Among Friends

[NicksmomESQ]

          Can someone change? Yes. Will they change? Maybe,but there are no guarantees!!

   I come from a very demonstrative family. My husband came from a family that was more reserved.When we first met we were drawn to eachother immediately.We had a great time together.

  The first Valentine's Day we spent together was a Sunday.We had spent the night before at his mom's house.He got up early & went downstairs to put up a pot of coffee.His mom was in the kitchen & asked him what he bought me for Valentine's Day? His response was "nothing".His mom was appalled.She set him straight.He went out, bought candy,flowers & a card.They were waiting for me at the edge of the bed when I woke up!!  My MIL told me years later that she wasn't about to let her son "screw up the only relationship he had that put a sparkle in his eye"!!  She said she regretted not teaching her son's by example when they were younger.

  That was 38 years ago!! We have been married for 36 wonderful years!! My DH is loving, faithful, considerate & attentive.He is not happy unless I'm happy & visa versa!! 

   I heard once that you can tell what kind of husband a man will be by the way he treats his mother.My husband was a wonderful son!! His mom was a wonderful mother!! I'm a very lucky wife & mother!!

[CelticCrafter]

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@janeec wrote:

My husband is not overly romantic.  He does cards once in a while, he says flowers are a waste.  Do I wish I had these things? Yes. But the most important thing is he is faithful, hardworking, and will go out of his way to take care of me.  What is more important?  He was like that when we were dating, and it's 36 years of marraige so far.  

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^ This.  We have a good life and we will be married 41 years in April.

[pggoody]

Thanks  for all the posts. Read through all of them .  Made for some interesting reading.  Relationships work because both individuals make an effort to make " things" work.  Each must stay unique and be their own person. But I do feel  we can all use a " tweak" here and there...... Especially if we know it makes our partner happy.  ( ie.... I dnot eat meat but cook it for my SO because it's his favorite, often go watch war /action dramas rather than my preferred  "chick flick" , sit through hours of sporting events even though I might not really care to....and I don't complain.... Having a willingness to try new things because it makes our partners happy......   .. Etc...

[ECBG]

I have one of the most thoughtful husbands.  He's just always been very caring and loving.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@pggoody wrote:

Thanks  for all the posts. Read through all of them .  Made for some interesting reading.  Relationships work because both individuals make an effort to make " things" work.  Each must stay unique and be their own person. But I do feel  we can all use a " tweak" here and there...... Especially if we know it makes our partner happy.  ( ie.... I dnot eat meat but cook it for my SO because it's his favorite, often go watch war /action dramas rather than my preferred  "chick flick" , sit through hours of sporting events even though I might not really care to....and I don't complain.... Having a willingness to try new things because it makes our partners happy......   .. Etc...

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@pggoody

Based on your comments in posts #1 and  #63, it looks like you're doing ALL the giving and are receiving very little in return.    What is it that makes you think this is a good relationship?

It appears that you think he's your SO, but it appears that to him, yet you're merely his Friend with Benefits ..... 

 period.    JMO

Why are you willing to settle for so little?  Why are you willing to accomodate him and do things you don't even like ......  and not only is this guy NOT romantic, but he can't even be bothered to spring for a lousey card?    

IMO, you need to run ... and don't look back!   None of us are getting any younger, and life is too short to waste time on substandard men! 

[Katcat1]

If you are looking for husband material you want someone that is considerate and remembers your birthday, etc.  Why should you be the only one remembering? 

[RedTop]

My husband of 42 years is not romantic; he probably wouldn't even try to spell the word, let alone try to be one.   I'm quite okay with that, as I wasn't looking for those specific traits in a husband.   

We are retired, but I live with a solid hard working family man, Mr Fix-it, and a great father to his daughters.   My husband has always been a great provider for his family.

My husband rarely gives me cards, and the one time he bought me roses my response was "what's up with this"?  Flowers are truly wasted on me.   I can always count on my husband for the occasional surprise of a York peppermint patty or a Reese's peanut butter egg, and him still remembering the simplest of things that make me happy is all that matters to me.   

[Happiness Is Inside JOB]

My advice or as we say 2 cents (for what it is worth), if romance is important to YOU lease do not settle just to get married or be in a relationship.

I can tell you, I Did that and as time goes by you always wonder what could have been if you kept looking for the best person for you. I regret settling not every day but enough to know I made a mistake.

[Mary Bailey]

I've been wtih DH 36 years, 5 years dating. 

yes he did cards, silly, sexy cards, flowers etc for no reason at all 

now, nope -  just holidays.

can a guy change yes......  sigh

[Q4u]

After four years engaged to a an extremely romantic man (flowers for no reason, cards, gifts, etc.) AND four years of infidelity, lies and sketchy behavior ... I decided I would rather be alone and take care of myself than to have this man around.  I broke it off.

It was after this decision that I met my DH.... who is honest, ethical, hard working and showed me early that although he would give me a card for a special occasion, his way of being romantic was taking apart my dual carburetors (my old '62 Corvair) and working on them all day long~!  He's shown me over our nearly 40 years together that romance is what you make it and think it is and I know for a fact that I'm first and foremost on his mind and in his heart....