not have to be over the top,kind of stuff but what do you think....... Can a guy change? 

[Zhills]

Can a guy change?  Yes

Will a guy change?   No!

[hoosieroriginal]

I think it is rare to find someone like that.  I think that's why I've been single for 24 years - If I want something, I get it for myself.  Not depending on someone to decide if I deserve it or not.  Men are romantic until they get what they want, then it's all downhill from there - just my experience.  I think it's a red flag if he says those things don't mean anything to him - shows he's self-centered.  And no, those type of persons can't change. 

[Peaches McPhee]

I think the man is showing you his true self, and it is up to you to take it or leave it. If he is lacking in an area that you feel is important, move on to someone who better meets your needs.  

Don't try to "change" him.  He is fine the way he is, and doesn't warrent your intervention.

[CalminHeart]

A man that doesn't do cards or anything to make his gf or wife feel loved and special is selfish and lazy.  I don't expect a lot but it's important that each person in a relationship meet the other's needs too. This guy will never put a gf or wife first.  Huge Red Flag.   It will get worse as time goes buy.   Run!

[Annabellethecat66]

My late husband was amazing.  Every birthday he hosted a birthday party for family and friends to help me celebrate my birthday.  He always took the day off (38 years of birthdays together).  We shopped for whatever present I wanted.  Birthdays, Valentine's Day.  On every special day he brought flowers to myself and my three daughters.  He was a special man.

[Sweet_Serenity]

Seems reading through the lines of the post, You know the answer.

[jlkz]

Met my future husband my first week on the job.  He had a key stressful job second shift job running the main computer for billing and went to college full time in the day.  He graduated summa ****** laude in 3 years and the following month started law school and we got married.

Don't remember getting cards but that was never important to me.  He made me feel special always.  Right after we were married, I remember sitting down at the desk to do something....I opened a book and there was a pale yellow folded piece of paper.  On it he had written me a piece of poetry based on a Keats poem he had studied in an English literature class.

50 years later, I still have that paper under glass...no need for cards.

 I have kept a number of birthday and anniversary cards over the years.  Finally I said enough: let's just pick one of the earlier cards and write in something new.   Life does get easier in some ways !

[Pook]

The natural progression of most relationships is lots of romance, cards, etc but after you get to know someone. to me ,it's the little kindnesses that he does for me that mean the most.  Just a hug or soft kiss when he knows your day has been awful.  Doing the dishes when I do the cooking shows he cares.  Things like that are far more romantic to me.  I think a man who is upfront about such things could be a keeper if he treats you with love and respect.  I know many women who constantly are bombarded with cards, flowers, gifts but they end up doing everything and get no help whatsover and their men do as they please and think it's enough to through a few things at their mate. That is a true selfish person to me.  It depends on the situation. 

[pattypeep]

My dh is the least romantic guy on the planet. It's in his genes. His dad was the same way (according to my SIL) and his brother the same. I came into the marriage not expecting change and just accepting who he is. That was going on 24 years ago. If you don't expect it, you're not disappointed.