Re: What can I do for my friend?

Another new name Sue · ‎03-11-2010

I don't completely agree that people are seeking advice. Unless they say they are looking for advice, they are usually just looking for someone to unload on, to vent. That gets old after a while. I try not to offer advice unless requested. Just listen and sympathize.

Sounds like the OP got her feelings hurt when she had issues of her own. I understand that. Maybe it's time to back off from this friend somewhat. I have little tolerance for the lashing out. I don't like to be used that way.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

Your friend doesn't sound like the type who would actually listen to you.

What shocks me, is that someone with a son & daughter-in-law who are DOCTORS.....would do something as foolish as going to a home party for a medical procedure.

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

I think your friend is scared to death about her daughter's health right now. I would leave her to deal with that until her daughter gets her health back or gets to a place where she has more answers.

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

Daughter is 45 years old/friend lives 3,000 miles away/physicians in the family? Not much you can do other than what you are now doing.

You have/had your own serious health problems and should get 100% well yourself. You don't need this mental drama effecting your own COMPLETE recovery for sure.

That is my answer to your question in this thread's title.

hckynut(john)

nun ya · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
I think your friend is scared to death about her daughter's health right now. I would leave her to deal with that until her daughter gets her health back or gets to a place where she has more answers.

I agree. She is probably not only lashing out on you, but others as well. That is her reaction to be stressed and worried. I woud have limited contact until it is resolved.

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
I guess I'm upset by my friend's attacks because of some of her reactions to problems I had. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer several years ago she said, "You're lucky because you have the good cancer." It sure didn't feel that way but I didn't say anything because she meant well. When I was diagnosed with MRSA she actually wrote, "Goody! You have a diagnosis." Again, I kept quiet because I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I suppose I was hoping for her to be a little more tolerant of my remarks. I guess I wound up on that road to you-know-where with my good intentions.

This would make this person to me? A FORMER friend and since she is 3,000 away? Would never hear from this old man again.

I had a person I considered a friend that needed my ear and advice when he had health issues. When I spent over 3 weeks in the hospital with a bleeding colon? He didn't have time to hear about my long adventure..

He quickly became a FORMER friend. When he called for me to see what advice I had to offer? "Sorry Mark, I'm busy". E-mails to me? "Mark, don't have time for you" Message delivered and he, GOT IT.

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)

Mustang Shar · ‎03-24-2010

I bet WAIVERS are signed by all the party participants to protect the provider. They do it at their own risk. In addition, because it was a cosmetic procedure, health insurance may not cover it. But her Physician brother could fix all this.

This so called friend, isn't really a friend IMO. To say the things she said about your serious health issues? She's not worthy of your friendship. She seriously doesn't know just how selfish she is, be DONE with her. You don't need to keep up the habit. Hugs!

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
I guess I'm upset by my friend's attacks because of some of her reactions to problems I had. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer several years ago she said, "You're lucky because you have the good cancer." It sure didn't feel that way but I didn't say anything because she meant well. When I was diagnosed with MRSA she actually wrote, "Goody! You have a diagnosis." Again, I kept quiet because I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I suppose I was hoping for her to be a little more tolerant of my remarks. I guess I wound up on that road to you-know-where with my good intentions.

Based on this post, as well as the original, I'm going to say that your friend, really isn't much of one.

Her daughter brought this on herself, and while any mother would be worried and upset, need to vent, and perhaps look for advice, your friend is really out of line. Don't burden other's with your meanness when you feel overwhelmed. It isn't your problem, you are trying to be supportive and helpful, but she is only worried about her worries and moods.

The whole world doesn't revolve around us. Others have problems as well, even if we don't think they are as bad as ours, but your 'friend' appears to me to be selfish and if it were me, I'd just keep the conversations with this person rather short and shallow.

She seems like she wants to unload on you and get your sympathy, but isn't really willing to give you the same level of support that she is looking for.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
I guess I'm upset by my friend's attacks because of some of her reactions to problems I had. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer several years ago she said, "You're lucky because you have the good cancer." It sure didn't feel that way but I didn't say anything because she meant well. When I was diagnosed with MRSA she actually wrote, "Goody! You have a diagnosis." Again, I kept quiet because I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I suppose I was hoping for her to be a little more tolerant of my remarks. I guess I wound up on that road to you-know-where with my good intentions.

Vivian, I fear your friendship is a little lopsided and you don't seem to realize it. She obviously doesn't want to get involved with your issues . . . only her own and then criticizes your advice.

I used to have a friend like that . . . emphasis on used to.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
I guess I'm upset by my friend's attacks because of some of her reactions to problems I had. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer several years ago she said, "You're lucky because you have the good cancer." It sure didn't feel that way but I didn't say anything because she meant well. When I was diagnosed with MRSA she actually wrote, "Goody! You have a diagnosis." Again, I kept quiet because I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I suppose I was hoping for her to be a little more tolerant of my remarks. I guess I wound up on that road to you-know-where with my good intentions.

Sorry, but your "friend" sounds nothing like my definition of a "friend." You deserve better....