Re: Sometimes Is It Just Better to Turn Away?

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

I don't know what kind of personality she has so it is hard to tell from this e-mail what she really meant. I have actually had some problems with e-mail responses from people. The thing with e-mails is, you can't hear the tone of a person's voice so a lot of times you don't know if something written is said in a joking way, a sarcastic way, a serious way, a nasty way or what. If I am writing something which could be possibly construed as kind of negative, I try and put an LOL or Ha-Ha --- or "just kiddin" or something like that after what I have written. But still - sometimes the intent of an e-mail gets misinterpreted.

Maybe she did not mean this e-mail the way you took it. I admit that to me it was not worded in the best way, but as I said before I do not know this person or how she normally expresses herself. Personally, I would ask her --- what did you mean by your e-mail? Were you serious or joking because I felt hurt by your comments. Then, take it from there. If you are then not happy or satisifed by what she has replied, then perhaps, let the relationship go.

I, myself, have ended a relationship or 2 wthin the last few years because of very unkind and snarky comments from people who claimed to be good friends, and no remorse shown on their part after knowing that they had hurt me greatly.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Just a thought but (and I only say this having been in some tough situations too), if pain is mostly what joins two people, it can't heal. Secondly, the old quote, "familiarity, breeds contempt." Sometimes it's just time to cut and walk away.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Frosted Cake wrote:
I just received a rude and thoughtless e-mail from someone I thought was a friend. I met her a few years ago at the same grief group. We stay in touch and knew the depths of our personal grief situations.

I lost both my parents within months of each other. Both their illnesses and death came as a shock. I lost my job of 20 years (a good paying job that I worked so hard at) within two months of my father's passing. In that time frame, I have been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that is causing many more health issues. In between that time, I have had to deal with family and legal issues that have torn me apart.

I found a job and have completed my first two weeks with the city where I live. I'm starting to be comfortable there and getting used to my new routine (even though it's a lower paying job than I had for 20 years). The people are very nice and the work keeps me busy.

I'm having eye issues (due to Sjorgrens) and still am dealing with my unresolved grief.

That being said, I have noticed a "tone" with this friend in her e-mails lately. She finds fault with me a lot and offers unsolicited advice that is not very compassionate. I just have rolled with it because I know she has been through a lot in her losses. I try calling her to talk in real time, but she doesn't return calls, only e-mails me. I don't have as much time to e-mail with the new job during the week, plus I need to give my eyes a rest from the hours of computer work.

@But, today, she was totally off base with her response to me. This is what she wrote:

"I hope that one day you will find that ideal job you want and that you also find someone who can fix your multitude of physical and mental problems.

Other then that........come across a Sugar Daddy who asks nothing from you at all but to let him spend all his money on you for your every need. I never did, but what the heck, I'm sure there are some out there!!!!

So sorry that things are so bad for you and so many issues."

I was so shocked! Where did that all come from? I don't know how to respond if I will at all. I want to tell her how hurtful her comments are, but I think I may just write, "Okay, May God Bless You," and never contact her again.

I thought she was a friend!

It seems odd that she would comment on your unhappiness with your job - when you are saying you are happy with it. Also, you say that you have been spending your time listening to and comforting her and yet she is basically saying she can't deal with all the things that are bad for you and your "many issues."

So clearly, there is a communication problem here.

If she is as off base as you say in her interpretation of your communications, there may be little hope.

It sounds like you are saying that as long as you are dealing with her concerns, she's OK, but if you even mention anything that is wrong in your life, she can't handle it. If that is the case, then your choice is to: a) confront her about that, b) continue to comfort her and be silent about your own hurts, or c) move on and let her go.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

Maybe her email was said in jest. Just a thought.

Hooty · ‎03-09-2010

@Frosted Cake, I have had two special friends in my life, one in real life that I had known for over 30 yrs, and one in "cyberland" that I thought was a true friend! In both circumstances, I got so tired of trying to appease them and walking on egg shells to not say anything to offend them, but they didn't care what they said to me ......... so now, neither one of them are in my life and I feel so much better! It is sad but it happens in life and you have to do what is best for yourself, JMHO! I wish you well!