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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,394
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

I tried reconnecting with a high school friend and it was just uncomfortable. She turned into a sketchy person. Glad we met at a restaurant and not my home. The opposite happened with cousins. Best decision ever. We have so much fun and provide real support and respect.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,981
Registered: ‎03-05-2011

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

@Nataliesgramma  I always tell people that have degrees and think they are so smart that all the degrees in the world cannot teach you common sense!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

Sad when this happens. You pursued this relationship with good intentions and your cousin could have discovered a good family friend. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like she understands her behavior.

 

I planned a reconnection with an older cousin when I passed through her town. Our moms are sisters and I thought it was a good idea at the time. (tick, tock, tick, tock) As husband and I drove away from our reunion and on to our destination I said -- I am so sorry. There's 3 hours of our lives we'll never get back.... Good intentions don't have to be repeated. Kudos to you for trying.  

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...


@CelticCrafter wrote:

I would tell her you aren't able to make it this summer, no other explanation and then let the relationship dwindle and die.

 

Don't let her pull you into the family drama.


I agree.  The less said the better.  There's no point in going into detail.  She's only recently back in your life, she is who she is, and nothing good will come from getting into a back and forth with her.

 

The two of you reconnected, and you realized that she's not someone you want in your life.  That's your right.  So I agree that you should decline the summer invitation by simply saying it's not going to work for you, and then let the relationship fade away.

 

I'm sorry this ended up being disappointing.  But it's better to surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

[ Edited ]

@pattypeep wrote:

@Nataliesgramma I would tell her right away that you won't be able to make it this summer. You don't need a reason. I'm always scolding my dh for "making up" an excuse why he can't do this or that. I tell him to say "I'm sorry we won't be able to attend" and let it go at that. No need to fib. I add that a polite person doesn't say "well, why not?" After getting out of the summer deal, back out slowly or she'll be coming to visit you next.

Practice Compassion-mndy2367


 

That's exactly right.  If you provide an explanation, it opens the door to a discussion.  If a discussion is not what you want, then don't explain!  No one can force you to say more than you want to say.  All they need to know is that it's not happening.  Short and sweet, and not up for discussion.  :-)

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,279
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

@Nataliesgramma   I think there is an easy solution:  don't call her and don't email her.   She will eventually get the message.  And don't bring up the summer cabin stay if you do talk to her.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,632
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

I find myself in similar situations wanting to "UNconnect" from people I used to be so closely connected. I have 1 friend who wants to talk politics too much. I do not discuss politics with ANYONE, it's 1 thing I refuse to talk about. We have been "distanced" for awhile now, but I do try to call her at least once a week, since her husband recently passed. I feel she needs communication, but once she starts in on politics, I have to hang up. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,140
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

[ Edited ]

Tell her the truth.

You do not need to figure out a way of not going.

Tell her the truth, you have reconsidered the issue and decided not to go.

You do not have to give an explanation other than the one stated above.

She must accept your decision.

She will have to deal with it and you need to deal with it too.

 

But

If she insists, and you feel you owe her a reason, then tell her the truth, you do not like her, not comfortable concerning her and/or matters.

And if she rants and raves, tell her that all the degrees she has does not make her street smart, and your street smarts tell you the visit is a no, no.

 

It is best to deal with a matter. You are an adult and can say no without excuses, explanations, or guilt, or being intimidated.

 

For you this may not be easy but honestly what you are emotionally going thru now is not easy and the more you put it off the harder it gets, and the anxiety rises.

 

Good Luck.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,317
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

@Nataliesgramma...Yes. I lost touch with a cousin, we are close in age and we always got along really well....she moved, got married 2x and divorced....we had lost touch.

I found her and called.  She was so happy that I had contacted her we reconnected like there had never been any time between us.  Fast forward 2 years, the only time we talk or email is if I call her.  She has never once contacted me.....I am not mad, just disappointed.

 

I would have loved to have her back in my life, I don't get along with my sisters and could really use a sister like friend. A one sided friendship does not work.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,419
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Sometimes reconnecting isn't a good thing...

oh my goodness. such high hopes for a wonderful reuniting of 2 families and then some bad karma comes to light.

 

had this happen with a friend I had. 

 

you just have to let it go. Make yourself more scarce to the emails, letters, phone calls.  

 

Eventually she will realize she has lost another friend, but it will be always be everyone elses fault. I doubt you will ever be able to convince her ,she is the cause for everyone bailing out on her.