Petty or have a point? - Page 2

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

Maybe you can start doing some of the things she is doing for your Dad? Maybe that would make you feel better.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

If it was me, if I was not involved in daily or weekly contact, decision-making or errand-running for someone because of either distance, my own health/ability, or a combination of both, I wouldn't feel irritated that I wasn't in essence the #1 on the Contact/Important Person list, but the person(s) who are there physically and "doing it all when it needs to be done", are. You're not there; they are. If you trust your brother you should be at least moderately trusting of his wife. Both your brother and his wife would be aware that you have access to the account information. You would see right away if anything seemed wrong.

I lived 350 mi from my mother. I could not be gotten hold of easily 24/7 and I couldn't do or buy things for her, make phone calls, etc. that far away. My niece (with whom she lived) was added to her checking account to pay her bills and make purchases my mom couldn't go out and make. My niece did as much or more for my mother than I would have even if I'd been there. I never gave it a thought. It was a single checking account with limited deposits, not access to anything more.

It sounds like she's doing her best to be a daughter to your dad, probably because she's fond of him, and because she loves your brother and is doing this for him so he has one less thing to stress over. Sounds like a nice, family-pulling-together scenario to me.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

I don't think it does.

However, it FEELS wrong to me. Not that it is technically wrong.

Hyacinth

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

I don't know your situation, so I hesitate to comment. I was wondering if she was so involved because her parents are gone. Just a thought.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003

I don't know for sure legally if it makes a difference which order the names are in on the account. (Apparently not says DH?)

Does she need to purchase things for him? (Such as medical supplies)

Money can be manipulated in so many various ways.

I think that it is important for you, his daughter, to feel comfortable with the set-up.

We had a family situation of mis-trust. It is best, IMO, that these situations be very transparent and easily checked and agreed upon by all concerned from the beginning.

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

I'm not sure the reason behind having 4 signers on the account. Hopefully it's just a bill paying account with minimal money, although one would assume she isn't a thief. It sounds like the hiccup is you really don't care for her, but obviously your dad and brother do. I get it, but I'm not sure what you can do about it. How you are listed on the account doesn't mean anything legally

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

Do you think she encouraged your dad to put her on his account, or was it his idea? That would make a big difference to me.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

No, the order doesn't make any difference at all to the bank or anyone else except OP.

Dusty1 · ‎03-10-2010

There is no reason to have 4 people listed on an account, but there is no reason not to, either, & whatever you saw that had the names listed was most likely just in a random order, not order of importance. And, it makes no difference to the bank how it is listed.

How close/far away are you from the family? Do you regularly see them & have easy access to help your Dad with all of the things that he needs to go to, shop for, pay for?

It's a complicated business & I would be so grateful to have more people to share the responsibilties with, unless they were scoundrels.

You brother has been married to this woman for 20 years & she is part of the family & it sounds like she is being a tremendous help.

As everyone has said, as long as you have no reason to believe that your brother & sister in law are up to evil plots & you have the information to go online & check accounts or help do banking, try not to be too annoyed & appreciate that care & love that your Dad is getting. It's a tough situation & emotions are tricky things.

Good luck to you.