Re: Petty or have a point?

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

My family is in the middle of this situation right now with an elderly relative.

There are people who are task focused. They see a task that needs to be done and nobody is moving fast enough for them, so they step in and get it done.

When you are task focused, it doesn't matter how many bodies you need to step over, step on or push out of the way to get the task done.

People like us are needed as part of the team, but probably shouldn't lead in these situations where a little sensitivity goes a long way.

People like us can't sit on the sidelines and wait for someone to do what needs to be done when we're sitting right here, know how to get it done and have the time to do it.

That's just how we roll.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@tsavorite wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.
The way I understand it anyone one person listed on that account can go up one day and take ALL the funds from it and once you discover it well too bad...it is LEGAL for them to do it as they are listed on that account.

DO NOT SIGN THAT PAPER....tell your brother and Dad that it's much easier with less people on checking/savings acounts...better that way.

Do not sign that paper???? By signing that paper she is agreeing to have her own name listed on the checking account. The checking account will list her father, her SIL and her brother's name and not hers if she doesn't sign.

Her father is an adult and seems capable. Why does anyone think that when parents get older, their children have the right to dictate how things should be?

Adult children should know their place and not try to get too involved when they have no reason to. This SIL has done nothing to suggest that she will steal anything. Besides, most people do not keep a whole lot of money in their checking account. A senior might have a SS and a pension check going there each month. Once bills are paid, there is not Much left. If there is, it should be going into a savings account.

If you are a Daughter-in-law have you ever stole anything from your in-laws or ever tried to? Would you steal if you had the chance?

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@VaBelle35 wrote:
My family is in the middle of this situation right now with an elderly relative.

There are people who are task focused. They see a task that needs to be done and nobody is moving fast enough for them, so they step in and get it done.

When you are task focused, it doesn't matter how many bodies you need to step over, step on or push out of the way to get the task done.

People like us are needed as part of the team, but probably shouldn't lead in these situations where a little sensitivity goes a long way.

People like us can't sit on the sidelines and wait for someone to do what needs to be done when we're sitting right here, know how to get it done and have the time to do it.

That's just how we roll.

@VaBelle35

Right!

And sometimes one NEEDS to be a pain in the *** in order to get things done!

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Carmie wrote:
@tsavorite wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.
The way I understand it anyone one person listed on that account can go up one day and take ALL the funds from it and once you discover it well too bad...it is LEGAL for them to do it as they are listed on that account.

DO NOT SIGN THAT PAPER....tell your brother and Dad that it's much easier with less people on checking/savings acounts...better that way.
Do not sign that paper???? By signing that paper she is agreeing to have her own name listed on the checking account. The checking account will list her father, her SIL and her brother's name and not hers if she doesn't sign.

Her father is an adult and seems capable. Why does anyone thing that when parents get older, their children have the right to dictate how things should be?

Adult children should know their place and not try to get too involved when they have no reason to. This SIL has done nothing to suggest that she will steal anything. Besides, most people do not keep a whole lot of money in their checking account. A senior might have a SS and a pension check going there each month. Once bills are paid, there is not Much left. If there is, it should be going into a savings account.

If you are a Daughter-in-law have you ever stole anything from your in-laws or ever tried to? Would you steal if you had the chance?

And by not signing, she won't be able to keep an eye on the account to make sure that the "evil" sister-in-law isn't spending one penny more than she needs to be.

bbluvr · ‎05-01-2010

Hyacinth,

You said you feel uncomfortable with this arrangement. Listen to your gut and monitor this situation very carefully. I don't know the details but as nice as it seems that she is helping your Dad, you don.t know her real motives. I agree. It is odd. May not be a bad thing but you just don.t know. You know her character. Look at the way she has handled things in her own life and watch for red flags. I am not the suspicious type either but I would definitely be a little skeptical in this case. Be Careful and God bless!

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

My understanding is that SIL is ALREADY on the account, this paper that needs to be signed adds OP and her brother.

That's why SIL's name is above OPs.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@occasionalrain wrote:
Now she's gotten herself on the bank account; don't be surprised if sooner than later she obtains Power of Attorney. It will be too late to stop her then.
I have asked my dad to name a power of attorney. I said name my brother, name me, or both of us. He thinks it's all taken care of with the Will. I tried to tell him differently and told him of my husband's dad and how he needed it. That's a whole other story, as I am sure brother-in-law took complete advantage of it and didn't even tell his other brother he was also named.

My dad is not stupid. He had his own business for many years. I am an RN and think a power of attorney is important for potential medical issues. I believe I know his feelings.

We had to make medical decisions for my mother. It was okay because my dad was present and we all agreed. But you just don't know all scenarios.

I may try again to broach it. Good suggestions!

Hyacinth

We just went through the POA thing with our family member. It was necessary to get it signed, so it was added in with a bunch of other papers including a living will (or whatever they call them these days) to get it done. It was not the best way to handle it, but it did need to be handled.

Your father's generation thinks Wills are unnecessary but if they have them, they think the Will takes care of everything. It is hard to get them to see the value and how much easier it makes everything.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

@Perkup

I think the order of the names matter. My ex-husband died a year ago January. His third wife wrote his obituary and listed herself as first survivor, and her mother as second survivor, then his daughters. My girls were very upset by this.

My own brother listed me last as surviving siblings when my beloved sister died. He listed himself first, then my other brother, and then me . . . and he also misspelled my name. I am the oldest, and my sister and I were very close, only thirteen months apart. I have never said anything to him because I don't think he did it maliciously in any way . . . but it has always bothered me.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

AnikaBrodie · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003

When my mother-in-law went into an assisted living facility (in Pennsylvania) they required a Power of Attorney be appointed prior to her admission. Fortunately, her son was already POA before admission. Was this not done/required for your father? Please check with the facility about it ASAP. I hope you don't get a "big surprise" when you do.

You have received a lot of good information and advice here. Please review and consider it for the benefit of the primary person in this situation -- your dad. I hope your SIL has not been appointed POA without your/your husband's knowledge. However, a POA should be appointed at your dad's earliest convenience and it should be you or your brother, not SIL!

"Faith, Hope, Love; the greatest of these is Love." ~The Silver Fox~

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
@tsavorite wrote:
@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.
The way I understand it anyone one person listed on that account can go up one day and take ALL the funds from it and once you discover it well too bad...it is LEGAL for them to do it as they are listed on that account.

DO NOT SIGN THAT PAPER....tell your brother and Dad that it's much easier with less people on checking/savings acounts...better that way.
Do not sign that paper???? By signing that paper she is agreeing to have her own name listed on the checking account. The checking account will list her father, her SIL and her brother's name and not hers if she doesn't sign.

Her father is an adult and seems capable. Why does anyone thing that when parents get older, their children have the right to dictate how things should be?

Adult children should know their place and not try to get too involved when they have no reason to. This SIL has done nothing to suggest that she will steal anything. Besides, most people do not keep a whole lot of money in their checking account. A senior might have a SS and a pension check going there each month. Once bills are paid, there is not Much left. If there is, it should be going into a savings account.

If you are a Daughter-in-law have you ever stole anything from your in-laws or ever tried to? Would you steal if you had the chance?

And by not signing, she won't be able to keep an eye on the account to make sure that the "evil" sister-in-law isn't spending one penny more than she needs to be.

I misunderstood....I thought I read that the OP and her brother were already on the account and this paper was to "add" the SIL onto the checking account. Got it mixed up!