Petty or have a point?

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

This is really hard to write because there are so many details. And I don't want to bore anyone reading it!

My dad recently moved into an assisted living facility. It's all for the good. He needed more help than living alone was providing. My sister-in-law is very involved in his life. I am not saying that has been bad. However, some times I feel it is a bit much.

She has been very helpful to him. I sometimes ask myself WHY the deep involvement. It's not her mother or dad (they are deceased). My brother is involved, but he is my dad's son.

She runs around getting him things he needs. My dad recently decided to have her put on his checking account along with my brother and I. I admit to not liking this. Not that I think she is doing anything, just feel she is not his daughter. So, I gave up saying something. Now I get papers to sign to re-do the checking account. On the current account, it is my dad's name, my name, my brother's name. The new account would list my dad, then her name, my name, my brother's name. Not sure how this got organized.

Is it too petty of me to want my name second to my dad instead of her? I'm going to sign the paper, but should I ask for my name second again or let it go?

This barely scratches the surface of the issues here, but thought I'd see what others think. My husband says let it go, so there's one opinion!!

Hyacinth

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

It sounds like your sil is a sweet and caring woman who loves your dad and did things to make his life easier. You should be thanking her, you should be happy she's in his life. He wants her on the checking account because loves her like a daughter and that's what is bothering you. You resent it, which at this stage of all your lives is indeed petty and ridiculous.

Catty2 · ‎09-06-2014

I can understand your concerns. I hope that you have online access to his accounts and that only you/your brother know the password. You need to have a way to check on things so you can have peace of mind that nothing unusual is going on with this account. If you see something unusual then you can question it. I don't think her name should be the second one on the account. Hopefully, this situation will work itself out and you won't have to be concerned. Take care.

tarerye · ‎09-01-2015

I think you would be thrilled to have someone else to help with your Dad. I'm an only child and I would give anything to have help with my parents! On the other hand, could you approach your brother (gently) with your concerns? Good luck!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@tarerye wrote:
I think you would be thrilled to have someone else to help with your Dad. I'm an only child and I would give anything to have help with my parents! On the other hand, could you approach your brother (gently) with your concerns? Good luck!

That's a great way to start a family feud.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

IMO she's not family & should not be on his checking account. We just went thru the same thing. I'm on dad's so is my sister but he also listed a step sister which is another story. She is also Co-Executor or whatever they call it with my sister as Executor on his Will. If something happens to my sister before dad then that goes to me. Dad finally took the step sister off his checking & she will no longer Co-Executor. That will only make problems. She has had financial difficulties for years so not good for her to be able to get her hands in the so called cookie jar. She lives in the same town as dad but does not help him like she used to because she's not getting the handouts with his money since dad is paying for a sister & brothers bills. She keeps calling us saying he needs to go into assisted living. I think she needs to mind her own business since it's not her dad. It's not time for that yet & he would not go anyways. We stayed out of it when she sued the hospital when her mom died & dad stayed out of that too.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

Why does she have to have access to his checking account? Is she planning on writing checks to pay his bills? I would also be concerned.

I had a sibling have a great deal of my parents money, securities and coin collection "secretly" go to him. My other brother and I knew nothing about the "gifts" until my parents lawyer told me after they died.

To this day he has never admitted - despite my asking on numerous occasions.

When it comes to money - you never really know someone.

So please have access to the account. So you can check on the account 24/7. Because I really don't know why she needs to be on the account. Since her husband and you are. I do not think you are petty.

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

Your Dad is lucky there are so many people who love and care for him.

I think it's good for you to 'keep your eyes and ears open'. I understand it's difficult for you to have someone else assuming responsibility for your Dad (I mean her being on the checking account).

If I were you I'd make sure I had access to viewing the account whenever you want to. If you feel uneasy about not being on the account, get yourself on there too.

However, too many people really complicates the thing. He's your Dad and you have a right to see an eye on him and everything that involves him.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your feelings. I've read your other posts and don't remember you being selfish or self-serving in your posts.

Pay attention and make sure you visit your Dad often. When he talks to you, listen...

Perkup · ‎03-09-2010

I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

I expected negative answers. It is so hard to put it all here.

She can be sweet and caring. I also have a 20 year history of finding her incredibly annoying. She is brash, bold, and hyperactive. There are so many things I have disagreed with her about, and have mostly kept quiet - to keep peace. I believe she is the cause of my nephew (her son) having migraines since age 10.

What I don't get, and what makes me uncomfortable, is her LEVEL of involvement in my Dad's life. It just seems odd to me. I would understand if it were HER dad.

I feel her entrance into his finances is another step into her over-involvement, which I am uncomfortable with.

Hyacinth