Re: Petty or have a point?

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

For some reason I clearly remember your posts about the many issues concerning your FIL's estate and I wondered what the final,outcome was. IF I recall your FIL left his home to your DH and his three brothers. THe house was being rented and one brother was controlling all the income and expense payments and was not,willing to share the information with the other brothers. YOur DH and one brother wanted to,sell the house and the other two wanted to keep it. THe two who wanted to keep it offered to buy out the half owned by your DH and the other brother who wanted to sell. THe house was appraised to obtain a selling price but the two who wanted to buy it balked at the appraisal price saying it was too high. THat is the last I saw about it. IF you wouldn't mind telling me just to satisfy my curiosity what was the eventual outcome?

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@gulf coast girl
LOL ITA!!

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

How lucky your Dad is to have a d-i-l who loves him so much.

She IS family.

How close physically are you to your father?

Do you live five miles away from him?

Fifty?

Why are you leaving the bulk of the care of your own father up to her?

Why aren't you, his daughter, stepping up to the plate and doing more to take care of your own dad?

Why are dumping the responsibility of your dad's care on to her?

You know what the funny thing is?

If this sil did nothing to care for your dad, you would be complaining about that too.

This woman just can't win with you, no matter what she does.

She is danged if she does, and danged if she doesn't.

It's obvious that you haven't liked her from day one.

Why is that?

Is it because when your brother married her, you no longer had to be responsible for him as a big sister, and that role went to the wife, and you resented that?

Yes, you are being petty.

Very, very petty.

You are on the account. You can check daily to see how his money is being spent, whether she's carrying around a checkbook 24/7, or not.

silentgirl · ‎08-19-2016

@Dash wrote:
I'm sorry, I can't and won't give legal advice on the internet. You seem to have a good general understanding, but it's not good legal advice. I really didn't mean to pick on you. Many people are giving advice that is not appropriate. If the question is simply, do you think SIL is pushy and over stepping her bounds, fine. That's a legitimate question. But the question of who should be on bank accounts and agents under DPOAs are legal and should be addressed to a lawyer. My intent in posting is to persuade OP to get competent legal advice for her father and not rely on internet posts or stories of what worked or did not work for other families. Every situation is different. The laws in each of the states are different. So it is not prudent to give advice without knowing all of the circumstances.
My biggest concern for OP is the cost of long-term care for her father. She does not raise this issue, but with so many people involved in this man's finances it is conceivable that costly mistakes could be made.

I hope you don't mind @Dash that I have highlighted your response for my own clarification. Perhaps you are thinking of another, as I've given no legal advice.

What I did do, was mention for the OP's information, in order that she might differentiate between the two roles according to written law, the difference between a POA and executor.

The following is the law as it is written for those with an interest. Though it is in no way complete. Nor, is it advice.

Expiration

"By the laws of all states, a power of attorney expires on the death of the principal. More specifically, when an agent learns of the death of a power-of-attorney grantor, he may no longer act as an agent in the principal's place. This means that the agent may legally act on the principal's behalf if he does not yet have knowledge of the principal's death."

Wills

"When a principal who has granted a POA dies, his will becomes the authorizing document for an executor. The will must name the executor, who follows instructions given in the will for the handling of finances, dealing with heirs and the estate, and arranging the funeral and burial according to the deceased's wishes. If there is no will, then the principal dies "intestate," and a probate court will divide the assets and act otherwise in accordance with the law."

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@Perkup wrote:
I guess I'm a little confused here. If you are all three on the checking account, what possible difference can it make what order the names come in? Does this matter to the bank? I would definitely ask someone at the bank whether this has any importance.

The way I understand it anyone one person listed on that account can go up one day and take ALL the funds from it and once you discover it well too bad...it is LEGAL for them to do it as they are listed on that account.

DO NOT SIGN THAT PAPER....tell your brother and Dad that it's much easier with less people on checking/savings acounts...better that way.

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

@hyacinth003 Are you close enough to your brother that you can articulate your concerns to him? God bless you and, btw, I would be a bit "curious" as well and would keep my good eye on things.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
I expected negative answers. It is so hard to put it all here.

She can be sweet and caring. I also have a 20 year history of finding her incredibly annoying. She is brash, bold, and hyperactive. There are so many things I have disagreed with her about, and have mostly kept quiet - to keep peace. I believe she is the cause of my nephew (her son) having migraines since age 10.

What I don't get, and what makes me uncomfortable, is her LEVEL of involvement in my Dad's life. It just seems odd to me. I would understand if it were HER dad.

I feel her entrance into his finances is another step into her over-involvement, which I am uncomfortable with.

Hyacinth

Please listen to your gut on this....there is a reason for it!! Tell your Dad and brother it is best to keep just family on this checking account and all others....less people involved in the money the better. She can go in LEGALLY and remove all funds from that account one day and you can't do a thing since you all put her on it! Just say NO!!

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

My opinion is this. If your father is of sound mind, then you should respect his wishes. It is not your place to decide who he should trust or allow to handle his affairs.

My MIL was in a SNF for years. She was not of sound mind. It was me, who went to pick her up every Sunday and every holiday and brought her to my home for dinner and to spend the day with us. I also took her to church, which is different religion then my beliefs and sat through hours of services.

I visited with her more often than any of her four children, often my DH went with me to visit too.I knew this because you had to sign a book when you visited or took her out of the SNF for any length of time. My name was listed hundreds of times.

She was not my mother and I didn't especially love her all that much. I respected her though and she raised my DH to be a wonderful man, so I felt like I wanted to treat her like I would my mother and I did.

When she passed, her own daughter pushed me aside and took over acting like she was the daughter of the century. I just backed away and out of view. Once my SIL said " thank you for all you did for my mother. I don't know why you did all you did, because she was not your mother."

I told her that I started to date her brother when I was 15 and I knew her mother almost as long as she did. I explained respect and how that was important in my family.

My DH treated my parents with respect too. Just because you are not blood, does not mean you aren't looking out for your in-laws best interest.

I feel sorry for many of you who feel that being kind and helpful is suspicious behavior.

Apparently, the OPs father and spouse trusts the SIL. I see no reason why the OP should not except maybe she is jealous of their relationship. So yes, I think it is petty.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@hyacinth003 wrote:
@occasionalrain wrote:
Now she's gotten herself on the bank account; don't be surprised if sooner than later she obtains Power of Attorney. It will be too late to stop her then.
I have asked my dad to name a power of attorney. I said name my brother, name me, or both of us. He thinks it's all taken care of with the Will. I tried to tell him differently and told him of my husband's dad and how he needed it. That's a whole other story, as I am sure brother-in-law took complete advantage of it and didn't even tell his other brother he was also named.

My dad is not stupid. He had his own business for many years. I am an RN and think a power of attorney is important for potential medical issues. I believe I know his feelings.

We had to make medical decisions for my mother. It was okay because my dad was present and we all agreed. But you just don't know all scenarios.

I may try again to broach it. Good suggestions!

Hyacinth

A POA is not longer valid when a person is deceased. You can only make decisions for a person with a POA when they are alive.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

When your Dad dies the money in that account will belong to the people on the account who write the checks. Whether there is loads of money in the account or not much, it will be divided fairly and everyone will pay the appropriate taxes on their share. Don't fight over money, my husbands family fought over my MIL's estate and cash and now no one speaks except my husband and his brother.