Petty or have a point? - Page 7

Dash · ‎04-24-2015

As an elder law attorney, I suggest you find your dad a good lawyer in elder law or estate planning. You are right to be concerned about your sister-in-law on your father's checking account. The legal consequences are significant. In addition, it may not be wise to have you and your brother on the account either. The are better ways to protect your father. He needs good legal advice . He is not being well served by the sister-in-law and you are right to object.

sissel · ‎08-13-2010

I did not read all the replies but I will say my Dad loved my husband was he in the bank accts. NO DH's Mom died was I in this NO. If she is a good in law then she should talk to you & brother saying I am not into this. Why so many names in your Dad's accounts? In laws need to stay away, when my parents died & funeral my DH sat quiet while we did funeral & I did the same for him & SIL when his Mom died. Any good in law would never put their name on any bank accounts.

Dash · ‎04-24-2015

You need to get your father to a lawyer ASAP to protect his rights while he is still competent to make these decisions. The lawyer can advise him on the best course of action. You are making lots of incorrect assumptions and getting some very bad "legal" advice on the board. He needs a lawyer. Yes, it will cost a few thousand dollars, but will be worth every penny. The decisions about bank accounts and other issues he is making right now can have very significant consequences on cost of care and asset protection. Please do this for your dad. Then you will know that he is making his own decisions and that he understands the legal consequences. I wish you and your father well.

Winter Holiday · ‎06-15-2016

It seems this woman is trying to be helpful. The question above all others is do you live by your dad to help him? If you live close by and are mobile there is no reason why you should be having a jealousy issue. If you live close and can help your dad why aren't you? Maybe in your sil opinion you don't seem that involved and she feels someone needs to be. Has your SIL given you any other reason in the past not to trust her other than that email. I also want to point out that in regards to the assisted living incident it really didn't matter who did what and that I think it was okay for the two of you to see which form of communication was faster. The email won out big deal. I really get the vibe that you just don't like this woman for whatever reason and she can do no good. She has been in the family twenty years and you don't think you can trust her? Maybe your sil is genuine and an all around good person and you just don't see it because in this day and age its hard for you to believe a person with that much good will is fake and asking for something. I think you feel every move YOU make is being one upped but if you feel that way its because you aren't as involved as you should be. So to sum up I think your feeling this way is petty.

Winter Holiday · ‎06-15-2016

I think there is a lot here that the op isn't saying. The most obvious is do they live close by to help the father? I get the feeling the op and her father aren't as close as she is claiming if he wants the daughter in law on the account and doesn't want to remove her name. All I've read are responses along the likes of I am sure she will do this? How does she know

I can't believe the amount of responses in agreement that the sister in law is obviously up to no good. Just because the op's husband had a bad experience with an estate doesn't mean everything is gonna turn out that way.

Ask the father why he has the sister in law's name on. I don't know your age range but maybe its so if something tragic happens to one or both kids even at the same time SOMEONE in the family can access funds and still look after the father.

This heirarchy stuff is nonsense. The people who are most trusted and are actively involved in care should have the most access. In terms of any in heritance I never understood this blood entitlement thing. Unless a will explicitly states something why do a person's kids think they are automatically entitled to stuff? If they live out of state from their sick parents and make no incentive to be closer and be part of care I don;t think they should feel or be entitled to any solitary thing post mort em but that's me.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

@hyacinth003 Are the names for signing checks only or do the names mean that the account belongs to those names on it? My mother put her account in both mine and my sister's names also to be used for her burial as she knew my dad would spend it if his name was on it. But I set up my father's account only to pay bills and sign checks to help him and once he died, could no longer access it and that is what should be done with your father's checking account. I know you said you have talked to your father but I would tell him that you are hurt that your SIL is doing things for him that you want to but make sure you are willing to do everything. She may see that he needs help and no one doing it.

My SO ended up doing everything to help his aunt (who was never married and had kids) and even though she helped them all out financially over the years, the other neices and nephews did nothing and didn't even visit her or call to see how she was doing. I did a lot to help her over the years and visited her regularly when no one else did. My SO's one sister acted all put out when I knew more about her aunt then she did but refused to help. At family gatherings the others avoided the older generation like the plague and I always sat and talked with them and some resented me for that so be sure you are willing to take on the responsibilities and it's not just the fact you seem to dislike your SIL.

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

@LyndaGee wrote:
I can understand your concern. She may be perfectly innocent and a good person, but you never know when it comes to money.

I see no reason she needs to be on the account.

My brother and I were the only ones on my Mom's acct and we never had any issues...

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

Just want to say that in many families in-laws are accepted, trusted and loved just as much as a persons own child.

Your sister-in-law sounds like someone who really cares for your father, although a bit intense. She gets things done and your father is obviously please with the results.

To answer your question, you sound petty. If you want to be more involved in your fathers life, decision etc. you are the one who needs to step up. To me it sounds like your father is going to the person he can count on when he needs something.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.